


Chatwatch

by sombraslesbian (SpaceMcCowboy)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Chatlogs, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Half Mexican McCree is here, Humor, M/M, Multi, Other, also dad reyes is here, i dont know if im tagging things right i hate this, i guess............., shitposting, theres some minor violence i guess, why the fuck isnt there a tag for shitposting you people are weak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-09-08 11:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8842387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceMcCowboy/pseuds/sombraslesbian
Summary: Overwatch decides to try using a group chat and of course it doesnt work out because everyone in overwatch is a freak





	1. No one here is good at their job

**Author's Note:**

> The name is absolute garbage and I know it but I'm not creative enough to create a better one so  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Anyways!This is my first fic so apologies if it's.Just as bad as the title haha  
> I've seen a lot of group chat fics for ow and they're all hilarious!!so I wanted to do my own  
> This will contain lots of headcannons and stuff and I hope y'all enjoy it!!The plot is...well i dont know this fic will mostly be shitposting so yea  
> Oh and.Just to be sure I'll give a heads up anytime there's a ship or character hate on any of the chapters,because I know overwatch/some of its characters/ships can be people's special interest or their kins so...Yeah!  
> Anyways this chapter will have some soldier 76 hate?Like not really heavy but everyone makes fun of him.Tbh if you really like him i wouldnt recomend reading this fic cause uh...there will be a lot of jokes about him  
> And also Genji basically just joined and he is (rightfully) upset and angry so there will be some slight Mercy hate here  
> bonus i dont think this counts as hate but theres some jokes about torbjorns name  
> There are no explicit ships on this chapter,but there's mentions of one sided Widowtracer  
> Well I guess this is it?sorry I'm rambling ;;

_Welcome to Overwatch's official instant messaging app._

_All users are now online_

_Gabriel Reyes created the group Instant Messaging Channel For Overwatch & Affiliates _

_Gabriel Reyes added Jesse McCree,Genji Shimada,Ana Amari,Lena Oxton,_ _Winston,Torbjörn  Lindholm,Reinhardt Wilhelm and Angela Ziegler to Instant Messaging Channel For Overwatch & Affiliates                                                                      _

_All participants of this group are now online_

Gabriel Reyes: Hi everyone!

Gabriel Reyes: Recently one of my coworkers,Jesse,complained to me that we are lacking a good channel for communication that isn't overheard by everyone around us(including the enemy).As in he suggested we create an instant messaging program for us in Overwatch.

Gabriel Reyes: And although I know his intentions aren't exactly professional I am sure we can get something good out of this!

Gabriel Reyes: Also with Overwatch's new member,Genji,I think it's important to have a place where we can all chat privately.

Gabriel Reyes: So I asked Winston to help me on this and finally we have a nice channel in which we can type in messages instead of screaming through the comms.

Gabriel Reyes: You can create new groups if you want,and private chats are also available.

Gabriel Reyes: Oh,also something extra Winston added.Unseen messages can be deleted.If you send something you regret and the other person doesnt see it you can delete it.

Ana Amari: Gabi Reyes over here is cutting off the drama

Gabriel Reyes: I was going to protest but thats literally the reason this feature exists

Gabriel Reyes: Drama shouldnt be resolved on chat groups but face to face.

Ana Amari: no fun

Gabriel Reyes: Anyways.

Gabriel Reyes: Last but not least the group will warn you when there is people online or not.Right now all of us are,which is good!

Gabriel Reyes: The features are slightly limited,but they're functional.Feel free to check them out!

Gabriel Reyes: That's all.

Genji Shimada: tf is this lol

Gabriel Reyes: I just

Genji Shimada: Whose jesse

Ana Amari: the cowboy

Gabriel Reyes: He is one of our teammates,Genji.

Gabriel Reyes: Didn't you meet him?

Genji Shimada: I don't remember?lol

Genji Shimada: I met like you,Steve Rogers the second,Ana,Lena and Angela "I turn people into weapons without their consent" Ziegler

Angela Ziegler: Reyes added me to this group too,you know.

Genji Shimada: I know

Genji Shimada: wait!I met this other guy he was wearing a cowboy hat

Gabriel Reyes: Thats Jesse.

Ana Amari: yeah it's what I said

Jesse McCree: NICE

Jesse McCree: THIS'S GREAT!!!

Jesse McCree: THANKS DAD

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse

Jesse McCree: I MEAN

Jesse McCree: ...COMMANDER DAD

Genji Shimada: Oh I remember you you were the one who kept talking to me when I was pretending to sleep so you would go away

Angela Ziegler: Can we change our usernames?

Angela Ziegler: Even though I doubt anyone could be able to invade this,I still don't feel safe with my whole name just...Exposed like that.

Genji Shimada: Yeah when you have a lot to hide you can't be so exposed :)

Angela Ziegler: Things to hide?

Genji Shimada: yeah like

Genji Shimada: a crush on a team member

Genji Shimada: or weird song preferences

Genji Shimada: or weaponizing someone without their consent ://

Angela Ziegler: I did what it was needed to save you.

Genji Shimada: didn't know shurikens were a vital organ

Ana Amari: you put

Ana Amari: Wait Genji I thought you had requested for that?!

Genji Shimada: nope.didnt.it came as a cute gift :))

Angela Ziegler: It is for defense.

Genji Shimada: yeah not really I'm a literal walking gun.Hi

Ana Amari: Angela

Gabriel Reyes: Please let's not discuss this not now

Gabriel Reyes: This is a pretty heavy subject and I don't think discussing it on a group chat is...productive.Im sorry Genji.That doesn't mean I think you're in the wrong,because I don't

Genji Shimada: k

Gabriel Reyes: So.Yeah you can change it.Top left,the small icon right next to the speech bubble

Angela Ziegler: Thank you.

 

_Angela Ziegler altered their username to Angie_

 

Genji Shimada: Wait a second

Genji Shimada: Where's

Ana Amari: Jack

Gabriel Reyes: Oh no!forgot to add him.Hold on.

Ana Amari: lol

Genji Shimada: don't add him were good

Ana Amari: I agree with the carrot man.

Genji Shimada: thanks Ana

Genji Shimada: Wait

Ana Amari: lol Gabi it's ok you can say you didn't add him on purpose

Gabriel Reyes: I would never do that

Ana Amari: We know

Ana Amari: I wouldn't either,it's just jokes

Genji Shimada: I would

Ana Amari: jsjd

Ana Amari: This is why I like him

Ana Amari: Jesse promise me you're going to marry this man one day?

Jesse McCree: woAH there thats.Ana thats a little forward

Genji Shimada: Ana as much as I enjoy your companion and advice I would never marry him

Genji Shimada: because he's a loser

Jesse McCree: don't sass me!!!

Jesse McCree: you don't even know me!!!!!

Jesse McCree: Also!Least I didn't paint my hair GREEN!Yea I saw it!

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse,while you didn't paint your hair an obnoxious green color

Gabriel Reyes: you DID paint it with the colors of the USA flag last summer.

Genji Shimada: he did **what**

Gabriel Reyes: It didn't work.We had to shave half of his hair off.

Genji Shimada: is that why his hair is so...

Genji Shimada: like that?

Jesse McCree: HEY

Genji Shimada: howdy

Ana Amari: yeehaw

Gabriel Reyes: stop making fun of him you two.

Gabriel Reyes: let him be.

Jesse McCree: thanks dad

Ana Amari: Alright

Gabriel Reyes: Well now if you excuse me I'm going to add Jack.

Genji Shimada: Commander Gabe please don't add Jack

Jesse McCree: Add Fareeha!!!

Ana Amari: Don't

Ana Amari: I don't want my daughter to be exposed to Jesse's behavior.

Jesse McCree: dunno what yer talkin about?

Jesse McCree: Also she's right next to me

Ana Amari: Yes but I know you swear a lot on group chats

Genji Shimada: first of all @Jesse why are you typing with an accent

Genji Shimada: Second of all remember when you told Fareeha every single Spanish swear word you could remember

Jesse McCree: that

Jesse McCree: that didn't happen I

Jesse McCree: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT YOU JOINED US LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO

Ana Amari: Thörbjörñ saw it and he tells that to literally anyone who joins overwatch

Ana Amari: Also he has it on camera

Ana Amari: it's true

Jesse McCree: TORBJORN WHY?????

Torbjörn Lindholm: I love drama

Torbjörn Lindholm: Also It's Torbjörn!

Ana Amari: Thrombjorm

Torbjörn Lindholm: ...

Torbjörn Lindholm: whatever

Ana Amari: whatever Torb Torb

Angie: Ah,yes.I remember that.

Angie: You were drunk and Fareeha was trying to get you to your room,and on the way there you spilled it all out.Then she repeated them at the dinner table the next day

Angie: Ana laughed,took a sip of her tea,jumped out of her chair and attacked you.later on she broke your prosthetic arm.I don't even know how

Angie: She shot you with a prototype of a sleep dart when you were trying to run away

Ana Amari: yea I don't even remember why I had that on me lol

Angie: you hallucinated for four hours straight and she took the opportunity to steal your arm.

Ana Amari: I didn't steal it

Ana Amari: after I shot you you just stopped running and sat down and when I got closer you were like

Ana Amari: "howdy m'aam my horse is gone do you want my arm"

Jesse McCree: come on I didnt say that

Ana Amari: that's LITERALLY what you said

Ana Amari: so I did what a responsible adult would do in that situation

Ana Amari: and took your arm and ran away with it

Ana Amari: in my defense I too was a little drunk

Torbjörn Lindholm: I had to fix it.Ana completely ruined it and i think she broke the chair too.Good times.

Ana Amari: I wasn't even going to beat him up I just wanted to scare him but then he started to scream and run so I took the chance

Genji Shimada: Jesus Ana

Jesse McCree: how come I don't remember that

Angie: After hallucinating you passed out and slept for an entire day.

Angie: Ana thought she killed you.

Ana Amari: yeah it was funny

Reinhardt Wilhelm: She cried so much...So did Gabe!They both wouldn't leave the med bay even if Angela insisted you would be fine!

Ana Amari: yea

Jesse McCree: daw

Torbjörn Lindholm: I was there too! I filmed you saying straight up nonsense for four hours!

Jesse McCree: wow thanks Torbjörn

Torbjörn Lindholm: you're welcome

Winston: you pretty much invented another language that day.

Wiston: it was a mix of Spanish,English,cowboy sayings and plus some curse words from other languages.I was really worried.

Ana Amari: he also sang too but he couldn't remember the lyrics so he just repeated the same phrase over and over

Jesse McCree: please don't tell me it was cotton eye joe

Ana Amari: it was goddamn cotton eye joe Jesse

Ana Amari: what else would it be

Winston: Angela accidentally muttered something in german in front of you and you spent ten minutes repeating it out loud

Ana Amari: yea now i know how to say “i just want the sweet embrace of death” in german

Ana Amari: i dont know what i can do with this knowledge but maybe it will be helpful someday

Jesse McCree: I still doubt that happened

Ana Amari: my favorite part was when you managed to run away from the medbay

Ana Amari: you saw Jack and immediately jumped on his back and tried to ride him like a horse

Jesse McCree: ok.

Jesse McCree: **that DIDNT HAPPEN**

Gabriel Reyes: it did.I was right by him and I saw you launch into him.

Gabriel Reyes: you threw him on the floor.

Gabriel Reyes: he started to scream and you would just repeat what he said back to him with a sarcastic voice

Gabriel Reyes: and then you passed out.

Ana Amari: in conclusion i dont think you can shit talk Genji for his bad hair choices

Jesse McCree: in conclusion that didnt happen

Gabriel Reyes: Also this reminds me I'm going to add jack.

Jesse McCree: no don't

Genji Shimada: Please don't add discount captain america

Jesse McCree: if you gonna add him then add Fareeha!

Gabriel Reyes: Fareeha isn't a member of Overwatch,Jesse.

Ana Amari: And she won't be.

Jesse McCree: <|:(

Genji Shimada: please tell me I am just hallucinating because of the painkillers I took but is that an emoticon with a goddamn cowboy hat

Ana Amari: yes

Ana Amari: you'll get used to it.

Genji Shimada: I won't

Gabriel Reyes: Can I please just add Jack?

Genji Shimada: no

Ana Amari: I don't care lol

Winston: ….I.I have a proposition

Winston: Let's make this fair?

Winston: Let's vote.

Winston: Say "yes" if you think Gabriel should add Jack.

Winston: Say "no" if you think Gabriel should NOT add Jack.

Genji Shimada: No

Ana Amari: whatever lol

Winston: Ana you can't

Gabriel Reyes: Yes

Winston: Yes

Angie: Do what you think seems fit.

Winston: Angela no

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I agree with Ana!

Winston: Reinhardt why

Lena Oxton: No

Jesse McCree: No

Jesse McCree: I asked Fareeha she said Yes

Jesse McCree: Ana why is Fareeha saying yes just to fuck with me

Ana Amari: Wow

Ana Amari: Remind me to bake her something later

Ana Amari: I've raised her right

Jesse McCree: hey

Genji Shimada: wait she's with you right now?

Jesse McCree: yeah we're playin checkers

Gabriel Reyes: it's chess.

Jesse McCree: same thing

Winston: Alright so

Winston:

Winston: No: 3 Yes: 3

Winston: .......We have a tie

Genji Shimada: jejdiejduej

Winston: _@Ana Amari @Reinhardt Wilhelm_ _@Angie_ please just vote

Gabriel Reyes: Wait Torbjörn didn't vote yet.

Angie: Yes. _@Torbjörn Lindholm_?

Torbjörn Lindholm: Oh so it's up to me? _Interesting_

Lena Oxton: Torby

Lena Oxton: please

Jesse McCree: TROBJORN ILL NEVER CALL YOU A DWARF AGAIN PLEASE

Jesse McCree: JACK IS SO ANNOYING ON GROUP CHATS TORMJOOOOOORN PLEASE

Genji Shimada: płëæšë trœmbœñē

Torbjörn Lindholm: I was going to vote no.

Torbjörn Lindholm: But all of you made fun of my name.

Torbjörn Lindholm: literally everyone come on its not that funny

Torbjörn Lindholm: Not to mention whatever is that atrocity Genji sent so

Torbjörn Lindholm: So yes.Add him.

Jesse McCree: thanks Genji

Lena Oxton: Genji!!!!

Genji Shimada: whöøpš

Genji Shimada: also dont “thanks genji” me all of us are at fault

Gabriel Reyes: Thank you Torbjörn.

 

_Gabriel Reyes added Jack Morrison to Instant Messaging Channel For Overwatch & Affiliates_

_Jack Morrison is now connected_

 

Genji Shimada: Nø

Jack Morrison: ?

Jack Morrison: Please don't tell me Jesse convinced you to create a group chat Gabriel.Not again.

Jack Morrison: Jesse you're in trouble for this!We can't just waste our time with mindless text discussions! >:~(

Genji Shimada: fhd emotji

Genji Shimada: the emoticon the nose the grammar the punctuation I can't

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: Winston can I revoke my vote

Winston: No,Gabriel.You can't.

Genji Shimada: Yeah good job commander

Jack Morrison: Vote?

Jack Morrison: What vote?What are we voting?

Genji Shimada: GOOD JOB COMMANDER

Gabriel Reyes: We're voting

Gabriel Reyes: For

Gabriel Reyes: ....

Ana Amari: I want to bake a welcome cake for Genji.

Ana Amari: We were simply voting on the flavors.

Jack Morrison: Oh?

Jack Morrison: I can help!

Ana Amari: good

Ana Amari: so strawberry

Ana Amari: yes or no

Jack Morrison: Hmm

Jack Morrison: Not a fan,not going to lie :/

Jack Morrison: Bad idea!

Ana Amari: :)

Ana Amari: As everyone can see even Jack agrees that it is a bad idea.

Gabriel Reyes: **ANA AMARI**

Lena Oxton: ANA

Genji Shimada: sinediksk ikeocj

Jesse McCree: I CANT

Ana Amari: And since he agrees were back to a tie.

Jack Morrison: Gabe I know you voted yes you have a terrible taste.

Jack Morrison: vote no.

Gabriel Reyes: Jack _don't_

Genji Shimada: YOU HEARD HIM GABE VOTE NO

Lena Oxton: VOTE!NO!VOTE!NO!

Gabriel Reyes: I can't Winston said I can't

Winston: Well Jack seems to approve of it.

Lena Oxton: YES WINSTON                                                           

Gabriel Reyes: _Winston why_

Gabriel Reyes: I don't want to cause drama

Jack Morrison: it's just a cake Gabriel!

Jesse McCree: yeah dad it's just a cake,nothin else,nothin really just the cake

Genji Shimada: Jesse shut up

Jack Morrison: Jesse McCree please don't refer to your comrades as familiar names.Weve talked about this!

Jack Morrison: You shouldn't confuse things.

Jesse McCree: M not

Jesse McCree: we're all a family Jack

Jack Morrison: I know.But...Sort of.We can't forget to draw a certain line.

Jack Morrison: Reyes can be your dad but...

Jack Morrison: He is your commander first!

Jesse McCree: tf should I call him

Jack Morrison: uh.

Jack Morrison: Commander....dad?

Gabriel Reyes: **don't**

Jack Morrison: Gabi please just vote no!

Gabriel Reyes: WINSTON HELP ME

Winston: Vote no.Gabriel.Even Jack agrees.

Gabriel Reyes: **AAAAAAAAAAAA**

Ana Amari: Just vote dude

Ana Amari: kick him or keep him

Jack Morrison: wait wh.

Jack Morrison: wait a second.

Jack Morrison: ?!??                                                         

Jack Morrison: YOURE ALL VOTING TO EXCLUDE ME FROM THE CHAT GROUP?!

Jack Morrison: AGAIN?!!?!?

Genji Shimada: ? _again_ ?

Ana Amari: yeah we always kick him out because he won't shut up about how ~ _unprofessiona_ l~ this is

Ana Amari: it's all the same

Ana Amari: Bc he's a repetitive freak

Jack Morrison: THIS IS NOT PROFESSIONAL!!!!

Jack Morrison: SEE IM NOT REPETITIVE!!!!

Genji Shimada: do you just like refuse to end a sentence without punctuation

Ana Amari: bitch 'not professional' and 'unprofessional' are the same

Ana Amari: Anyways.

Ana Amari: You're not one to speak I mean you fight with a cape remember

Jack Morrison: ??????

Jack Morrison: what does this have to do with?????

Jack Morrison: it doesn't affect my performance Ana !!

Ana Amari: remember all the times you heard someone shooting right behind you on the battlefield

Ana Amari: that was _me_

Ana Amari: because _everyone_ goes to your cape

Ana Amari: let me demonstrate

Jack Morrison: ???

Genji Shimada: wait are all of you on the same room

Genji Shimada: how did he not notice we were on a chat lol

Jack Morrison: ANA!!!

Jack Morrison: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Genji Shimada: why are you typing this instead of telling her this I don't understand

Jesse McCree: SINEIXNEK

Jesse McCree: SHE PULLED HIS CAPE DOWN AND HE WENT DOWN WITH IT

Ana Amari: WITHOUT ME THATS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN EVERY BATTLE

Ana Amari: YOUR ATTIRE IS

Ana Amari: NOT.PROFESSIONAL.

Genji Shimada: ohhhHHH **HHHH**

Gabriel Reyes: Ana I am so sorry.

Gabriel Reyes: I value our friendship,i like you,alright.

Gabriel Reyes: But...

Ana Amari: 

Ana Amari: what are you talking about lol

Gabriel Reyes: ...

Gabriel Reyes: don't YOU wear a cape

Ana Amari: what

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: no I

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: irrelevant

Ana Amari: ...

Ana Amari: shut up

Ana Amari: shut up gabriel **shbut up**

Torbjörn Lindholm: **busted**

Jesse McCree: Kneickdijjijedijdiueic DAD THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU

Genji Shimada: don't you wear a blanket too

Jesse McCree: ?!??!!?

Jesse McCree: S NOT A BLANKET ITS A _SARAPE_

Genji Shimada: apologies.

Genji Shimada: But still.Someone could fuck you up if they got hold of it.

Jesse McCree: Ain't taking it off

Jesse McCree: my ma knit it for me s my only reminder of her

Genji Shimada: Aw.cute.

Genji Shimada: I was going to leave you alone.

Genji Shimada: unfortunately I am feeling _extra_ petty today.

Genji Shimada: so in conclusion its unpractical and you can't say Jack

Jack Morrison: what

Genji Shimada: pun intended

Lena Oxton: Genji no

Genji Shimada: Genji yes

Genji Shimada: OH MY GOD HE DIDNT USE PUNCTUATION YES

Genji Shimada: i have no dick and i must nut

Genji Shimada: my role in this life was completed i can finally die in peace

Jesse McCree: huh

Ana Amari: I love this guy he's fucking hilarious

Ana Amari: his humor is weird just like gabes

Ana Amari: GABRIEL IS ACTUALLY LAUGHING

Gabriel Reyes: that was funny

Gabriel Reyes: :)

Genji Shimada: thanks commander

Genji Shimada: maybe youre cool too

Genji Shimada: just like ana

Ana Amari: false

Ana Amari: there is room for only one cool person here.

Jack Morrison: You?

Ana Amari: no Fareeha

Jesse McCree: oh

Lena Oxton: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ana Amari: im fine with second best if my daughter gets to be happy

Ana Amari: well anyways back to our original topic

Torbjörn Lindholm: you just got ultra deep here and you instantly switch back to poking fun at our outfits?

Jesse McCree: this is why i love this family

Jesse McCree: whoops i meant FAMILY TEAM OF PROFESSIONALS

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: _@Jack Morrison_ i was vagueing you

Jack Morrison: i know thanks for the warning.

Lena Oxton: this kinda makes it a namedrop and not a vague love :(

Gabriel Reyes: that was more of an indirect

Torbjörn Lindholm: that was a straight up direct insult Jesse do you even vague

Jesse McCree: why are yall overanalizying my vague

Genji Shimada: BECAUSE IT WASNT A VAGUE

Ana Amari: can yall stop drifiting from the subject

Ana Amari: well to make it short.none of us are professional

Jesse McCree: What about Gabe??

Jesse McCree: he doesn't wear a cape or a sarape

Ana Amari: ah yes

Ana Amari: Mr. Hoodie&Beanie McJeans is surely the most professional over here

Genji Shimada: that sounds like a store name

Angie: i would buy things there

Genji Shimada: yeah thats what you usually do on a store Anglea

Angie: you can do plenty other things on a store.

Genji Shimada: **excuse me**

Jesse McCree: what the fuck

Lena Oxton: ok….?

Genji Shimada: LIKE WHAT

Torbjörn Lindholm: oh yeah shes right she did a heart surgery inside a store once!

Genji Shimada: why...why t he fuck….

Torbjörn Lindholm: on me!

Angie: yes! :)

Angie: We were both drunk and he said he doubted i could do a surgery without any proper instruments!

Torbjörn Lindholm: it wasnt very smart of me

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I was there!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Good memories!

Torbjörn Lindhom: i dont even remember how she did it she just opened my chest threw a pair of glasses inside and called it a day

Reinhardt Wilhelm: and then we were kicked out of the store :(

Lena Oxton: there WERE PEOPLE ON THE STORE?!

Gabriel Reyes: i didnt know about this why didnt no one tell me??

Angie: We three decided no one else needed to know

Torbjörn Lindholm: i had to bribe so many people that day so they wouldnt call the cops >:( never again

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Oh Torb remember when you passed out!

Torbjörn Lindholm: yeah i woke up in the hospital and they told me i died like ten times

Genji Shimada: why cant i just have normal friends

Genji Shimada: ALSO YALL THIS IS THE SAME DOCTOR WHO “””””””””””””””SAVED”””””””””” ME

Jesse McCree: and yall make fun of me for the whole sleep dart incident

Ana Amari: first of all

Ana Amari: what the _**fuck**_

Ana Amari: second of all

Ana Amari: IF YALL CHANGE THE SUBJECT ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO KILL A MAN

Ana Amari: CAN I PLEASE GO BACK TO MAKING FUN OF GABE AND HIS DUMB BEANIES?

Gabriel Reyes: hey

Ana Amari: don't start you dork

Ana Amari: he has a collection of them just like Jesse and his hats

Jesse McCree: UTS TRUE

Lena Oxton: really????but he's always wearing the same black one

Torbjörn Lindholm: it's because he's ***xX _emo_ Xx***

Gabriel Reyes: I have depression.

Winston: don't we all?

Lena Oxton: me too!!!

Genji Shimada: I do too

Jesse McCree: same

Ana Amari: we all have

Genji Shimada: we are all have depression

Gabriel Reyes: point taken

Gabriel Reyes: also ive been thinking since a lot of us in overwatch wear capes maybe one day I can wear one?

Ana Amari: theres like a total of 2 (two) people who wear capes thats not a lot

Gabriel Reyes: but you guys mean a lot to _me!!_

Jack Morrison: oh

Ana Amari: a h,

Genji Shimada: **bro**

Gabriel Reyes: anyways it would be fun to try it!

Jesse McCree: PLEASE DO IT WHEN IM AROUND ILL WEAR ONE TOO

Jesse McCree: ILL GET ONE FOR FAREEHA TOO!!!!

Jesse McCree: ITLL BE SO FUNNY

Jesse McCree: Fareeha said she can't wait for you to wear a cape!!!!!

Gabriel Reyes: sure

Genji Shimada: anyways

Genji Shimada: I think we can all agree who has the most practical outfit.

Genji Shimada: me.

Angie: you wear a scarf

Genji Shimada: you put it there.

Genji Shimada: like the shurikens

Angie: I didn't put the scarf

Genji Shimada: ok I did

Genji Shimada: but honestly I'm going to blame anything that happens to me on you

Genji Shimada: because you know you weaponized me and all

Angie: alright 

Ana Amari: Genji as much as I can get into the blaming Angela for everything game

Ana Amari: I can't now because you were the one who put the scarf there

Genji Shimada: I'm going to quote you

Genji Shimada: irrelevant

Ana Amari: also you glow in the dark

Genji Shimada: ah

Genji Shimada: Angela can you fix that

Genji Shimada: do something good for once to me

Angie: sure

Genji Shimada: Also while I'm at it your outfit is impractical

Angie: I know

Lena Oxton: Yeah you take the whole angel thing a little too far :(

Genji Shimada: 'a little'

Lena Oxton: Also I'll say it before anyone says it but my outfit is not good

Jack Morrison: really?I think yours is the most professional one

Jack Morrison: the upper half at least

Ana Amari: Yeah your pants are hideous

Lena Oxton: I know :(

Lena Oxton: I wanted to wear my sonic sweat pants but Gabi didn't allow me

Lena Oxton: And my Dr. Eggman belt buckle he didn't allow it too >:(

Genji Shimada: **Brah your what**

Ana Amari: Ok first of all

Ana Amari: Thank you Gabe

Gabriel Reyes: You're welcome

Ana Amari: second of all Jesse I am never making fun of your belt ever again

Jesse McCree: thanks?

Lena Oxton: WAIT A SECOND

Lena Oxton: HOW COME JESSE CAN USE HIS BELT BUT I CANT WEAR MINE

Lena Oxton: @GABRIEL REYES

Gabriel Reyes: Lena it doesn't work with all caps

Lena Oxton: oh ok

Lena Oxton: _@Gabriel Reyes_

Lena Oxton: EXPLAIN??

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse can wear it because it's part of his persona

Jesse McCree: it's a father and son dynamics privilege <|:)

Lena Oxton: WHAT

Gabriel Reyes: Alright.

Gabriel Reyes: Maybe one day you can wear it.

Lena Oxton: NICE

Ana Amari: ok so

Ana Amari: we all suck at being professional

Reinhardt Wilhelm: What about me? :(

Ana Amari: You always announce your presence

Ana Amari: by screaming

Jack Morrison: it's not professional she's right :(

Torbjörn Lindholm: uh

Ana Amari: don't even try it

Ana Amari: your whole arm.Out

Ana Amari: if you take a shot there it's gone

Torbjörn Lindholm: :(

Gabriel Reyes: What about Liao?Or Mirembe

Genji Shimada: I don't know them

Ana Amari: they're not as close doesn't count

Lena Oxton: Mei?

Gabriel Reyes: She's not on the group!Oh no

Gabriel Reyes: I'll add her.

Gabriel Reyes: Though I'm sure she won't be online as much as us.She has a lot of research to do

 

_Gabriel Reyes added Mei-Ling Zhou to Instant Messaging Channel for Overwatch & Affiliates _

 

Gabriel Reyes: She's not online.

Ana Amari: Can we change the chat name

Gabriel Reyes: Why?

Ana Amari: I wanna put something cool

Gabriel Reyes: ok?

 

_Ana Amari changed the group's name from Instant Messaging Channel for Overwatch & Affiliates to we are all bad at our jobs_

 

Gabriel Reyes: Oh

Gabriel Reyes: I disagree

Lena Oxton: jdjdjixkedi

Winston: Oh!I just remembered something important

Winston: Lena

Lena Oxton: yea luv?

Winston: How is the new medication?

Lena Oxton: going

Winston: Hm.

Winston: Is it 'not really a difference yet' going or a 'climbing up walls and having anxiety attacks' going

Lena Oxton:

Jack Morrison: Was that Lena?

Jack Morrison: I just saw a blur of light pass by!

Jack Morrison: She's more agitated then usual if it's her.

Lena Oxton: Jack!!!!dont call me out

Winston: Ah.

Winston: I'm sorry Lena.Ill start working on another one for you.

Lena Oxton: Luv I'm _fine!_

Lena Oxton: I'm just.Kinda anxious haha!

Jack Morrison: You are blinking in circles Lena.

Lena Oxton: Jack!!!shut up!!

Lena Oxton: Aight maybe I'm really anxious!!

Ana Amari: What happened?

Ana Amari: Angela.What should we do

Jack Morrison: Lena calm down.

Lena Oxton: sorry :(((

Gabriel Reyes: Jack shut up jesus christ

Gabriel Reyes: Lena?

Lena Oxton: no no dw I'm fine!juust.

Gabriel Reyes: having a bad day?

Lena Oxton: Yeah .

Gabriel Reyes: Well.

Gabriel Reyes: Do you want to stay alone?Or

Lena Oxton: no Nono I can't stay alone

Gabriel Reyes: Alright.So

Gabriel Reyes: Do we have any missions today?

Jack Morrison: Not that I remember.

Gabriel Reyes: Good then.

Gabriel Reyes: Let's all take a break then!Lets watch some movies.

Ana Amari: nice

Jesse McCree: AW YEAH MOVIE NIGHT

Genji Shimada: it's a movie day actually

Jesse McCree:

Gabriel Reyes: Either way.

Winston: Well,I

Winston: I guess one day off wouldn't hurt.

Ana Amari: I'll make the popcorn.

Jack Morrison: I'll bring the drinks!

Ana Amari: Werent you all about the _professionalism_ ten minutes ago

Jack Morrison: Well.Yes but.

Jack Morrison: I need a break.

Angie: We all do.

Genji Shimada: We are all need a break

Jesse McCree: Stop

Ana Amari: he's right though

Ana Amari: what movie should we watch

Jesse McCree: I'll take care of that

Ana Amari: YES

Genji Shimada: should I be happy or should I be worried

Gabriel Reyes: Do you like cowboy movies?

Genji Shimada: No

Lena Oxton: won't like it then luv

Genji Shimada: urghhhhh

Ana Amari: You have bad taste

Genji Shimada: I

Genji Shimada: Yeah

Jesse McCree: ???i thought you were going to give some snarky retort

Genji Shimada: Cow guy thats Ana.I respect her and she's cool

Jesse McCree: it's cowboy

Genji Shimada: I know

Genji Shimada: I did it on purpose.I want to see how much I can butcher it

Ana Amari: Cowdude

Ana Amari: Cowfriend

Ana Amari: CowCow

Jesse McCree: Ana why

Genji Shimada: thanks Ana

Ana Amari: ok enough talking let's go have fun

Jack Morrison: ok.

Ana Amari: everyone disconnect

Ana Amari: go offline whatever I don't want to see a single soul on this group while we watch the movie

Gabriel Reyes: Ana is that really necessary?

Ana Amari: yes it is Beanie Man

Ana Amari: turn off your phone

Gabriel Reyes: k

 

_Gabriel Reyes has disconnected_

_Jack Morrison has disconnected_

_Reinhardt Wilhelm has disconnected_

_Winston has disconnected_

_Lena Oxton has disconnected_

_Angie has disconnected_

_Torbjörn Lindholm has disconnected_

 

Ana Amari: good

Ana Amari: my city now

Jesse McCree: I'm still here

Ana Amari: JESSE

Jesse McCree: </ :) don't need to ask twice m'aam

 

_Jesse McCree has disconnected_

_Ana Amari has disconnected_

_There are no participants of this group online_

 

__

 

_Mei-Ling Zhou has connected_

 

Mei-Ling Zhou: Uh Hi!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: Hey guys!!Miss all of you,haha!

Mei-Ling Zhou: Gabe warned me there was chance of making another chat,which is great!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: I miss all of you :)

Mei-Ling Zhou: so how are things going?

Mei-Ling Zhou:

Mei-Ling Zhou: anyone?

Mei-Ling Zhou: ...

Mei-Ling Zhou: oh,no one is online

Mei-Ling Zhou: haha apologies!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: I feel dumb

Mei-Ling Zhou: well uh if anyone sees this...

Mei-Ling Zhou: Urgh nevermind this is embarassing

Mei-Ling Zhou: oh I can delete my already sent messages.

Mei-Ling Zhou: that's nice

Mei-Ling Zhou: well I'll talk to you guys later!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: wait none of you will see this

Mei-Ling Zhou: nevermind then

Mei-Ling Zhou: sorry

 

_Mei-Ling Zhou has deleted all their messages_

_Mei-Ling Zhou has disconnected_

_There are no participants of this group online_

 

\--

 

_Lena Oxton has reconnected_

_Private Conversation between @Lena Oxton and @Genji Shimada_

 

Lena Oxton: psst

Lena Oxton: hey luv!

Lena Oxton: Enjoying the film?

 

_Genji Shimada has reconnected_

 

Genji Shimada: Eh

Genji Shimada: it's ok I guess

Lena Oxton: yea

Genji Shimada: You better?

Lena Oxton: ehh

Lena Oxton: Don't worry about me luv

Lena Oxton: just having a bad day is all

Genji Shimada: That sucks

Lena Oxton: Hbu?

Genji Shimada: I'm not having a good day either.

Genji Shimada: I think I'll apologize to the group later.I may have been a little too rude

Lena Oxton: Nah you're fine!!

Lena Oxton: We all have our bad days.

Lena Oxton: And you're rightfully upset!especially about the whole weaponizing thing :/

Genji Shimada: Hm.

Lena Oxton: Hey uh.

Lena Oxton: We're friends right?

Genji Shimada: Yes

Genji Shimada: As much as I like to make fun of your terrible taste,we're friends

Lena Oxton: Thanks

Lena Oxton: Wrll uh I'm going to be straight forward

Genji Shimada: You can't

Lena Oxton: why?

Genji Shimada: you can't be straight

Lena Oxton: keiksmisiJniwxsbi

Lena Oxton: Genji!!!Im trying to be serious don't make me laugh!!

Genji Shimada: Sorry

Lena Oxton: Ok so

Lena Oxton: I wanna talk about something.

Lena Oxton: It's very personal and I haven't talked about it with anyone

Lena Oxton: Well I have but it's been a while

Lena Oxton: Only Winston knows

Lena Oxton: And you're really blunt and I want to hear the truth

Lena Oxton: I don't want people to coddle me on this

Genji Shimada: Well

Genji Shimada: I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult so

Genji Shimada: Thanks

Genji Shimada: And fuck you

Lena Oxton: it's both!!but mostly a compliment

Lena Oxton: so Well!Uh

Lena Oxton:

Lena Oxton: haha

Genji Shimada: Alright,let me help

Genji Shimada: Is it a girl?

Lena Oxton: yea

Genji Shimada: I see.

Genji Shimada: A crush?

Lena Oxton: yep

Lena Oxton: more like I've been in love since I've seen her and I can't stop thinking about her and about kissing her and hugging her and having her and _Genji I can't take this anymore_

Genji Shimada: Ah

Genji Shimada: Well then why don't you ask her out?

Lena Oxton: That's when the problem starts luv!!

Lena Oxton: she barely knows me.she thinks I'm just an annoying loser

Lena Oxton: I know I am!!!!!But

Lena Oxton: I don't want her to think I am!!i want her to think I'm cool!!!

Genji Shimada: You're not.Dont worry

Lena Oxton: thanks??

Lena Oxton: Anyways also she's married.to a guy

Genji Shimada: oh

Genji Shimada: I mean she could be bi or pan

Lena Oxton: I know but I think she's straight

Genji Shimada: Oh no that's awful

Genji Shimada: That's the worst

Lena Oxton: yeah and her husband is really nice!!I don't want to ruin a marriage!!

Lena Oxton: they look so happy together but I can't look at her without being jealous

Lena Oxton: And then I feel bad because I'm jealous because I shouldn't be!!

Lena Oxton: and then I have a breakdown!!!!

Genji Shimada: Lena,wait

Lena Oxton: I'm scared I can't do this anymore

Lena Oxton: I'm too anxious these days it's a mess

Lena Oxton: wait wasn't I on the couch

Lena Oxton: why am I on the carpet

Lena Oxton: oh

Lena Oxton: oh no

Genji Shimada: You're blinking again.Breathe in

Genji Shimada: Breathe out

Lena Oxton: oh no I didn't

Lena Oxton: I didn't notice I was blinking

Lena Oxton: sorry

Lena Oxton: when I'm anxious I do that

Genji Shimada: It's ok Lena

Genji Shimada: breathe more slowly.youre still blinking

Genji Shimada: do you need a hand?or a glass of water

Lena Oxton: Urhj

Lena Oxton: I'm going to my room I need to move

Lena Oxton: Can we finish this talk later?

Genji Shimada: sure.

Genji Shimada: go get some rest.

Lena Oxton: thanks Genji.

Lena Oxton: sorry :/

 

_Lena Oxton has disconnected_

 

_Jack Morrison has reconnected_

_Gabriel Reyes has reconnected_

_Reinhardt Wilhelm has reconnected_

_Jesse McCree has reconnected_

_we are all bad at our jobs has now participants online again._

 

Jesse McCree: Tf was that?

Jesse McCree: just saw a blur of light by the tv what was that

Jack Morrison: That was Oxton.

Jack Morrison: pay attention to the movie.

 

_Jack Morrison has disconnected_

 

Gabriel Reyes: Damn.I thought she was feeling better

Genji Shimada: she's just having a bad day,let her be

Gabriel Reyes: I know,I just

Gabriel Reyes: I wanted to help

Jesse McCree: Don't worry dad you can't always please everyone

Genji Shimada: Jesse is right.For once.

Jesse McCree: thanks

Jesse McCree: ...I guess

Genji Shimada: Besides you tried.And it helped,she just got too anxious to bear it.Shell be fine.

Genji Shimada: I hope

Gabriel Reyes: I don't know

Gabriel Reyes: I feel like I could've helped more?

Gabriel Reyes: Was the movie bad??Did I say something wrong

Gabriel Reyes: Were the drinks too cold??Oh my god maybe she wanted to be alone and I just made it worse

 

_Ana Amari has reconnected_

 

Ana Amari: Gabe please breathe

Ana Amari: it's not your fault.Sometimes we cant help others but you tried,and she knows it and I assure you she is grateful.

Ana Amari: dont worry.

 

_Ana Amari has disconnected_

 

Gabriel Reyes: Right.right.

Gabriel Reyes: We don't need TWO people having a breakdown

Gabriel Reyes: but still

Gabriel Reyes: I feel like I could've helped more

Genji Shimada: Trust me you couldn't

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: What does that mean

Jesse McCree: Genji do you know why she's like that??

Genji Shimada: No

Genji Shimada: Why are we texting were right next to each other

Jesse McCree: don't change the subject

Gabriel Reyes: If we start talking Ana will punch us

Gabriel Reyes: She loves these cowboy movies Jesse has.

Reinhardt Wilhem: And so does Fareeha!

Jesse McCree: Genji you

Jesse McCree: ...

Jesse McCree: Yeah

Jesse McCree: Wait if she's payin so much attention then how come she just told Gabe to breath like a second ago

Gabriel Reyes: Well she knows me

Gabriel Reyes: She was sitting next to me and I was starting to get anxious and she noticed it

Gabriel Reyes: So instead of punching me for not paying attention to the movie she texted me

Gabriel Reyes: Because sometimes I'm so anxious I can't hear people talking to me and she knows that

Gabriel Reyes: so she sent it to make sure I would read it

Jesse McCree: ooooh

Genji Shimada: cute

Gabriel Reyes: well NOW she just punched me.

 

_Ana Amari has reconnected_

 

Ana Amari: ALL OF YOU

Ana Amari: THE MOVIE!!

Ana Amari: STOP TALKING AND PAY ATTENTION OR ILL PUNCH EVERYONE

Genji Shimada: Aight

 

_Torbjörn Lindholm has reconnected_

 

Torbjörn Lindholm: theyre not talking

Ana Amari: don't

Torbjörn Lindholm: theyre _typing!_

Torbjörn Lindholm: _:)_

 

_Torbjörn Lindholm has disconnected_

 

Reinhardt Wilhelm: ahah good one Torb!

Genji Shimada: the dude connected _just_ so he could make this horrible joke and immediately left so he wouldnt have to face consequences

Genji Shimada: thats... really something 

Ana Amari: Gabe how can I block someone in real life

Genji Shimada: jsjdjcj

Ana Amari: JESSE I CAN SEE YOU HIDING YOUR PHONE

Jesse McCree: Hold on m'aam i just gotta do something

Ana Amari: make it quick

Jesse McCree: <|:)

 

_Ana Amari has disconnected_

_Gabriel Reyes has disconnected_

_Reinhardt Wilhelm has disconnected_

 

_Private conversation between @Genji Shimada and @Jesse McCree_

 

Jesse McCree: Genji

Jesse McCree: listen.

Jesse McCree: I know yer think I'm a buffoon or somethin but I'm not

Jesse McCree: I'm not the brightest but I'm not completely numb

Jesse McCree: What's going on with Lena

Jesse McCree: Saw you two typing when no else was

Genji Shimada: wow

Jesse McCree: I don't know why she's like that

Jesse McCree: And if you do I'm askin you to help me out here

Genji Shimada: I can't tell.

Jesse McCree: alright

Jesse McCree: s ok.I just don't want to leave her alone

Genji Shimada: What do you mean

Genji Shimada: she's _anxious_ let her be

Jesse McCree: pardner no offense but I know her more then you do

Genji Shimada: I'm not offended

Jesse McCree: And I know her breakdowns

Jesse McCree: she isolates herself but then it makes it worse because she panics

Jesse McCree: Because she can't talk to anyone and it only worsens it

Jesse McCree: m not askin for you to spill all her secrets

Jesse McCree: m just asking if you agree with me on this?to help her?

Jesse McCree: Please?

Jesse McCree: Just create a group for us three that's all

Genji Shimada: You don't need to ask twice

Genji Shimada: Hold on

 

_Genji Shimada created the group blank name_

_Genji Shimada added Lena Oxton and Jesse McCree to blank name_

_Lena Oxton has reconnected_

 

Lena Oxton: luvs!!

Lena Oxton: right on time

Lena Oxton: I was thinking about getting back

Jesse McCree: howdy

Lena Oxton: Jesse!!how are you

Lena Oxton: uh

Lena Oxton: Genji you know you can give the group a name right?

Genji Shimada: yeah but I thought putting it like this would be funny

Lena Oxton: Oh

Jesse McCree: Alright

Jesse McCree: Lena

Lena Oxton: I know

Lena Oxton: I have to breathe and calm down and stuff

Jesse McCree: nah

Jesse McCree: Just wanna talk is all

Lena Oxton: oh?

Lena Oxton: sure

Jesse McCree: wanna talk about what's botherin ya?

Lena Oxton: sure

Genji Shimada: Lena

Genji Shimada: do you want me to tell?

Lena Oxton: would appreciate it

Jesse McCree: don't worry Genji

Jesse McCree: Lena

Jesse McCree: Is it Amélie?

Genji Shimada: who tf is that

Jesse McCree: Girl Lena has a crush on

Genji Shimada: oh

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: **_WAIT HOW THE FUCK_ **

Lena Oxton: yea

Genji Shimada: ?????? How do you know

Genji Shimada: Lena did you tell him

Lena Oxton: nop

Jesse McCree: I figured

Jesse McCree: Genji.

Jesse McCree: I know I say some weird shit

Lena Oxton: and wear some weird stuff too :/

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: anyways

Jesse McCree: I know I dont act and look like the smartest

Jesse McCree: but just cause I'm not all logical and serious doesn't mean I don't understand people

Jesse McCree: Second time I tell you this

Genji Shimada: I

Lena Oxton: Loves let's not fight

Jesse McCree: we won't

Jesse McCree: don't worry love <| :)

Lena Oxton: haha

Lena Oxton: ok I don't know if I want to talk about Amy

Jesse McCree: s ok

Lena Oxton: hey Genji how's the recovering?

Lena Oxton: if you don't mind me asking course

Genji Shimada: welp

Genji Shimada: Yeah it's going I guess

Genji Shimada: Everything hurts a little less now

Genji Shimada: I'm having trouble with sleeping mostly

Genji Shimada: I can't sleep without remembering that day with all the gory details

Genji Shimada: eating is worse though

Genji Shimada: it's like I can feel the taste of my own blood again especially when I eat meat

Genji Shimada: some days ago I had a small cut on my mouth and I literally had a panic attack

Genji Shimada: what's left of my mouth anyways

Lena Oxton: Genji that's horrible!!

Jesse McCree: you don't have to be alone to go trough all that

Genji Shimada: lol

Lena Oxton: how come Angie didn't mention this???

Genji Shimada: lol,again

Genji Shimada: she doesn't want everyone to know how badly this is going : )

Lena Oxton: ah

Jesse McCree: how bad would you say it is

Genji Shimada: bad like I want to die every day?

Genji Shimada: bad like I have no family left?

Genji Shimada: bad like I'm a literal living war machine?

Genji Shimada: take your pick

Jesse McCree: dang

Genji Shimada: Urgh

Genji Shimada: I was rude _again_

Genji Shimada: sorry

Jesse McCree: no it's ok

Lena Oxton: don't worry love it's fine

Genji Shimada: God I hate

Genji Shimada: I hate Hanzo I hate Angela I hate my family I hate myself

Jesse McCree: don't hate yourself pardner

Lena Oxton: you're a great guy Genji!!!You deserve to be happy and you will

Genji Shimada: doubt it but thanks

Jesse McCree: listen

Jesse McCree: can't do much about the Angela thing cause I already did

Jesse McCree: had a pretty heavy fight with her one of these days

Jesse McCree: But no one takes me seriously so it didn't work

Jesse McCree: **But Mr. Fratricide Shimada???**

Jesse McCree: I'll go full Ana and beat him up

Genji Shimada: JDJDICJEKKKFKFK KnekjkdiKjwjsiJWNIDIWNDIEJENID

Jesse McCree: what's so funny I'm serious

Genji Shimada: he murdered me

Genji Shimada: I trained my whole life to be always ready to fight and he murdered me easily and im sure he regretted it so he wasnt even going full force

Lena Oxton: didn't you say you didn't attack back?

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: oh yeah that

Genji Shimada: **ANYWAYS THIS IS IRRELEVANT RIGHT NOW**

Jesse McCree: **ACTUALLY THIS IS ULTRA RELEVANT**

Lena Oxton: jsjdjdjdi

Genji Shimada: WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS THAT HANZO WOULD BEAT YOU UP _EFFORTLESSLY_

Genji Shimada: BECAUSE HE IS A TRAINED SWORDFIGHTER THAT HAD COLD BLOOD ENOUGH TO MURDER HIS OWN BROTHER

Genji Shimada: well i mean im just simplifying it itys way deeper then that but my point is.

Genji Shimada: YOURE JUST A PONCHO WEARING TWINK WITH A GUN JESSE!!

Lena Oxton: why the caps

Jesse McCree: **how in the damn am I a twink**

Lena Oxton: how in the damn

Jesse McCree: I'm a **TWUNK** get it right

Lena Oxton: how did we get here

Genji Shimada: doesn't change JACK if you're a _twink or twunk_

Genji Shimada: what I mean is that you will die so _don't_

Jesse McCree: listen

Jesse McCree: I got a GUN

Jesse McCree: he has a SWORD

Jesse McCree: pretty clear who would win pardner!!!!

Genji Shimada: yes

Genji Shimada: Hanzo

Lena Oxton: Genji I'll have to disagree on this one love

Genji Shimada: you two don't know Hanzo

Genji Shimada: I do

Genji Shimada: he would win

Jesse McCree: Alright so

Jesse McCree: if _somehow_

Jesse McCree: we met,we fought and I ended up winning

Jesse McCree: would you admit I'm right?

Genji Shimada: that's impossible

Genji Shimada: but sure.

Genji Shimada: however

Genji Shimada: if you DO meet him and lose

Genji Shimada: I get to drop kick you

Jesse McCree: ok?

Genji Shimada: into a lake

Jesse McCree: why a lake

Genji Shimada: wait I'm not done

Genji Shimada: AND someone would have to film it

Jesse McCree: I

Genji Shimada: AAAND someone else would have to take a picture of the exact moment id be hitting you

Jesse McCree: that's not gonna be easy

Genji Shimada: if it doesn't work well just repeat it over and over until it does

Genji Shimada: after all that we will frame the picture and put it on someplace where everyone can see it

Jesse McCree: Jesus Genji this is so oddly specific

Lena Oxton: it kinda is

Jesse McCree: have you been planning to do this

Genji Shimada: yes I _was_ going to do this with Hanzo

Genji Shimada: but he killed me

Genji Shimada: so

Jesse McCree: alright

Jesse McCree: deal

Lena Oxton: are you two serious??????

Genji Shimada: _dead_ serious

Genji Shimada: haha

Jesse McCree: Genji

Lena Oxton: Genji no

Genji Shimada: let me cope?

Genji Shimada: anyways

Genji Shimada: Ana just kicked me

Genji Shimada: she told me to pay attention to the movie

Jesse McCree: I'll do the same

Lena Oxton: alright

Jesse McCree: is it ok if you stay alone now?

Lena Oxton: yeah I'm going to take a nap now

Lena Oxton: bye guys

Genji Shimada: bye Lena

Jesse McCree: see ya

 

_Lena Oxton has disconnected_

 

Jesse McCree: well

Genji Shimada: Jesse go back to watching the movie

Jesse McCree: haha sure

Jesse McCree: one last thing

Genji Shimada: make it quick

Jesse McCree: if you ever need anything

Jesse McCree: just message me Kay Genji?

Jesse McCree: I know what's like to feel alone

Genji Shimada: I doubt it.

Genji Shimada: But...thanks.

Genji Shimada: let's pay attention now.i don't want to get beat up

Jesse McCree: neither do I

Jesse McCree: nice talking to you.

Jesse McCree: <| :)

Genji Shimada: don't ever send me this emoticon again or I swear I'll block you instantly

Jesse McCree: <|:(

 

_Genji Shimada has disconnected_

_Jesse McCree has disconnected_

_There are no participants of this group online_


	2. Free gifts everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ovw crew decides to exchange gifts and what a surprise its a mess.mei is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright for starters apparently for americans secret friend is called secret santa and its a christmas specific activity...?????anyways im latinx (brazilian) and here like this thing has no correlation to religion (as far as im concerned)??like im not christian (i dont even have a religion lel) and i do it with my friends and most of them arent christian?So anyways basically in this fic ovw has their own non religious day off by the end of the year + they have a secret santa (but its not really it bc not everyone is christian)  
> Well anyways I want to apologize if I offend someone who doesnt celebrate christmas.PLEASE let me know if i say/write something offensive in this chapter and ill fix it immediately!!and again i apologize if you had to see it.If youre anxious about confrontation or something dw because you can comment as a guest and if it somehow doesnt work you can pm me/send an anon on any of my tumblrs! (ill leave a link to them on the final notes)  
> Alright so this fic will have some slight Torbjorn/Reinhardt and Ana/Reinhardt.Also Ana/Gabriel,its not really explicit but :/ Theres some slight Lena/Mei here and if u squint theres McCree/Genji  
> Uh i guess this is it!ty for reading my dumb fic lel and PLEASE let me know if i fucked smth up!!

Chatwatch Ch2

_All participants of this group are now online_

_Happy holidays!_

Gabriel Reyes: Good morning everyone!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: Hey!!!!

Lena Oxton: JEIXJIE MEI

Lena Oxton: MEI!!!!!HI MEI!!!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: Hey Lena!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: how are you?

Lena Oxton: I'm better now that you're here!!!!! <33333333

Mei-Ling Zhou: ah,thank you!!I missed you too <3

Jesse MCree: hey Mei <| :)

Mei-Ling Zhou: hey Jesse!!

Genji Shimada: yo I don't know you I'm Genji

Mei-Ling Zhou: hi!!im Mei-Ling Zhou :) nice to meet you Genji!!ive heard a lot about you

Genji Shimada: oh

Ana Amari: hello Mei

Ana Amari: how are you doing?

Mei-Ling Zhou: I'm great!!

Mei-Ling Zhou: me and my colleagues just finished decorating our base for Christmas :)

Genji Shimada: oh yeah it's Christmas lol

Mei-Ling Zhou: not all of us celebrate it but it's worth the presents we can win :)

Mei-Ling Zhou: Oh!

Mei-Ling Zhou: Gabe are you guys going to have a secret friend again??

Gabriel Reyes: Yes!!Its today

Mei-Ling Zhou: Urgh I wish I was there :(

Gabriel Reyes: :(

Gabriel Reyes: hm

Gabriel Reyes: hey everyone?

Gabriel Reyes: I have an idea!

Ana Amari: yea?

Gabriel Reyes: lets do our secret friend here!

Gabriel Reyes: so Mei can know how it went! :)

Gabriel Reyes: all of you know who you got right?

Ana Amari: hm

Ana Amari: ok but how will we give the presents?not all of us are in the base

Jesse McCree: yea I'm outside now

Gabriel Reyes: We can give them later,no problem

Gabriel Reyes: what do you guys say?

Jack Morrison: ok.

Ana Amari: sure sounds nice

Jesse McCree: yeah!!

Genji Shimada: sure

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Yes!!!(Torb said yes too!!)

Angie: sure :)

Mei-Ling Zhou: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! <3333333

Ana Amari: alright

Ana Amari: Gabriel could you add Fareeha?She joined it too :)

Jesse McCree: **YES**

Ana Amari: everyone please keep the swearing to a minimum especially you Jesse

Jesse McCree: don't worry <|:)

_Gabriel Reyes changed the group's name from we are all bad at our jobs to Overwatch's Secret Friend_

_Gabriel Reyes added Fareeha Amari to Overwatch's Secret Friend_

_Fareeha Amari has connected_

Jesse McCree: <|:o

Fareeha Amari: :O

Jesse McCree: <|:OO

Jesse McCree: !!!!!!

Fareeha Amari: !!!!!!!!!!

Jesse McCree: FAREEHA!!!!WELCOME!!

Fareeha Amari: AAaaaAaAAA

Fareeha Amari: MOM THANK YOU!!!!!HEY JESS!!!!!!

Ana Amari: :)

Fareeha Amari: Hey!!!!!!Everyone!!!!!!!

Fareeha Amari: mom can I change my username????

Ana Amari: yes you can dear

_Fareeha Amari has altered their username to Pharah_

Pharah: thanks mom!!!!!!!

Pharah: It's going to be my call sign!!

Pharah: when I join overwatch >:)

Ana Amari: fareeha

Jesse McCree: Ana

Ana Amari: Ok.

Ana Amari: We can discuss this later

Gabriel Reyes: is everyone online?

Winston: Hello

Winston: Sorry I was working on something

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Torb broke his phone :(

Genji Shimada: how

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I don't know!!But he's right next to me :)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: So today I'm going to be Reinhardt and Torbjörn!Ha!

Genji Shimada: what do you mean he's right next to you

Jesse McCree: it's old people in love Genji

Ana Amari: Urgh these two always get sappy on holidays

Ana Amari: and exclude **me** >:(

Reinhardt Wilhelm: No no Ana don't worry!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Anyone can join our cuddle pile :)

Genji Shimada: **UM**

Ana Amari: Nah I'm fine

Ana Amari: Gabriel

Gabriel Reyes: yes?

Ana Amari: I'm going to take Fareeha and we're both going to cuddle you

Ana Amari: because it is COLD

Genji Shimada: smooth

Jesse McCree: hey that's my DAD

Jesse McCree: and kind of my mom

Pharah: THATS MY MOM

Pharah: and also kind of my dad!

Genji Shimada: sorry I take it back

Jack Morrison: Can we start it?

Jack Morrison: Who's going to go first?

Genji Shimada: wait hold on just a question

Genji Shimada: I'm new here how does it work

Jesse McCree: you have to describe who you got <|:)

Genji Shimada: are we celebrating Christmas?

Jesse McCree: nah

Jesse McCree: a lot of us don't so we just made up a holiday so we can win gifts

Jesse McCree: I did actually me and Fareeha did

Jesse McCree: it's just an excuse to have a day off <|;)

Gabriel Reyes: And you can have another day off when it's the day of whatever holiday you celebrate

Genji Shimada: oh ok

Genji Shimada: got it

Genj Shimada: can I start?

Jack Morrison: but I wanted to start ...

Gabriel Reyes: it's his first time Jack let him start

Genji Shimada: :) thank you commander Jesse's dad

Gabriel Reyes: jesse why does everyone refer to me as commander dad

Jesse McCree: cause youre a dad <I:)

Gabriel Reyes: im not fudjnc

Genji Shimada: alright

Genji Shimada: so my secret friend is someone I don't know jack about

Jesse McCree: is it Jack

Genji Shimada: and

Genji Shimada: Jesse you can't

Genji Shimada: YES IT IS JACK GODDAMN MORRISON JESSE COME ON

Jack Morrison: oh.

Genji Shimada: yeah it's you you freak

Genji Shimada: I didn't know what you liked so I got you a recipe book

Jack Morrison: why?

Genji Shimada: it's a recipe book in which all recipes use corn I thought you would like it

Jesse McCree: JueiiJiwidiuJJWIDJ

SUDHBSHH

Jack Morrison: wow.

Jack Morrison: w o w.

Jack Morrison: ...I LOVE IT!!!!

Lena Oxton: omg

Jack Morrison: THANK YOU!!

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: I legitimately can't tell if you're being sarcastic

Jack Morrison: I'm not!!

Jack Morrison: oh Genji you really know me!! :~)

Genji Shimada: holy shit

Genji Shimada: I bought this as a joke and I got it right

Genji Shimada: no offense but I'm a fcking God

Mei-Ling Zhou: lol XD

Jack Morrison: Alright,my turn!!

Jack Morrison: I got someone who is a great "person"!

Jack Morrison: He is a "guy" I respect a lot!

Jack Morrison: And he is a really funny ""dude""!

Genji Shimada: wow how subtle

Winston:

Winston: ....is it me

Jack Morrison: yes!

Winston: ....

Winston: ...I have other characteristics other than being an ape.I have a phd!Im a scientist!Im from the moon!!!!

Jack Morrison: I bought you three jars of peanut butter! :~)

Winston: aAAAAAAAAAAAHHEH

SHDHJDCSKIJDIRIFIGIIRJ JFJJCJ

Winston: _**YES**_

Winston: I mean

Winston: thank you Jack :)

Jesse McCree: Hey Winston

Jesse McCree: wanna join the spirit of unity and share some of that treasure with us? <| <:)

Winston: no

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: <|<:(

Genji Shimada: your emoticons become worse and worse everytime you send them Jess

Winston: Well my turn now!!

Winston: So I got someone who is also a great "person"!

Winston: :)

Genji Shimada: is it me

Genji Shimada: because I'm a cyborg

Winston: _:)_

Genji Shimada: is this revenge for me calling you donkey kong

Winston: **_:)_**

Genji Shimada: ok that's fair

Genji Shimada: what did you get for me

Winston: so I didn't really know what you liked :(

Genji Shimada: oh no

Winston: but I asked your friends!

Genji Shimada: **oh no**

Genji Shimada: **LENA I SWEAR IF YOU TOLD HIM TO BUY ANYTHING SONIC RELATED TO ME**

Winston: she did

Genji Shimada: _**Lena Oxton**_

Lexa Oxton: Cheers love! :)

Winston: but I didn't buy it

Genji Shimada: what

Lena Oxton: WINSTON!

Winston: I doubted you would actually like it

Genji Shimada: oh my god....thank you so much

Winston: so I asked Jesse

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: no

Genji Shimada: NO

Genji Shimada: **NO I PREFER THE SONIC BODY PILLOW WINSTON WHY**

Jesse McCree: <|:/

Winston: so he told me to buy a pachimari for you.

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada he

Jesse McCree: know they mean a lot to you

Winston: I didn't have time to ask anyone else so I bought it

Winston: I hope it's what you wanted?Apologies if it isn't :(

Genji Shimada: th

Genji Shimada: Jesse

Genji Shimada: Winston I

Genji Shimada: djjddj

Gabriel Reyes: Genji are you alright?

Mei-Ling Zhou: Genji?

Jesse McCree: JEJXJ HOLY SHIT

Jesse McCree: I WAS CHILLING HERE OUTSIDE AND GENJI HUST CLIMBED UP THE ROOF AND LAUNCHED BY ME JSJD

Jesse McCree: HES JUST STARING AT ME AND MAKING THIS WEIRD ASS WHIRRING

Jesse McCree: @ANGLE HELP ME HES MAKING NOISES WHAT DO I DO?!!??

Genji Shimada: That

Genji Shimada: I am fucking crying Jesse

Genji Shimada: you weirdo

Genji Shimada: I don't deserve this

Jesse McCree: oh my god I'm

Jesse McCree: I thought you liked them I'm so sorry!!!

Genji Shimada: NO

Genji Shimada: I LOV THEM!!!I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER SEE ONE AGAIN

Genji Shimada: THIS IS SUCH A NICE THING JESSE WHAT THE FUCK?!

Genji Shimada: IM LITERALLY CRYING I USED TO COLLECT THESE AND

Genji Shimada: AAAAAnajjJUWUZYYWHDJjhxu

Jesse McCree: Genji Genji

Jesse McCree: hey it's ok

Jesse McCree:

Lena Oxton: Genji??

Mei-Ling Zhou: McCree what's going on rn??

Jesse McCree: it's ok

Jesse McCree: he hugged me and he's crying but he's fine

Jesse McCree: I didn't expect this <|:/

Jesse McCree: Winston

Winston: Jesse please say I apologize i didn't mean to

Jesse McCree: no he said he loved it

Jesse McCree: he can't wait to get it he loves these things

Jesse McCree: job well done <|:)

Jesse McCree: he's moving

Jesse McCree: he's still half hugging me but he seems better

Genji Shimada: hey uh I'm back

Genji Shimada: please ignore all that

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Genji do you need anything?

Genji Shimada: I'm good thanks.

Genji Shimada: whew

Genji Shimada: anyways!im fine

Genji Shimada: just having my daily breakdown.

Genji Shimada: this time for non weaponizing or fratricidal reasons so we're good

Genji Shimada: so thanks Winston

Genji Shimada: thank you very much

Genji Shimada: it means a lot

Lena Oxton: now I know what to give to you on your birthday!!!

Ana Amari: so do I. :)

Gabriel Reyes: Genji do you know where those sell?

Gabriel Reyes: if you want we could buy some for you if it makes you feel better.

Genji Shimada: hey uh no offense but being this nice should be illegal and I'm going to cry again?

Pharah: Hey Genji!!!!!

Pharah: i know a place!!i saw it when me and Jesse went to the mall :)

Pharah: We can go there!

Genji Shimada: thanks Fareeha :)

Genji Shimada: alright so who is next now

Lena Oxton: can I go??

Lena Oxton: I got someone who's really rad >:)

Lena Oxton: she's really strong and she is the (second) COOLEST!!!!!!And one day I wanna be as cool as her!!!!!

Ana Amari: lol not me

Pharah: is it my mom?

Lena Oxton: YE

Ana Amari: Oh .

Lena Oxton: ANA YOURE AMAZING!!!!

Ana Amari: pfhs

Ana Amari: not really

Ana Amari: but thank you Lena.

Lena Oxton: I got you some boxes of tea!!i didn't know what flavors you liked so I bought like ten different ones

Ana Amari: y es...

Ana Amari: this is everything I ever wanted

Ana Amari: thank you Lena :)

Ana Amari: Alright

Ana Amari: so I got Tombrojorn

Reinhardt Wilhelm: ANA

Jesse McCree: NAJUENUCHDNCIF

Pharah: mom!!!yiu have to describe to person

Ana Amari: I did

Ana Amari: he's trobbronjor

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb here) WHY DO YOU ALWAYS BUTCHER MY NAME

Ana Amari: cause we're friends torbo

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) ......

Reinhardt Wilhelm: haha!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) alright.what did you get me?

Ana Amari: a new tool box

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) oh thanks

Ana Amari: and

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :0

Reinhard Wilhelm: (Torb) and what

Ana Amari: I found your Santa Claus costume

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) **YES**

Jesse McCree: NO

Pharah: YES

Lena Oxton: NOOOOOO

Jack Morrison: Ana why??

Mei-Ling Zhou: :OOOO

Genji Shimada: his what

Lena Oxton: Christmas for Torb is like Halloween for Gabe :(

Gabriel Reyes: hey

Lena Oxton: you know I'm right Gabi >:(

Genji Shimada: I wasn't here for Halloween

Lena Oxton: well he is obsessed w it

Lena Oxton: and he wears this Santa Claus costume for like an entire month even in battle

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) SANTA TORB IS BACK

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :)

Genji Shimada: why can't I just have normal friends

Pharah: haha

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) well this is great!I look forward to wear my costume again

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) my turn now

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) I got someone who almost lost their medical license for trying to amputate my arm after I accidentally shoved a screwdriver there

Angie: haha it's me :)

Angie: I really can't drink when I'm working :( I get the worst ideas

Genji Shimada: OUR FUCKING DOCTOR EVERYONE!!!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) I got you a book titled "it isn't always the perfect time and place to do a drastic surgery" written by me

Angie: ha

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) just joking.i got you a coffee machine and a mug

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) I built the coffee machine by the way

Angie: thanks!

Angie: well now it's my turn.

Angie: I got someone who...

Angie: has a loud voice!

Jesse McCree: me

Ana Amari: ??since when do you have a loud voice

Jesse McCree: I don't I just want to get my PRESENT IVE BEEN WAITING FOREVER

Mei-Ling Zhou: poor Jesse <:(

Lena Oxton: yea

Lena Oxton: I didn't get a present too >:(

Jack Morrison: is it

Reinhardt Wilhelm: IS IT ME?!

Angie: Yes! :)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: AAAAAAAAAAA

Angie: I got you a hasselholf cd :)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: AAAAAAAAAA

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

Genji Shimada: **I can hear him screaming and I am outside**

Reinhardt Wilhelm: THANK YOU!!!!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: OH MY GOD **YES**

Ana Amari: so rein

Ana Amari: who did you get? :)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: oh I got someone who is simply the coolest!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I got the only person who is stronger than me here!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: And who is more determined than me!!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: This person is someone I can consider an inspiration!!!

Jesse McCree: it's not me

Pharah: :( Jesse you will get your gift,don't worry!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Fareeha it's you!!!

Pharah:

Pharah: what

Pharah: ????

Pharah: what???????

Pharah: WHAT

Pharah: ????

Reinhardt Wilhelm: it's you!!!

Pharah:

Ana Amari: :) It's you dear.

Pharah: I

Pharah: I. I he

Pharah: I'm

Pharah: his inspiration and

Pharah: I

Pharah: haha

Pharah: hahaj tjanks rein ha

Pharah: I I have to leave

Pharah: thanks rein i

_Pharah has disconnected_

Ana Amari: she is crying.

Ana Amari: me and Gabe are with her.The light in her eyes...

Ana Amari: Rein.thank you

Reinhardt Wilhelm: it's the truth,Ana!Your daughter is a real star.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Tell her I got something she will like.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Our plan :)

Ana Amari: thank you.

Jesse McCree: plan?

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I am going to train her

Reinhardt Wilhelm: she is such a good kid and I want to teach her all I know

Jesse McCree: OMG she's gonna flip

Ana Amari: I'll tell her later.

Ana Amari: Fareeha really adores you,Rein.Thank you.This means so much to her

Ana Amari: Well she is still a little shaky so I'll do her job for now.

Ana Amari: I know who she got.

Gabriel Reyes: I'm glad to see she got this happy :,)

Gabriel Reyes: so who did she get?

Ana Amari: well she got someone who she sees as also an inspiration.

Ana Amari: who is a friend for her,and like a parental figure for her.

Ana Amari: she loves this person very much and all of us do.

Ana Amari: without this person we wouldn't all be here

Ana Amari: and I can say that I love this person dearly just like she does.And I can speak for all of us,this person is someone all of overwatch adores.

Gabriel Reyes: oh

Gabriel Reyes: is it Jesse?

Jesse McCree: no dad

Gabriel Reyes: uh Jack?

Jack Morrison: No,Gabe

Angie: Gabriel

Genji Shimada: even I know

Gabriel Reyes:

Ana Amari: it's you Gabriel!

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: hey

Gabriel Reyes: I'm not all that

Gabriel Reyes: no I'm

Gabriel Reyes: no oh my god

Genji Shimada: this secret friend is more like "make as many people cry as possible:the nice version”

Jesse McCree: IT IS

Gabriel Reyes: oh my god

Gabriel Reyes: is this why you told me to wear waterproof mascara Ana

Ana Amari: yeah duh

Ana Amari: why else

Ana Amari: not like we would be going to an underwater mission

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: Aaaaaand you didn't follow my advice.

Ana Amari: Gabe I love you but you're a dumbass

Gabriel Reyes: I COULDNT FIND IT OK

Jesse McCree: :)

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: son did you

Genji Shimada: actually It was me I stole it

Genji Shimada: but me and Jesse are both wearing it so we're both at fault

Gabriel Reyes: why

Lena Oxton: this is

Jack Morrison: ?????????

Jack Morrison: why do you need it to be waterproof Genji??you hide behind a mask!

Genji Shimada: I can remove it

Genji Shimada: and I can look pretty if want Jack Corn

Ana Amari: Jesus Gabriel how much mascara do you use

Ana Amari: there's like two black rivers going down his cheeks

Gabriel Reyes: ITS JOT MY FAULT

Jesse McCree: jdjcix I used to be like that all the time when I didn't know bout the wonders of waterproof make up

Mei-Ling Zhou: Haha

Lena Oxton: me too!!I cry so easily I couldn't watch a single movie with my friends without looking like abstract art

Lena Oxton: but Mei taught me how to use it properly <3333

Mei-Ling Zhou: <3 ^u^

Ana Amari: I feel like I'm the only one in overwatch who doesn't wear tons of make up like y'all

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Fareeha doesn't too!

Ana Amari: yea JUST Fareeha but because she young

Ana Amari: I think our biggest money debt isn't because of war but because you guys can't go a day without spending $1000 on makeup

Gabriel Reyes: you have to look pretty to kill!

Ana Amari: holy sHIT

Ana Amari: that was the most emo thing I have ever heard

Gabriel Reyes: thanks?

Gabriel Reyes: hey I have to give my present!!!!

Jesse McCree: yea

Lena Oxton: please I want my present

Gabriel Reyes: alright I am going to be quick

Gabriel Reyes: my secret friend stole my waterproof make up more times than I can remember

Gabriel Reyes: he is also my son

Jesse McCree: **YES**

Lena Oxton: >:(

Jesse McCree: **FINALLY**

Gabriel Reyes: well I got you two things Jesse.

Gabriel Reyes: I got a hat for your collection

Jesse McCree: YESS

Gabriel Reyes: it's a normal cowboy hat with a skull pattern

Jesse McCree: YES OH MY GO IM GONAN NUT

Genji Shimada: McCree over here nutting over a cowboy hat

Jesse McCree: I'm not going To literally nut Genji

Gabriel Reyes: also I knit something for you

Jesse McCree: oh M y **YES**

Gabriel Reyes: it's just a dumb sweater.

Gabriel Reyes: it's slightly oversized because I know you like this type

Gabriel Reyes: and uh

Gabriel Reyes: I wrote bamf on it

Jesse McCree: _**FHOLY FKCICNHABC D SHIT**_

Genji Shimada: Reyes why

Ana Amari: Jesse don't wear that on the battlefield please

Jesse McCree: I WONT

Ana Amari: good

Jesse McCree: IM GOING TO WEAR THIS ALL THE DAMN TIME

Jesse McCree: IM NEVER TAKING IT OFF

Genji Shimada: Gabriel what have you done

Jack Morrison: Gabriel!!

Gabriel Reyes: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Ana Amari: OMG

Reinhardt Wilhelm: (Torb) he knows...

Ana Amari: I thought Gabe was the drama stopper

Ana Amari: turns out he was actually the drama starter all along

Lena Oxton: wheREd MY GIFT

Jesse McCree: yeah y'all are so focused on just making fun of me and Lena is over here without her gift <|>:(

Genji Shimada: Jesse please stop adding hats to your emoticons

Jesse McCree: no

Jesse McCree: anyways I got Lena

Lena Oxton: YES

Angie: haha

Genji Shimada: really?wow who would've guessed it

Jesse McCree: .anyways.

Jesse McCree: Lena I bought you a pair of sneakers

Lena Oxton: oh

Lena Oxton: thanks

Lena Oxton: just that

Jesse McCree: yes just plain old sneakers.

Lena Oxton: oh

Lena Oxton: well thanks

Mei-Ling Zhou: xD

Mei-Ling Zhou: guys that was super fun but I have to go now...I will see all of you later!<3

_Mei-Ling Zhou has disconnected_

Gabriel Reyes: I just realized Ana didn't say what she got me

Ana Amari: yea

Ana Amari: I got you like three beanies

Ana Amari: and a waterproof make up kit

Gabriel Reyes: oh

Gabriel Reyes: I like it!!!

Gabriel Reyes: thanks :)

Ana Amari: I got you a yoga mat too

Gabriel Reyes:

Jack Morrison: that was my idea!

Jack Morrison: I read on the internet that yoga helps depression! :~)

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: I'm gongb to kill myself Ana why

Ana Amari: :)

Jack Morrison: well im going to go get my book now!!i want to try some of its recipes.

Ana Amari: I want to see the dumb recipes Jack is gonna make

Ana Amari: and I want tea.

Lena Oxton: I'll be bringing it to ya!! :)

Genji Shimada: ok so I'm going to my room to cry about my pachimari

Jesse McCree: I'm going to stay outside for a little while :/

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: are you ok?

Jesse McCree: yeah haha I'm fine!

Jesse McCree: Lena I left your sneakers on the common room :)

Lena Oxton: thanks!ill try them on

Genji Shimada: I'm inside the base now

Genji Shimada: ok I'm going to disconnect

Angie: me too.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: we are too!Im going to talk to Fareeha and Torbs going to get his tool box :)

Jesse McCree: hey dad can Lena use the sneakers I gave her?

Jesse McCree: in battle

Jesse McCree: they're just simple sneakers and all and the ones she's using are kinda falling apart <|:/

Gabriel Reyes: sure!

Gabriel Reyes: well talk to all of you later.This was fun!

_Jack Morrison has disconnected_

_Genji Shimada has disconnected_

_Ana Amari has disconnected_

_Reinhardt Wilhelm has disconnected_

_Gabriel Reyes has disconnected_

_Lena Oxton has disconnected_

Jesse McCree: <|:)

Jesse McCree: oh lol I was too late everyone's gone

_Jesse McCree has disconnected_

_There are no participants of this group online_

\--

_Lena Oxton has reconnected_

_Private chat between @Lena Oxton and @Jesse McCree_

Lena Oxton: YOU

Lena Oxton: !!!!!

Lena Oxton: JESSE IM HAVING A

Lena Oxton: I C A nnnoT BELIEVE RHIS!!!!!

Lena Oxton: OH MY GOD YOU

Lena Oxton: I HAVE TO TELL GENJI

_There are now participants online on blank name_

_Jesse McCree has reconnected_

Jesse McCree: <| :)

Lena Oxton: HOW THE

Lena Oxton: JESSE O M G

_Genji Shimada has reconnected_

Genji Shimada: I was having a moment here with my pachimari

Genji Shimada: why is Lena screaming

Jesse McCree: guess she likes the sneakers I gave her <|:)

Lena Oxton: AAAA

Genji Shimada: wow

Genji Shimada: a pair of shoes

Lena Oxton: Genji I you won't believe what happened

Lena Oxton: I got the box and went to my room

Lena Oxton:  he left me a small paper on it

Lena Oxton: "from: Jesse <|:)"

Genji Shimada: even on paper he draws the hat oh my GOD

Lena Oxton: So I opened the box expecting a normal pair of sneakers

Lena Oxton: and

Lena Oxton: Genji he

Lena Oxton: he bought me sonic and knuckles themed sneakers

Genji Shimada: **he what**

Lena Oxton: the left one is sonic themed the right one is knuckles themed

Lena Oxton: I screamed so hard I literally blinked face first into the wall

Lena Oxton: I think I may be blinking up the walls rn but I don't know

Lena Oxton: bc I'm SVREAMING

Lena Oxton: THIS IS THE BEST

Genji Shimada: I don't want to even think about this and how they look like

Lena Oxton: don't worry love you will see them soon :)

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: this is the most bizarre threat slash warning I've ever received

Genji Shimada: scratch that this is the most bizarre text message I have ever received

Genji Shimada: i feel like if I see these shoes I will instantly combust

Genji Shimada: an explanation would be appreciated?

Jesse McCree: I got Gabe to agree about her wearing those on the battlefield lol

Genji Shimada: oh yeah

Genji Shimada: Jesse you smart son of a bitch

Jesse McCree: <| :)

Lena Oxton: I'm wearing them RN!!!theyre s comfy and they have lights

Lena Oxton: when you walk the lights go on and off and they're blue + red I am loving this

Genji Shimada: I hate this

Genji Shimada: the worst part is that I can't even make fun of you

Lena Oxton: why not?

Jesse McCree: OMG

Lena Oxton: you had sonic sneakers too??!?

Genji Shimada: almost

Genji Shimada: they were pachimari themed

Jesse McCree: Jesus Genji you really liked  those things huh

Genji Shimada: yea I was Genji "pachimari lover" Shimada back then

Genji Shimada: God they had lights too

Genji Shimada: good memories

Genji Shimada: I kept bothering the elders for like a week begging for them

Genji Shimada: one day Hanzo just got tired of me complaining and bought a pair for me

Lena Oxton: wait

Lena Oxton: Hanzo?

Lena Oxton: your brother?

Genji Shimada: yeah who else

Genji Shimada: I wore that thing at every opportunity I had god it was so embarassing

Genji Shimada: our father was pissed and Hanzo was even MORE pissed at me

Genji Shimada: but I know he thought it was funny because everytime I came in the room with them he hid his face behind his hands

Jesse McCree: how is that finding it funny

Genji Shimada: I know him he was laughing

Genji Shimada: besides when the elders weren't near us he kept looking at my feet and giggling because it was almost as ridiculous as my hair

Genji Shimada: GOD I WENT TO PROM WITH THOSE

Jesse McCree: didn't know you had so much dirt on you Genji

Lena Oxton: you literally can't make fun of me anymore

Genji Shimada: ARGHHGH

Genji Shimada: THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME HE LAUGHED IN FRONT OF ANY OF THE ELDERS

Genji Shimada: please just imagine a younger version of me with bright green hair,a neon orange suit and pachimari sneakers

Lena Oxton: Genji you just lost any credit of making fun of me or McCree every again

Genji Shimada: maybe it's destiny that the people with the worst fashion sense all became friends

Jesse McCree: my fashion sense is perfect

Genji Shimada: ah yes absolutely Jesse "bad at making friends" McCree

Jesse McCree: what was that Genji "pachimari shoes" Shimada???

Lena Oxton: why do we always end up here

Genji Shimada: I don't know what you're talking about Lena "Sonic&Knuckles" Oxton <|:/

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: wait

Jesse McCree: **!!!!!!!!!!**

Lena Oxton: T _H EMOTI **CON**_

Genji Shimada: JESSE LOOK AT WHAT YOUVE DONE

Genji Shimada: SJIFICJDOCJIDK IDKJJDJK I AM GOING TO BLOCK YOU JESSE I CANT BELIEVE I ACCIDENTALLY USED THIS

Jesse McCree: Genji you just lost your card to make fun of us

Jesse McCree: after this whole pachimari thing and now this?

Jesse McCree: it's gone

Genji Shimada: how do I get it back

Jesse McCree: I don't know ask Ana

Lena Oxton: kskxiw

Lena Oxton: !!!!!!OMG I JUST REMEMBERED

Lena Oxton: guys!!!!

Lena Oxton: @Jess did you tell him?

Jesse McCree: tell what

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: oh whoops

Genji Shimada: tell what

Lena Oxton: Jesse!!!

Lena Oxton: me and Jesse were planning a secret friend between us three

Lena Oxton: we've become very close the past few weeks

Genji Shimada: are you saying I missed the chance of getting two gifts

Lena Oxton: :(

Lena Oxton:  and I bought mine!!! >:(

Jesse McCree: I bought mine too lol I just forgot to warn Genji

Jesse McCree: sorry

Genji Shimada: wait

Genji Shimada: I can come up with something

Genji Shimada: **I want two gifts**

Genji Shimada: Jesse are you in your room?

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: no?

Genji Shimada: good

Genji Shimada: brb

_Genji Shimada has disconnected_

Lena Oxton: Jesse >:(

Jesse McCree: the hell is he going to do in my room

Lena Oxton: don't change the subject!!!you forgot!!

Jesse McCree: sorry <|:/

Lena Oxton: I hope he didn't get me because I want a second present!!!

Jesse McCree: well he said he's going to come up with something

Lena Oxton: but I don't want anything from your room

Jesse McCree: woah RUDE

Lena Oxton: sorry love

Lena Oxton: just don't like cowboy stuff that much

Lena Oxton: and half naked men as well :/

Jesse McCree: what are you

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: **MY MAGAZINES**

Jesse McCree: **GENJI DONT TOUCH MY MAGAZINES**

Lena Oxton: he's not online he won't see this

Lena Oxton: also which magazines

Lena Oxton: the ones with all the western aesthetic or

Lena Oxton: the ones with the naked dudes

Jesse McCree: **BOTH**

Jesse McCree: mostly the latter I don't want him to judge me for liking sexy cowboys

Lena Oxton: **I** am going to judge you because you unironically like sexy Cowboys

Jesse McCree: aren't you a furry

Lena Oxton: what no

_Genji Shimada has reconnected_

Genji Shimada: hey so

Lena Oxton: I'm not a furry just because I think rouge the bat is hot >:(

Lena Oxton:

Genji Shimada:

Jesse McCree: KEIXJIECIJICJF

OCJRIFJ

Lena Oxton: I

Genji Shimada:

_Genji Shimada has changed the group's name from blank name to "I'm not a furry just because I think rouge the bat is hot >:(" -Oxton,Lena_

Lena Oxton: GNJI

Genji Shimada: **don't.**

Genji Shimada: I don't want to know

Genji Shimada: oh also

_Genji Shimada has changed the group's name from "I'm not a furry just because I think rouge the bat is hot >:(" -Oxton,Lena to "I'm not a furry just because I think rouge the bat is hot >:("-Oxton,Lena & "there's a snake in my pants" -one of Jesse's weird ass magazines_

Jesse McCree: ah

Genji Shimada: Jesse the gift is done but

Genji Shimada: what the **fuck**?????

Genji Shimada: why do you have so many cowboy porn Jesus cjirsyh

Jesse McCree: don't

Genji Shimada: NEIJCJDICKRICIFIKFI KDIX

Genji Shimada: "SEXY COWBOYS"????????THATS THE NAME OF THE MAGAZINE????

Genji Shimada: I EXPECTED SOMETHING WEIRD BUT NOT **THIS**

Genji Shimada: THIS IS SO FUNNY

_Genji Shimada changed the group's name from "I'm not a furry just because I think rouge the bat is hot >:(" -Oxton,Lena & "there's a snake in my pans" -one of Jesse's weird ass magazines to ~Sexy Cowboys~_

Jesse McCree: STOP MESSING WITH MY STUFF

Genji Shimada: I'm not these magazines were literally on your desk

Genji Shimada: I'm making fun of your lack of common sense for just leaving these here

Genji Shimada: and for having a magazine titled "sexy Cowboys"

Genji Shimada: I'm reading it btw

Lena Oxton: oh my gooood

Jesse McCree: GENJFIV

Genji Shimada: chill I'm reading like this interview they did with this dude

Genji Shimada: NS JNDJC THEY ASKED HIM HOW ITS LIKE TO BE A MODEL FOR TJIS AND HE SAID "THIS AINT MY FIRST RODEO"

Genji Shimada: I want a picture of him mdkfkfi I wanna see how he looks like lol

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: ...alright.

Genji Shimada: ok.

Jesse McCree: what

Genji Shimada: Jsss this is illegal

Genji Shimada: Jesse what the fuck

Genji Shimada: Jesse.

Jesse McCree: ???????

Lena Oxton: the plot thickens

Genji Shimada: it shouldn't be legal to have actual hot guys on a magazine with such a dumb title

Jesse McCree: MeiccriviirogKEICJJCIFKRIIF

Genji Shimada: WHAT THE FUCK THIS ISNT ALLOWED TO BE ACTUALLY HOT

Lena Oxton: :O

Genji Shimada: do I have a fuckidnux cowboy kink this is ridiculous

Genji Shimada: I hate this

Lena Oxton: Genji each of these pictures make your card to make fun of us more and more invalid

Genji Shimada: I KNOW

Genji Shimada: LETS JUST IGNORE ALL THAT .THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Genji Shimada: who wants to go first

Jesse McCree: I will! <|:)

Jesse McCree: somehow

Jesse McCree: I got Lena again

Lena Oxton: OMG

Genji Shimada: what did you get for her

Jesse McCree: a pair of crocs

Jesse McCree: this time I'm not joking they're just plain old crocs because I was in a rush

Lena Oxton: YES I LOVE CROCS

Jesse McCree: ....oh

Genji Shimada: just this statement alone is enough for me to gain my card to make fun of you again Lena

Lena Oxton: >:(

Lena Oxton: well!surprise surprise I got you!!

Genji Shimada: oh?

Lena Oxton: I got you a sonic bandanna

Genji Shimada: why am I not surprised

Jesse McCree: I want a sonic bandanna :(

Genji Shimada: he's so sad he removed his hat

Jesse McCree: * <|:(

Genji Shimada: woah **rude**

Genji Shimada: ok so Jesse I got you

Genji Shimada: but since you forgot to tell me I had to improvise

Genji Shimada: so uh before I say it quick question why do you have so many bamf belts

Jesse McCree: never know when you gonna need em!

Genji Shimada: well I hope you weren't a fan of your silver one cause

Genji Shimada: I made a small alteration

Jesse McCree: wym

Genji Shimada: you are not a BAMF anymore

Jesse McCree: oh no

Genji Shimada: now you are

Genji Shimada:

Lena Oxton: *drum roll*

Genji Shimada: thanks Lena

Genji Shimada: now you are...

Genji Shimada: a...

Genji Shimada: .... **GAMF**

Jesse McCree:

Lena Oxton:

Jesse McCree: uh

Jesse McCree: uh...?

Lena Oxton: a good ass mother fucker?

Jesse McCree: great ass mother fucker???

Lena Oxton: Genji ass mother fucker?????

Jesse McCree: Genji I don't get it

Genji Shimada: ......

Genji Shimada: you two suck

Genji Shimada: it means Gay Ass Mother Fucker you losers

Jesse McCree: OOOOOOOOHHHHH

Lena Oxton: makes sense

Lena Oxton: I want a GAMF belt too

Jesse McCree: HAH

Jesse McCree: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS TERMINOLOGY ONE SECOND AGO BUT I KNOW IM THE BIGGEST GAMF THAT HAS EVER LIVED

Genji Shimada: lol

Genji Shimada: also I hope Torbjörn doesn't mind me stealing one of his heat things

Genji Shimada: and breaking it too

Genji Shimada: because apparently Jesse Cowboy over here refuses to wear a non metal belt buckle

Jesse McCree: <|:)

Genji Shimada: I can't handle this I hate this emoticon so MUCH

Lena Oxton: didn't you use it a second ago????

Genji Shimada: IT WAS AN ACCDIENEBGIJDJCUFJ

Genji Shimada: **IT!WAS! AN !ACCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Genji Shimada: Jesse just come pick your stupid gift I want to go back to my room

Genji Shimada: by the way.im stealing one your magazines for research purposes

Jesse McCree: I can't

Genji Shimada: wym

Lena Oxton: ?

Jesse McCree: the view outside is really pretty

Genji Shimada: Jesse are you drunk

Genji Shimada: it's snowing and the Sky is grey

Genji Shimada: all the trees have no leafs the grass is dead and it's cold what the fuck are you saying

Jesse McCree: can't a man just enjoy a little time inside one of Overwatch's gardens slash balconies?

Genji Shimada: sunshine I have lived in a home with ~ _gardens slash balconies_ ~ before

Genji Shimada: what we have here is literally a small open room with some dead trees and grass

Jesse McCree: s enough for me <|:)

Genji Shimada: not to mention the door

Lena Oxton: what about it?I rarely go to this part of the base :/

Genji Shimada: it's so old you have to manually open it

Genji Shimada: I almost got stuck there once but then I climbed the roof and

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: Jesse are you stuck outside

Jesse McCree: what?

Jesse McCree: no

Jesse McCree: listen

Jesse McCree: just because

Genji Shimada: he's stuck outside Lena

Jesse McCree: NO

Jesse McCree: just because the handle broke doesn't mean I'm _stuck_

Lena Oxton: "just because the only way out isn't available doesn't mean I'm stuck" ??? jesse

Jesse McCree: alrigHT **MAYBE** I AM STUCK OUTSIDE SO WHAT

Genji Shimada: JEJICJDICKRICIIF

Jesse McCree: YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT CARE ANYMORE

Jesse McCree: UTS FKCING COLD I AM COVERED IN SNOW I AM **HUNGRY** AND I WANT TO GET MY SWEATER BUT THE FKCKNG HANDLE BROKE!!!!!!!!!

Genji Shimada: NEJXJJEIJFIJV

Jesse McCree: EVERYONES IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME BUT THE GLASS IS SOUND PROOF AND THEY CANT HEAR ME

Jesse McCree: IM SCREAMING AND THEYRE ALL JUST LAUGHING AND WEARING WARM SWEATERS AND MAKING FUN OF JACK AND IM JUST HERE LIKE A DUMBASS

Genji Shimada: a _DAMF_

Jesse McCree: **GENJI**

Genji Shimada: have you thought about messaging them

Lena Oxton: yea?

Jesse McCree: yes

Jesse McCree: but i dont wanna expose myself

Jesse McCree: cause theyre going to laugh at me

Genji Shimada: do you want me to open the door for you

Jesse McCree: k

Jesse McCree: thank you Genji

Lena Oxton: I'll go there too I wanna show everyone my shoes

\--

_Gabriel Reyes has reconnected_

_Jack Morrison has reconnected_

_Ana Amari has reconnected_

_Overwatch's secret friend has participants online again_

Jesse McCree: hey um Genji was it really necessary to use your magic dragon thing to open the door

Genji Shimada: yes

Jack Morrison: why did you do that

Genji Shimada: **how else would I open the door**

Gabriel Reyes: using the handle...?

Ana Amari: Hey Genji Torb is going to murder you

Genji Shimada: why

Ana Amari: cause he will have to fix that

Genji Shimada: tell him I accidentally broke of one his tools too please

Ana Amari: Genji

Lena Oxton: THAT WAS SO FUNNY JESSE WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE SAW GENJI BUT THEN GENJI READIED HIS SWORD

Lena Oxton: THE LOOK OF PURE HORROR ON JESSES FACE

Jesse McCree: Yea I thought I was going to die

Jesse McCree: listen I love snakes but that was too much

Genji Shimada: Jesse that wasn't a fuckibg snake it's a dragon

Lena Oxton: it's more like a dinosaur

Jack Morrison: so it's a reptilian?

Gabriel Reyes: aren't dinosaurs closer to birds then reptiles

Ana Amari: since when

Gabriel Reyes: this has been proved a long time ago Ana

Ana Amari: I refuse to accept that

Genji Shimada: ITS NOT A BIRD NOR A SNAKE NOR A DINOSAUR

Genji Shimada: it's a dragon

Genji Shimada: respect them.they have feelings too

Jesse McCree: I have feelings too and yours scared the shit outta me

Genji Shimada: yea sorry about that

Genji Shimada: I thought it would be cool

Jesse McCree: you destroyed the door and the entire garden slash balcony

Genji Shimada: I apologize for that

Ana Amari: well that garden was shit not like we needed it

Jesse McCree: ANA???

Ana Amari: what?im serious

Ana Amari: thanks Genji

Genji Shimada: :)

Ana Amari: but you scared my son Jesse.

Ana Amari: so Genji,fuck you

Genji Shimada: I

Genji Shimada: this is the worst day of my life

Genji Shimada: first I embarrass myself on the group chat over having a breakdown over a plushie

Genji Shimada: and then I remember my pachimari shoes and loose my card

Genji Shimada: and _THEN_ i find out i have a fcking cowboy fetish

Genji Shimada: and **_THEN_ ** I get a fkcinbg sonic bandanna

Genji Shimada: and **_THEN_ ** I have to see Lenas ugly ass sneakers

Genji Shimada: and to end it Ana tells me to fuck off

Ana Amari: what

Jack Morrison: what about her sneakers?

Gabriel Reyes: JXNJDNbbbzbxuh$:! ,,7;jjeiejcjbjcjjnxjjjjxjjdi

Gabriel Reyes: J E S S E

Lena Oxton: you guys like my shoes? :)

Gabriel Reyes: im disbanding overwatch this organization as a mistake

Jack Morrison: theyre not even that bad…

Gabriel Reyes: “ **theyre not even that bad** ”

Gabriel Reyes: **i am _d o n e_**

Gabriel Reyes: hey ill tell the news were **over** alright

_Gabriel Reyes has disconnected_

Jesse McCree: **icant believe lena single handledly disbanded overwatch**

Lena Oxton: its the power of sonic&knuckles >:)

Genji Shimada: im going to follow gabe on this one overwatch is over for me

Genji Shimada: why cant we all be NORMAL

Ana Amari: welcome to overwatch lol

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well i hope yall liked this chapter :)  
> My tumblr is sombraslesbian /  
> also genji refers to the tool he broke as heat thing because i have NO idea of what its called and google wont help and honeslty...it wont change much so


	3. The Good old days (but like,the older days)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how overwatch managed to ruin five chat groups,the behind the scenes of their halloween party,the origins of the hat emoji and overwatchs own crypt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for starters thank yall SO MUCH for...well everything!!!thank you so much for all the kudos,the bookmarks and the comments they mean a LOT!!!It makes my day <3  
> Well also apologies for the delay haha!I had some personal problems these holidays and i didnt have time to write + i wasnt inspired??and then like yesterday at 1 am (literally) i got so many ideas and i managed to finish it!!!  
> So now about the actual fic!This chapter is set BEFORE lena,genji and winston became part of ovw.Im...not sure if my timeline is correct but honestly even blizzard knows overwatchs timeline is pratically non existent so i dont care either  
> There is some major Soldier 76 hate here (as always) but there are no ships.  
> Well im not going to keep you guys waiting any more and ill try to post the fourth chapter asap!!!!

  


_All participants of Overwatch's official Halloween party group chat with a huge ass name so Jack shuts up are now online_

  


Ana Amari: Where is everyone rn  

Jesse McCree: AM HERE

Jesse McCree: GOT MY VAN HELSING COSTUME ON

Angela Ziegler: How much did that even cost

Jesse McCree: HORROR STORIES READY

Jesse McCree: and I'm HUNGRY

Jesse McCree: where's the goods

Ana Amari: I'm the one taking it

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Ana!Have you seen Gabriel?

Reinhardt Wilhelm: He hasn't shown up yet :(

Torbjörn Lindholm: He is probably off to his costume

Jesse McCree: oh he's gonna take an **year** to come dad always makes the best costumes!!!

Jesse McCree: which sucks now because it always make MY costume look boring even though I spent like **all** my money on it!!!  >:(

Angela Ziegler: I haven't seen him around.

Angela Ziegler: Also to everyone, _please_ don't overdo your sugar consumption.

Angela Ziegler: Please.

Jesse McCree: lol

Ana Amari: lol

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I already drank an entire bowl of punch :/

Angela Ziegler: why

Angela Ziegler: I don't deserve this

Jack Morrison: Hey everyone I'm almost done!

Jack Morrison: My costume is ready to go!

Ana Amari: please don't tell me

Jack Morrison: I'm going to stop you right there!

Jack Morrison: Because I know what all of you are going to say.

Torbjörn Lindholm: that your costume sucks

Jack Morrison: "Jack,your costume is horrible!"

"Jack,please shave your chest."

"Jack,go back to wearing your corn costume!"

"Jack this is extremely inappropriate!"

"Jack I am going to disband overwatch"

"Jack,stop trying to eat with your helmet on!"

"JACK YOUR BOOTS"

Ana Amari: NEIJDGIEIFIIC BIG TIME I REMEMBER THAT CORN

Jesse McCree: miss that costume

Ana Amari: Also did you take notes of _every single little insult_ we said cause holy _shit_ dude

Angela Ziegler: Ana I know you're not genuinely asking if he took notes but

Angela Ziegler: He **did**.Last Halloween he did

Ana Amari: I  l I t e ra LY ca nnot

Jack Morrison: ANYWAYS.

Jack Morridon: Well here's a surprise!Im not wearing my usual costume!

Ana Amari: thank you

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :0

Angela Ziegler: Good

Torbjörn Lindholm: who am I gonna make fun of now

Jesse McCree: YES

Jack Morrison: Because this year,I'm not wearing my helmet!

Jack Morrison: _And_ it has a different color pallete!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: yep still you

Ana Amari: ARGHHHHHH

Jesse McCree: IT DOESNT RJIDUF CHANGE OT

Angela Ziegler: Jack...

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :/

Jack Morrison: Also my shirts not as open!!!!!And I don't need to """""shave my chest forest """""""" Jesse!!!!!!!

Jesse McCree: :/

Ana Amari: Jack as your friend

Ana Amari: please shave your chest

Ana Amari: while I'm at it shave your beard

Jack Morrison: never.

Torbjörn Lindholm: you call that a beard?!Ha!

Torbjörn Lindholm: you don't have a beard,mister babyface!

Torbjörn Lindholm: Step up to _my_ level of facial hair and we can talk.

Jesse McCree: idjvuruejivjd

Ana Amari: step up to my level of facial hair and we can talk

Ana Amari: **step up to my level of facial hair and we can talk**

Ana Amari: **štëp üp tø mÿ łëvëł õf fäčįåł hæïr æńd wê çåń tæłk**

Jesse McCree: ana but everytime she says step up to my level of facial hair and we can talk it gets faster

Ana Amari: you know this is why we don't have many soldiers working for us cuz no one here knows how to act like a normal human being

Ana Amari: like have yall ever heard of you know.acting normal.for once

Jesse McCree: what if one of us were an omnic

Torbjörn Lindholm: Nonsense!I will NEVER work with one of those scrap metals!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Come on,Torb!You don't know about the future!

Jesse McCree: hey not to interrupt but where's the sweet

Jesse McCree: the glucose

Jesse McCree: I want sugar please and thank you? >:(

Ana Amari: I'll be right w y'all in a second

Jesse McCree: Is Fareeha coming?? :D

Ana Amari: No

Jesse McCree: D:

Angela Ziegler: Jesse,it's two in the morning.

Jesse McCree: Yeah but

Ana Amari: she must sleep.

Ana Amari: but I promise I'll tell her one of your scary stories tomorrow.

Jesse McCree: thank you kindly <| :)

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari:  um _dafuq_

Angela Ziegler: what's _that_

Jack Morrison: hey **IM** the one with the personalized emoticons don't steal my brand!

Torbjörn Lindholm: what the Djsjducy is that

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I think it's a hat!!

Jesse McCree: I'm lifting my hat y'all

Torbjörn Lindholm: please literally never add a hat to any of your emoticons ever again or I swear I'll plant a turret by your door

Jack Morrison: Agreed.

Angela Ziegler: ....I'm sorry,Jesse,but I have to second that.

Ana Amari: can y'all leave him alone

Ana Amari: Yknow what Jesse I officially declare your hat wearing emoticon as cool

Jesse McCree: OMG

Torbjörn Lindholm: Ana no

Ana Amari: šhüt ūp tïñÿ mäñ

Ana Amari: </ >:) this is me wearing my cowboy hat and frowning because I'm a badass mother fucker like Jesse

Jesse McCree: <|:DDDD

Jesse McCree: this is me being rly happy

Jack Morrison: it looks like you're just smiling and holding a lot of baskets in an unpractical way!!

Jesse McCree: <|:~) this is me but you

Jack Morrison: HDYEUH

Jack Morrison: STOP!!!! STEALING!!!!!!!! MY BRAND!!!!!

Jack Morrison: I AM GOING TO COPYRIGHT PERSONALIZED EMOTICONS RIGHT AFTER THIS PARTY IS OVER!!

Jesse McCree: <I:) p this is me holding a purse with a contract that says that you cant copyright emoticons

Jack Morrison: I CAN AND I WILL!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: <|:D T this is me smiling with my hammer!!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: < : 0 this is me shocked that you have such bad taste in emojis rein

Jesse McCree: <|:D <3 this is me thanking you two for being so kind

Jack Morrison: uh,

Torbjörn Lindholm: XD this is me laughing at all of you

Ana Amari: <|:T this is me realizing you use XD unironically

Angela Ziegler: Are we literally fighting using emoticons right now...?

Jesse McCree: <|:) could be worse!

Jack Morrison: How could _this_ possibly be in any way worse?!

Torbjörn Lindholm: we could be looking at your costume rn for example

Ana Amari: jhgsubdr

Jesse McCree: <|:O this is me shocked about the backstabbing that just took place

Jack Morrison: IOTBJRONR I THOUGJT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE?!

Torbjörn Lindholm: I have no sides Jack

Torbjörn Lindholm: my only side is to where the drama flows

Ana Amari: congratulations you managed to sound more emo than Gabi

Ana Amari: speaking of which where the hell is he

Ana Amari: how many hours does this man need to put on his make up

Jesse McCree: make up is important tho <|:/

Ana Amari: I know but...god

Ana Amari: hey just a warning that bye the away I'm taking the camera

Jack Morrison: Isn't it 'by the way'?

Ana Amari: I did it on purpose :))))))

Jack Morrison: oh.

Jack Morrison: also why?

Ana Amari: To eat it with a fucking fork Jack Morrison

Ana Amari: I'm going to take pics why the fuck else would I bring it

Ana Amari: I want the exposé

Jesse McCree: there won't be much drama tho cept for my stories

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Hah!Well tonight I too have some propositions >:)

Jesse McCree: hey that's my job

Jack Morrison: ha!

Jack Morrison: How does it feel to have your brand stolen?!

Ana Amari: chi l l omg

Jack Morrison: also now I'm curious!

Jack Morrison: and I'm here!

Jesse McCree: so much for "wearing a different costume" :/

Jack Morrison: Hey!

Ana Amari: Jesse Wheres your hat

Jesse McCree: wym

Jesse McCree: right here on my head

Ana Amari: no I mean the emoticon

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: ???im not

Jesse McCree: I don't want y'all to make fun of me lol

Ana Amari: We won't Jess

Ana Amari: I mean we will but

Ana Amari: Use it

Ana Amari: <|>:)

Jesse McCree: <| :) will do

Jack Morrison: Maybe I should've stayed as a vigilante

Torbjörn Lindholm: Maybe I should've just become a human lobster like my father told me

Ana Amari: Shut the fuck you two

Ana Amari: Alright I'm here time to take some pics!!!!

Ana Amari: y'all get the fuck out of your phones it's drama time

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: also what the fuck is a human lobster

Ana Amari: actually i dont want to know

 

\--

 

Gabriel Reyes: :/

Gabriel Reyes: Angela ?

Angela Ziegler: : )

Angela Ziegler: y e s ?

Gabriel Reyes: I apologize I didn't mean to scare Reinhardt like that it wasnt my intention

Ana Amari: Gabriel you came in wearing a fkcing pumpkin costume screaming and behind us without any warning what the fuck was your intention

Gabriel Reyes: Alright _maybe_ I overdid it

Jesse McCree: Dad your costumes are always better than mine s not fair <|>:(

Gabriel Reyes: You could just ask!I would love to help y

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: the

Ana Amari: it's a hat

Jesse McCree: <|:)

Gabriel Reyes: ah

Gabriel Reyes: .alright

Gabriel Reyes: uh

Gabriel Reyes: Uh Angela is Reinhardt...?

Angela Ziegler: he's not awake.

Angela Ziegler: He will be  fine,though.

Angela Ziegler: Don't do this again

Torbjörn Lindholm: Well just a warning I'm not fixing this table! >:(

Jesse McCree: daw I wanted to drink more punch...

Gabriel Reyes: I am sorry everyone

Gabriel Reyes: I did not intend to cause so much chaos

Ana Amari: One of these days you're going to kill a man

Gabriel Reyes:

Gabriel Reyes: Ana we...are....soldiers??

Gabriel Reyes: I...I have killed a man before??

Ana Amari: ITS A _SAYING_ GABI

Ana Amari: Well I'm not cleaning this up so who's gonna start moping

Gabriel Reyes: I will.Im the one who caused it,so it's fair

Ana Amari: Shame you missed Reins story tho :/

Angela Ziegler: When he wakes up he might want to tell you.

Gabriel Reyes: :) Good!

Jesse McCree: Well I'm going to sleep y'all

Gabriel Reyes: Aren't you going to help your poor father to clean this up? :(

Jesse McCree: hmmm

Gabriel Reyes: <|:(

Jesse McCree: will do <|:)

Torbjörn Lindholm: This is pandering

Torbjörn Lindholm: I'm going to sleep I do not want to hear a single more cowboy joke

Jack Morrison: I'm right behind you on this one Torb!!

Jack Morrison: goodbye. 

 

\--

 

_Private Chat between @Jesse McCree and @Reinhardt Wilhelm_

 

Jesse McCree: So Rein how r u

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I am fine!Angela will let me free tomorrow,haha!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: It is a little boring here,but it is all for the best!!

Jesse McCree: I can keep you entertained <|:)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: haha!thank you!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: but how,my friend?

Jesse McCree: hm

Jesse McCree: !!!!!

Jesse McCree: Rein where's your hasselholf cd

Reinhardt Wilhelm: aaaAAAAAA

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Jesse you're so kind!!!!!!!

Jesse McCree: <|:) just helping a friend

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Thank you!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: It's on top of one of my bookshelfs in my room

Jesse McCree: Well get ready for some fun cause I'll be getting it for ya >:)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Don't forget your hat!

Jesse McCree: shit your right

Jesse McCree: <| >:)

Jesse McCree: Alright am here

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Just be careful so you don't get hurt!!its really high and I can reach it but I'm not sure you can

Jesse McCree: pffshh don't worry rein

\--

 

_There are participants online on Overwatch's official Halloween party group chat with a huge ass name so Jack shuts up again_

  


Jesse McCree: ow my arm

Jack Morrison: ?

Jack Morrison: What happened?

Jesse McCree: I think I broke my arm lol

Ana Amari: WHAT

Ana Amari: WHERE ARE YOU

Ana Amari: WHO DID THAT TO YOU

Ana Amari: I AM GOING TO MURDER A MAN

Jesse McCree: I said _I think_ I'm not sure Ana

Gabriel Reyes: JESSE

Torbjörn Lindholm: _which_ arm?

Gabriel Reyes: ARE YOU ALRIGHT

Gabriel Reyes: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Gabriel Reyes: MIJO WHERE ARE YOU WHO DOD THIS TO YOU ANSWER ME

Jesse McCree: yall dONT WORRY I SAID I THINK IT JUST HURTS JFC

Gabriel Reyes: WHERE ARE YOU

Jesse McCree: it's my flesh arm

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Jesse oh no!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I told you to be careful my friend!!!!

Ana Amari: WH AT THE FUCK HAPPENED

Jesse McCree: This fcking huge ass box fell on my arm but im ok

Ana Amari: WHERE ARE YOU

Jesse McCree: reins room calm down yall

Jesse McCree: im ok im not dead

Jesse McCree: just

Angela Ziegler: why is everyone so insistent on going to the medbay everytime i get some off time

Angela Ziegler: god i hate this its like the third ttime i have to aid someone on gthe past two days

Jack Morrison: wait besides Jesse and Rein who else

Angela Ziegler: you

Angela Ziegler: because you drank too much punch yesterday and passed out

Angela Ziegler: THIS HAPPENED THIS MORNING IN FACT

Angela Ziegler: god i wish i was dead  

 

\--

 

Ana Amari: Hey has anyone seen Fareeha?

Ana Amari: Or Gabriel?

Ana Amari: I've messaged them but they won't answer

Jack Morrison: I just saw Gabe finish his breakfast like...ten minutes ago!

Torbjörn Lindholm: Haven't seen the others but I saw Gabriel too he was going to the medbay

Angela Ziegler: Yes,he took a plate of pancakes to the medbay.

Angela Ziegler: They're all covered in syrup.Jesses never going to be healthy at this pace

Ana Amari: OOO I'm going to take some pancakes for him too

Ana Amari: see y'all

Angela Ziegler: Could you please at least take some fruits too?

Ana Amari: No

Ana Amari: all I will take to Jesse is motherly love and sickly sweet pancakes

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Daww

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I feel kind of guilty for this whole situation though :(

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Because it was kind of my fault.

Ana Amari: nah dw big guy

Ana Amari: you're cool

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :)

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Oh wait

Reinhardt Wilhelm: <|:) !

Jack Morrison: I literally want to die

Angela Ziegler: I said it first.

Angela Ziegler: dont steal my brand.

Jack Morrison: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

 

\--

 

Angela Ziegler: Pardon my language but

Angela Ziegler: What the fuck just happened

Ana Amari: JSJDKDJFKKFJFJFJ

Ana Amari: THSIDU WAS THE FUCNNIEST THINGS IVE EVER SNENENENDJDUFCUJF

Jack Morrison: **FUCK YOU**

Jack Morrison: THIS WASNT FUNNY I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK

Angela Ziegler: ??????

Angela Ziegler: What happened?????

Ana Amari: I almost _murdered_ the corn boy

Jesse McCree: JDJDIIFJEKWOOSJ

Torbjörn Lindholm: I heard Jack scream from across the base

Torbjörn Lindholm: What the _fuck_ happened I want to know too

Gabriel Reyes: Well.

Angela Ziegler: well????

Gabriel Reyes: Me and Fareeha were just cheering Jesse up!!

Angela Ziegler: how

Angela Ziegler:

Angela Ziegler: please don't tell me you three were.

Gabriel Reyes: :/

Reinhardt Wilhelm: What happened???

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse has a bunch of fake western guns for...some reason

Gabriel Reyes: He also has a huge collection of hats and Spurs

Torbjörn Lindholm: Why

Jesse McCree: WHY NOT

Gabriel Reyes: Well the guns have these...darts?Theyre like paintball darts but they don't hurt as much

Gabriel Reyes: They do have paint inside them

Angela Ziegler: **LISTEN TO ME MY MEDBAY BETTER BE CRYSTAL CLEAR WHEN I GET THERE**

Angela Ziegler: **REMEMBER LAST TIME**

Angela Ziegler: **ALL THE LAST TIMES IN FACT**

Angela Ziegler: **IF ALL OF YOU EVER WONDER WHY THE MEDBAY WALLS HAVE A GIANT BLUE SPOTS AND THE CEILLING ALSO HAS SOME TOO WELL!!!!!!**

Jack Morrison: Yeah I noticed the paint!!!!!

Jack Morrison: I really did!!!!!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: OH FUCKFYHD

Torbjörn Lindholm: I want details did Jack get shot??????

Gabriel Reyes: Well

Gabriel Reyes: Me my son and Fareeha like to play Cowboys with those

Gabriel Reyes: we dress up in full gear and our objective is to fire six shots on our oponent

Gabriel Reyes: It is...Surprisingly fun?

Gabriel Reyes: but I always lose anyways

Jesse McCree: cuz IM the sharpshooter <|>:)

Torbjörn Linholm: this emoticon _almost_ makes me give up on this story

Torbjörn Lindholm: however I want to know how fucked Jack got

Torbjörn Lindholm: tell the rest

Ana Amari: Well _I_ should tell it since

Ana Amari: lol

Ana Amari: Anyways I found out about this game of theirs a while ago and bought myself a fake sniper rifle

Ana Amari: money well spent in fact its really good

Ana Amari: today I came in w it and the three loved it

Gabriel Reyes: I didn't

Gabriel Reyes: I told you to be careful

Ana Amari: you started to laugh and told me to find a vantage point Gabe

Gabriel Reyes: UH NO ACTUALLY

Angela Ziegler: why

Ana Amari: So I climbed up one of the shelves by the door but then fucking Jack John James Morrison

came in

Ana Amari: in my defense I was aiming at Jesse but he got in my way and I wanted to get a good shot so I kinda

Jack Morrison: you KINDA SHOT ME WITH A BULLET FULL OF PAINT

Jack Morrison: ON MY FOREHEAD SOMEHOW EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE BY MY SIDE

Jack Morrison: MY HAIR IS LITERALLY ALL BLUE RIGHT NOW

Jack Morrison: JESSE LITERALLY CRIED BECAUSE OF LAUGHTER AND I THOUGHT GABE WOULD PASS OUT FROM TRYING NOT TO LAUGH TOO

Jack Morrison: ANA WAS JUST STRAIGHT UP DYING ON TOP OF THE SHELF AND FKCIDNG **FAREEHA** WAS THE ONE WHO HELPED ME TO GET UP BACK ON MY FEET AGAIN

Jack Morrison: HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO GET THIS BLUE BULLSHIT OUT OF MY HAIR?!

Jack Morrison: I LOOK LIKE WHEN JESSE TRIED TO DYE HIS HAIR

Jesse McCree: hey wall agreed not to mention the hair incident ok

Ana Amari: dudes so enraged he forgot the punctuation

Ana Amari: also

Ana Amari: wall

Jesse McCree: yea its we and y'all

Ana Amari: Jesse don't actually

Torbjörn Lindholm: ANA DID YOU TAKE PICTURES OF IT

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: not yet

Jack Morrison: WH AT

Jack Morrison: YOU WILL NOT DO SUCH THING!!!!!

Jack Morrison: ANGELA SAVE ME!!!!!

Angela Ziegler: No

Angela Ziegler: go rot

Jack Morrison: HEHUSHEJDDUDUCNE

OCJUDJEODKFI!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Jack Morrison: GET AWAY FROM ME ANA

Jesse McCree: if you weren't live typing your escape from her maybe you would go faster

Angela Ziegler: I'm not sure if live typing is a thing

Torbjörn Lindholm: I don't understand a single word on that sentence

Jack Morrison: you're...

Jack Morrison: Actually right?

Jack Morrison: why am I typing my reactions???

Jesse McCree: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jesse McCree: wait can I

Jesse McCree: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯|>

Ana Amari: I

Jesse McCree: katchow

Gabriel Reyes: what

Jesse McCree: I'm being funny

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Is the emoticon holding its hat?

Jesse McCree: yep

Ana Amari: Jesse I'm going to interrupt you rn

Ana Amari: CAUSE I GOT THE FKCING PIC!!!

Jack Morrison: this is a nightmare.......

Ana Amari: Well for you at least

Ana Amari: not for me tho I'm having the time of my life

Jesse McCree: How did you get it???

Ana Amari: I shot him again and he freaked out

Ana Amari: for long enough so I got the pic

Gabriel Reyes: Ana is the picture even visible

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: details

Torbjörn Lindholm: Ana I want a picture that I can actually see him!!!!!!come on!!!!!!

Ana Amari: Hold on

Ana Amari: Jack stop running for a second I want to see if I

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: welp

Torbjörn Lindholm: What is that supposed to mean

Ana Amari: so Trobjon tell me

Torbjörn Lindholm: It's Torbjörn.

Ana Amari: How many times do I have to butcher your name for you to get the clue that I won't call you by your actual name like ever

Ana Amari: anyways so it's blurry like hell

Ana Amari: so I hope you like this fucking crypt sighting because that's what I got

Jesse McCree: JUEXIIDKDIFIF

Jack Morrison: I'm not a crypt!!!

Jesse McCree: who said that

Jack Morrison: IM NOT A CRYPT!!!!!!

Angela Ziegler: once I saw Jack awake at one am on the kitchen drinking milk directly from the carton

Angela Ziegler: when I got closer he freaked out and ran away.

Angela Ziegler: pretty cryptic if you ask me

Jack Morrison: this isn't cryptic behavior it's PERFEVTLY NORMAL TO DRINK MILK FROM THE CARTON!!!!!

Jesse McCree: at night?

Jack Morrison: that's just a small detail!!!

Ana Amari: Jack as a crypt makes so much more sense honestly

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I remember all the encounters I had with him when I was going to the bathroom mid night!!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: it's like he's always awake!!!!

Jack Morrison: not you too.....,,,,

Gabriel Reyes: so Jack is a crypt?

Jack Morrison: **NOT YOU TOO!!!!!**

Torbjörn Lindholm: he fits the criteria perfectly

Torbjörn Lindholm: that's why there are no pictures of him where he looks good because he's not supposed to have pictures taken of him in the first place

Jesse McCree: <|:O

Torbjörn Lindholm: Jesse I am _this_ close to labeling you a crypt too solely because of your hat wearing emoticon

Jesse McCree: hmm rude?

Angela Ziegler: So

Angela Ziegler: Jack is then officially a crypt?

Jack Morrison: I'm going back to Indiana

Ana Amari: THE INDIANA CRYPT

Jesse McCree: THE INDIANA CORNBOY

Jack Morrison: **AAAAAAAAAAAA**

Jack Morrison: I hate overwatch

Ana Amari: the cornboy has spoken everyone

Ana Amari: hear his words

Jack Morrison: I am going to my room

Jesse McCree: the crypt hides himself

Torbjörn Lindholm: reblog if you believe

Gabriel Reyes: we can't reblog the messages we send here Torbjörn

Torbjörn Lindholm: irrelevant.

completely and utterly **irrelevant**

Ana Amari: where do you think you're going blue corn

Ana Amari: I still haven't taken a good pic of you

Jack Morrison: Well!

Jack Morrison: I'm a crypt,correct?

Jack Morrison: crypts don't appear in clear pictures!!!

Jesse McCree: oh shi

Torbjörn Lindholm: he's smarter than what we give him credit for

Ana Amari: damn

Ana Amari: and he's right

Jack Morrison: >:~)

Jack Morrison: perhaps being a crypt isn't so bad after all!

Ana Amari: hey just changing subjects real quick but imagine if our enemies got hold of our group chats somehow

Jesse McCree: jsjdjcj D

Ana Amari: *talon voice* "Alright.We spent practically years decoding Overwatch's codes and passwords and we finally gained access to their private chat rooms!"

Gabriel Reyes: is the entirety of Talon speaking

Gabriel Reyes: is Talon an entity now and not an organization like us

Jesse McCree: can't believe talon was the _real_ crypt all along

Ana Amari: **WOW**

Ana Amari: **EX-CU-ZI  MOI???**

Ana Amari: I MEANT TALON _WORKER_ VOICE IS THAT BETTER

Gabriel Reyes: yes :)

Gabriel Reyes: * <|:)

Jesse McCree: <|:D

Ana Amari: this is exactly what I'm talking about

Ana Amari: *talon **WORKER** voice* "Alright I am in!!We can finally know what secrets overwatch has been keeping from us!!"

Angela Ziegler: lol

Ana Amari: and then after reading us having a fucking discussion using only emoticons and classifying one of our commanders as a goddamn crypt because he drinks milk directly from the carton like a freak

Ana Amari: Talon announces that they are disbanding publicly and everyone there gives up.we win

Torbjörn Lindholm: good ending

Reinhardt Wilhelm: isn't that our objective?

Jesse McCree: yea

Angela Ziegler: that's not bad actually???

Gabriel Reyes: Alright

Gabriel Reyes: Everyone im going to announce all our passwords tomorrow

Gabriel Reyes: an unconventional but easy way to end the war

Jesse McCree: I cannot tell if your being serious rn dad and it's terrifying

Ana Amari: you know what sure

Ana Amari: my accounts password is dickfuck69

Gabriel Reyes: Alright

Torbjörn Lindholm: are we really doing this

Gabriel Reyes: Yes.

Gabriel Reyes: Mines Jesse's birthday.

Jesse McCree: I love my dad

Jesse McCree: mines badassmotherfucker01

Torbjörn Lindholm: how did Talon not find out yet about our passwords

Torbjörn Lindholm: they are EXACTLY what I expected them to be

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Mines bighammer16 !!

Torbjörn Lindholm:

Torbjörn Lindholm: we cannot be doing this

Angela Ziegler: mines medicine101

Jack Morrison: overwatch123 !!

Torbjörn Lindholm: this is something

Torbjörn Lindholm: mines moltencore420

Ana Amari: haha it's the weed number

Torbjörn Lindholm: I'm sorry but what's yours again?

Ana Amari: dickfuck69

Torbjörn Lindholm: haha it's the sex number i can do that too

Gabriel Reyes: Alright

Gabriel Reyes: so tomorrow I'm going to announce all of this

Torbjörn Lindholm: I wanna go home

Jack Morrison: :~)

Jack Morrison: This is a great idea!!

 

\--

 

Gabriel Reyes: JACK WHY DID YOU DO TJAT

Ana Amari: JACK YOU FUCKFUDNT DUMBASS

Jesse McCree: JACK WHYDJDCKIDIDUDUSJS

Angela Ziegler: give our families adresses while youre at it

Jack Morrison: what

Torbjörn Lindholm: I am just as lost

Torbjörn Lindholm: he did like we all agreed?

Torbjörn Lindholm: he told the news our passwords like Gabriel said he would

Gabriel Reyes: IT WAS A JOKE

Gabriel Reyes: IT WAS A JOKE!!!!!!!!

Gabriel Reyes: YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO LITWRALLY DO THAT

Jack Morrison: calm down all of you!

Jack Morrison: I

Jack Morrison: why is everyone mad if it's a joke?

Gabriel Reyes: BECAUSE I GAVE KY REAL PASSWORD

Angela Ziegler: I did too

Ana Amari: YEA ME TOO?????????

Jesse McCree: SAME HERE JACK

Jack Morrison: BUT WHY?!

Jesse McCree: IT WAS PART OF THE JOKE,JACK

Jack Morrison: WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!

Jack Morrison: besides!

Jack Morrison: Like Ana said all there is here is mindless blabber!

Ana Amari: and some mission discussion

Gabriel Reyes: some strategy discussion about upcoming missions at that!!!!!

Jack Morrison: it's barely here! >:~(

Torbjörn Lindholm: there's also so many drama here

Torbjörn Lindholm: and so many dirt about all of us

Jack Morrison: like what

Torbjörn Lindholm: like when you got your hand stuck in the toilet

Torbjörn Lindholm: or when you passed out in the middle of a gathering

Torbjörn Lindholm: or the milk

Angela Ziegler: things we discussed like literally yesterday

Jack Morrison:

Jack Morrison: delete this group

Ana Amari: dude doesn't care about people knowing all our plans

Ana Amari: but the second he realizes all his secrets are going to be exposed

Jack Morrison: DELETE THIS GROUP!!!!!

Ana Amari: see

Ana Amari: hes a true crypt

Gabriel Reyes: Well I am going to have to delete not only this group

Gabriel Reyes: but this whole app as well!!like it never existed

Gabriel Reyes: >:(

Jack Morrison: I'm not going to apologize!!

Gabriel Reyes: well I still have prints of a LOT of embarrassing stuff you said!!

Gabriel Reyes: So you better apologize right now!!

Jack Morrison:

Jack Morrison: fine I'm sorry for not getting a joke everyone but me knew about!!!

Jack Morrison: delete this now

Ana Amari: so wait

Ana Amari: does this mean it's the end of our group chat

Gabriel Reyes: unfortunately,yes.

Ana Amari: another one bites the dust

Angela Ziegler: this is like...our fourth one isn't it?

Ana Amari: fifth.

Jesse McCree: I wasn't here for the first three <|:(

Ana Amari: well the first one was archaic and it glitched so much we all gave up on using it

Ana Amari: the second one lasted more until Torbjörn accidentally added like ten people of his family (it was still public)

Gabriel Reyes: 'accidentally'

Torbjörn Lindholm: it WAS an accident!!

Gabriel Reyes: how do you accidentally add ten people on a password protected group

Gabriel Reyes: you had to type your password ten times and not once you thought

Gabriel Reyes: "hm I don't remember any other agents with Lindholm on their name?"

Torbjörn Lindholm: it was an accident and I won't apologize again!!

Ana Amari: Third one

Ana Amari: what happened lol

Angela Ziegler: I lost my phone and it had everything there so we had to delete it

Ana Amari: oh yea

Jesse McCree: what happened to the fourth one again??

Jesse McCree: I don't remember it lol

Ana Amari: you

Jesse McCree: what about me

Ana Amari: we were beta testing it and you thought it would be a brilliant idea to send in the longest videos you had on your phone because jokes

Ana Amari: you crashed it and it was stuck for a week trying to load your seven three hour country music nightcore/progressive or whatever remixes **plus** the TEN HOUR vaporwave video

Jesse McCree: still have those vids lol theyre all good songs

Ana Amari: I'm surprised at how much this one lasted?

Ana Amari: a little more than a year

Angela Ziegler: did it break the record

Ana Amari: yep

Angela Ziegler: !

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I'm going to miss this chat :(

Torbjörn Lindholm: we can always make another!

Torbjörn Lindholm: just need to be more careful next time.

Torbjörn Lindholm: **COUGH COUCGH JACK COUCGH COUGH**

Jack Morrison: don't vague me!

Jack Morrison: or name drop.whatever.

Jack Morrison: but...

Jack Morrison: I'm actually sad yet another one is going to be deleted. :(

Jesse McCree: minute of silence for _Overwatch's official Halloween party group chat with a huge ass name so Jack shuts up_

Ana Amari: I named it

Ana Amari: don't forget to credit me

Jack Morrison: minute of silence!!!!

Ana Amari: did you just tell me to shut up

Jesse McCree: can we please mourn our dead group without fighting

Ana Amari: alright

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: so anybody on this chat smoke weed

Jesse McCree: NEIXJIECIJCJF

Jack Morrison: that wasn't one minute!

Angela Ziegler: it was an exact ten second moment of silence

Jesse McCree: fits well with the whole aesthetic of this group lel

Gabriel Reyes: welp

Gabriel Reyes: maybe **one** day we're going to have a functioning chat

Ana Amari: doubt.png

Ana Amari: anyways

Ana Amari: good while it lasted

Jack Morrison: <:~(

Jesse McCree: <|:(

Jesse McCree: :( <|

Torbjörn Lindholm: well I'm not going to miss THAT

Gabriel Reyes: do I have to remind everyone here that Talon may be reading all of this right now?

Jack Morrison: DELTE THIS GROUP IMEDIATLEY

Gabriel Reyes: alright

Gabriel Reyes: goodbye everyone

Angela Ziegler: rest in peace _Overwatch's official Halloween party group chat with a huge ass name so Jack shuts up_.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: rip :(

 

\--

 

Talon Organization Operative #12764: what the fuck

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp so a little babbling here  
> FIRST OF ALL I FORGOT JESSE STILL HAD HIS ARM ON THE OLD DAYSEFHYUBD WELL NOT ANYMORE!!!!!IF BLIZZARD DOESNT FOLLOW THEIR OWN GAMES TIMELINE THEN I WONT EITHER!!!!!  
> This chapter is probably the last one set on the old ovw days OR the second last (is this how you say it??)  
> But i think ill try to make the next chapter to kind of set up the current days with mentions of like talon and widow and bla bla  
> well thats it!!thank you for reading and please let me know if i ever say something shitty?offensive on one of these so i can fix it!!  
> My tumblr is again @sombraslesbian so feel free to message me there!


	4. The one where the Bad Time happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events before the infamous incident that officially ended overwatch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: ok so its time to deal w the whole amelie thing and anas disapearence and genji leaving ow but ill keep a comedic tone to it!!beat that blizzrad  
> Me after finishing this: what the fkuc happened here  
> So.Sorry for AGAIN taking an YEAR to update but this one was admitedly hard to write.  
> This ch isnt rly comedic?Like it can be bc I SUCK at writing drama (like real drama) but uh.its serious or whatever  
> if you want you dont need to read it bc it doesnt rly change jack shit (ahaha) on the grand scheme of things if you read this chapter i mean we all know the lore.....  
> So this chapter will deal with everything that brought overwatch down,so uh,tw for death i guess?pretty much everyone fights here and i know some people feel uncomfy with that so ill just warn it so i dont end up upsetting someone :(  
> Ok so again some grandpa piss (jack) hate and maybe mercy hate?i mean its one bit shes barely here  
> and like u can squint and see some widowtracer but.not really.  
> sorry again for the delay and apologies if this is bad i just,,,,..,h

  
  


_ Ana Amari has reconnected _

_ Lena Oxton has reconnected _

_ There are people online on Stop changing the groups name again _

 

Ana Amari: hey has anyone seen Amélie 

Lena Oxton: I second that!!!where is she???

Lena Oxton: I haven't seen her in like two days!!

Lena Oxton: @Jack Morrison youre our commander shouldnt you do something about it???????

 

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected _

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected _

_ Gabriel Reyes has reconnected _

 

Jack Morrison: Try calling Gerárd.

Jesse McCree: I haven't seen Gérard around that much too 

Jesse McCree: it's like they both vanished but they didn't go to any missions as far as I know

Jesse McCree: dad did they 

Gabriel Reyes: no they...didn't 

Jesse McCree: Jack should you be the one witth this knowledge

Jack Morrison: get off my back.

Gabriel Reyes: Lets not fight

Gabriel Reyes: they didn't.I don't know why theyre not showing up around the base!

Gabriel Reyes: I mean Gerards pretty responsible and he missed some meetings 

Gabriel Reyes: Which is weird because h

Gabriel Reyes: Talon 

Jack Morrison: what 

Gabriel Reyes: @ _Winston_ please check all our cameras 

Jesse McCree: dad what's going on 

Jack Morrison: Winstons busy right now.

Gabriel Reyes: this is one of those times I hope I'm wrong 

Gabriel Reyes: what if...what if Talon got them?

Gabriel Reyes: Gérard is working agaisnt Talon

Gabriel Reyes: he told me they're trying to take him down

Gabriel Reyes: it all makes sense I 

Lena Oxton: what 

Gabriel Reyes: I...I have a bad feeling about this

Gabriel Reyes: I don't know why I just...Do.

Gabriel Reyes: Talon

Gabriel Reyes: Jack check up on Talon PLEASE check up on Talon 

Ana Amari: wym Gabi

Gabriel Reyes: please don't question me this is serious 

Ana Amari: what are you implying Gab

Gabriel Reyes: I 

Gabriel Reyes: I don't know

Ana Amari: They...

Ana Amari: Talon couldn't just break into our base.

Ana Amari: They're both fine,I'm sure of it.

Jack Morrison: how can we know?

Ana Amari: shut up James

Ana Amari: they are FINE

Ana Amari: NOTHING happened to them ok.

Ana Amari: they are completely FINE.

Ana Amari: right Gabriel??!!?

Gabriel Reyes: Ana I don't know!!

 

_ Amélie Lacroix has reconnected _

 

Amélie Lacroix: bonjour

Gabriel Reyes:

Lena Oxton: a

Amélie Lacroix: what's going on here

Ana Amari:

Ana Amari: see told y'all she was fine 

Genji Shimada: that was the opposite of what you said Ana 

Ana Amari: bleh

Gabriel Reyes: where .were you,

Jack Morrison: WHERE QERE YOU?!?????!!

Amélie Lacroix: chill I had food poisoning lol 

Amélie Lacroix: I was puking my guts out for four days did you people want me to show up for your reunions with a bucket or what.

Jesse McCree: hey Noah fence but we really didn't need that detail

Amélie Lacroix: Too bad.

Gabriel Reyes: Well are you feeling better now?

Amélie Lacroix: eh.

Amélie Lacroix: I could be better.

Amélie Lacroix: At least Gerárd is being supportive 

Amélie Lacroix: He is helping a lot

Amélie Lacroix: I'll go back to vomiting now.

Amélie Lacroix: au revoir.

 

_ Amélie Lacroix has disconnected  _

 

Lena Oxton: well alls good!!

Lena Oxton: :)

Lena Oxton: good ending couldn't be better ! !

Jesse McCree: well that was a close call 

Gabriel Reyes: well i am going to see if I can help Gérard.

Gabriel Reyes: I know how much food poisonings suck 

 

\--

 

_ Private chat between @Gabriel Reyes and @Gérard Lacroix _

 

Gabriel Reyes: hey Gérard!!

Gabriel Reyes: so is Amélie better?

Gabriel Reyes: I tried contacting you but you didn't reply 

Gabriel Reyes: I guess you were occupied? 

Gabriel Reyes: well anyways.

Gabriel Reyes: ...

-

Gabriel Reyes: Hey uh Gérard it's been five hours I sent you these messages and uh.

Gabriel Reyes: I...Are you okay?

Gabriel Reyes: you missed a meeting this evening.

Gabriel Reyes: I mean I know food poisonings suck 

Gabriel Reyes: But it was a very important meeting for the operation were doing right now

Gabriel Reyes: And youre playing a big part on it and...

Gabriel Reyes: What i mean basically is

Gabriel Reyes: we're...worried

Gabriel Reyes: please reply when you read this.

-

Gabriel Reyes: Alright Gérard it's been one day.

Gabriel Reyes: you haven't replied and I am still waiting.

Gabriel Reyes: That's it,I'm sorry Gérard but we have to check up on you

Gabriel Reyes: I am genuinely worried now!!

Gabriel Reyes: please reply.

 

\--

 

_ Gabriel Reyes has reconnected _

_ Ana Amari has reconnected _

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected _

_ There are people online on Stop changing the groups name again _

 

Jack Morrison: All agents,please report.

Jack Morrison: This is an emergency,and we need all the help we can have right now.Go to Gérards room.

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse do not go near Gerard's quarters.

Gabriel Reyes: Please do not go with Fareeha there 

Ana Amari: Jesse could you take care of my daughter for me.please.

 

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected _

_ Reinhardt Wilhelm has reconnected _

_ Torbjörn Lindholm has reconnected _

_ Lena Oxton has reconnected _

_ Angie has reconnected _

 

Jesse McCree: sure?

Jesse McCree: that's a lot what's going on lol 

Jesse McCree: where's everyone??

Jesse McCree: Lenas the only one here on the common room besides me and Fareeha 

Jesse McCree: what's going on

Gabriel Reyes: I'll explain to you later.

Jack Morrison: don't coddle them. 

Ana Amari: don't give your opinion where it wasn't asked :)

Ana Amari: Jesse please do as I asked

Gabriel Reyes: please just focus on not letting Fareeha end up where I told you.Lena i wouldnt recommend you going there too.

Jesse McCree: what is going on

Jesse McCree: I'm not a kid 

Jesse McCree: neither is Lena 

Jesse McCree: what is going on what's up with Gérard

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Jesse!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: why don't you help me tell Fareeha one of my knight stories? :)

Jesse McCree: Reinhardt I'd love to!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: great!!

Jesse McCree: but not now.

Jesse McCree: bc I want to know what's going on 

Jesse McCree: and I won't do shit until someone tells me and yall stop treating me like a toddler 

Gabriel Reyes: Jesse

Lena Oxton: lmao I'm here too.whats going on

Gabriel Reyes: we just don't want you two to 

Gabriel Reyes: have to see such a graphic scene

Gabriel Reyes: you're both young.im just 

Gabriel Reyes: ...

Gabriel Reyes: If you want to know,please ask someone else.

 

_ Gabriel Reyes has disconnected  _

 

Torbjörn Lindholm: Amélie wasnt...sick.That wasnt Amélie on the group yesterday.

Lena Oxton: Then

Lena Oxton: who

Torbjörn Lindholm: ...well.

Torbjörn Lindholm: I don't know an easy way to say this.

Angie: what is going on?

Torbjörn Lindholm: Angela,before I say anything 

Torbjörn Lindholm: this situation doesn't have a solution.

Angie: ?

Torbjörn Lindholm: by that I mean 

Jesse McCree: he probably means you can't play god this time Angela

Angie: ...this is just uncalled for.

Angie: you don't even know what happened.

Jesse McCree: yeah but I know you lmao

Jesse McCree: Torbjörn what the hell happened.

Torbjörn Lindholm: I

Jack Morrison: Gabriel was right 

Jesse McCree: what 

Jesse McCree: about what 

Jack Morrison: Talon.

Jack Morrison: they got Amélie.and Gérard...they shot him.

Jesse McCree: what

Lena Oxton: no 

Lena Oxton: no Nono No no no no 

Lena Oxton:  [ no.No.no ](http://no.no.no/) No No No 

Jack Morrison: We are trying to discover who couldve done this,but as Gabriel said it was most likely talon.

Jack Morrison: We have reasons to believe Amélie was not killed,but kidnapped.

Jack Morrison: ...were...were trying to understand why they would do such thing.

Lena Oxton: no 

Lena Oxton: they couldn

Jesse McCree: are...we...we cant leave him in his room like that 

Jack Morrison: we are going to investigate the scene first.we cant bury him just yet.

Jack Morrison: Im waiting for you three at his quarters.You have ten minutes.

 

_ Jack Morrison has disconnected _

 

Lena Oxton: …

Lena Oxton: at least Genji is free from this mess.

Lena Oxton: Im not going.

 

_ Lena Oxton has disconnected _

 

\--

 

_ Lena Oxton has reconnected  _

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected  _

_ There are people online on Jesse crying while Genji laughs asmr again _

 

Lena Oxton: i completely forgot this group existed 

Jesse McCree: yea because no one uses it anymore 

Lena Oxton: so Jesse how are you going 

Jesse McCree: how could I be going.look at whats happening rn

Lena Oxton: I know 

Lena Oxton: …

Jesse McCree: I am so tired of this lol

Jesse McCree: at least Genji is far away doing the right thing unlike us

Lena Oxton: yes 

Lena Oxton: we're still going to keep contact right?

Lena Oxton: Even if he does leave overwatch

Lena Oxton: Well still...be friends right?

Jesse McCree: I don't know lena

Jesse McCree: there's so much happening right now 

Jesse McCree: but I hope we can keep close at least with him 

Jesse McCree: he's been kinda ignoring my texts tho

Lena Oxton: yea and so are you with mines

Jesse McCree: so are you

Jesse McCree: we're all busy ok Lena 

Lena Oxton: yeah sure 

 

_ Genji Shimada has reconnected  _

 

Genji Shimada: Well!

Genji Shimada: this was a mistake

Genji Shimada: I literally want to die 

Jesse McCree: what 

Jesse McCree: Genji what's 

Genji Shimada: I can't take this anymore 

Genji Shimada: Look at what I did.

Genji Shimada: Jesse 

Genji Shimada: Lena 

Lena Oxton: Genji you 

Genji Shimada: I'm a monster 

Jesse McCree: Genji stop 

Genji Shimada: I killed so many people 

Genji Shimada: what if they were innocent 

Genji Shimada: what if I killed people who were just like me 

Genji Shimada: How many young lives did I take 

Jesse McCree: you had to do what you needed to do 

Lena Oxton: Genji they were part of the shimada 

Genji Shimada: I was too 

Genji Shimada: but I was unwilling and they killed me remember 

Genji Shimada: I did the fucking same

Lena Oxton: you're not the same as them

Lena Oxton: they hurt other people Genji 

Lena Oxton: You're not the bad guy here 

Genji Shimada: they were my family 

Genji Shimada: i betrayed my family 

Genji Shimada: I have no one left 

Lena Oxton: Genji 

Jesse McCree: you didn't betray them dude

Genji Shimada: what do YOU know 

Lena Oxton: 

Genji Shimada: you didn't murder your own cousins you didn't betray your family hell you both arent even CLOSE to your families

Genji Shimada: you don't know what I'm talking about 

Genji Shimada: You don't.Easy as that

Lena Oxton: were trying to fucking help you 

Jesse McCree: wow gee 

Jesse McCree: You're darn right!!

Jesse McCree: I DONT know what having a family is in fact!!!

Jesse McCree: because my dads fucking dead!!!and my mom is probably dead too!!!

Jesse McCree: because unlike YOU I barely had a family!

Jesse McCree: or even a house at that!

Jesse McCree: but I don't think mr richboy over here knows what it is to be absolutely miserable 

Genji Shimada: oh I don't know what's like to be MISERABLE?!

Genji Shimada: WELL I GUESS BEING MANIPULATED INTO BECOMING A LITERAL WALKING WEAPON AND BEING MURDERED BY YOUR OWN BROTHER DOESNT COUNT AS MISERABLE NOW!!!

Genji Shimada: PTSD???TRAUMA???DEPRESSION??? ALL CURED BECAUSE I WAS RICH WOW

Genji Shimada: GUESS I SHOULD BE GLAD I HAVE A BROTHER TO MURDER ME RIGHT?!AT LEAST I HAVE A FAMILY!!!!!!

Lena Oxton: lmao you were the one who fucking attacked us for no reason

Lena Oxton: and anyways!

Lena Oxton: All of us were in bad situations alright!

Lena Oxton: and

Jesse McCree: yeah except for you 

Lena Oxton: excuse me

Jesse McCree: as far as I'm concerned your life has been dandy since when you were born 

Lena Oxton: ah,yes.

Lena Oxton: Do I need to remember you that I almost died?

Lena Oxton: chronicle dissociation????did you miss that???

Jesse McCree: ah yes it's just as bad as entering a gang as a child sure

Genji Shimada: lmao that's not as bad you're alive and well!!you have zero say in this 

Lena Oxton: ah YES 

Lena Oxton: ALIVE

Lena Oxton: AND WELL

Lena Oxton: COMPLETELY WELL!!

Jesse McCree: please tell me how is your life bad oxton

Jesse McCree: this is ridiculous 

Genji Shimada: look who's saying it

Jesse McCree: fuck off

Lena Oxton: y'all should have told me you two think what I go trough daily is vanilla 

Lena Oxton: I wouldn't have wasted my time being all dumb here if I knew you two were such good friends!!!

Genji Shimada: well I say the same for you two!vecause I'm just a rich boy who doesn't know what life is!!haha!!

Genji Shimada: I'm done with this.Im glad i left overwatch so i never have to see you two again :)

Jesse McCree: go to hell

 

_ Genji Shimada has disconnected  _

_ Jesse McCree has disconnected _

 

Lena Oxton: lmao won't miss you luvs!!!!

Lena Oxton: good fucking bye!!!

Lena Oxton: …

 

_ Lena Oxton has disconnected _

 

\--

 

_ Ana Amari has reconnected _

_ There are people online on Meeting at the dinning room today @ seven pm.dont miss it. again _

  
  


Ana Amari: Hey I know this groups been dead for a while.

Ana Amari: we...this meeting happened two months ago.

Ana Amari: After the amelie incident.

Ana Amari: and we...really haven't been talking a lot the past few weeks,anyways.

Ana Amari: even in person.

Ana Amari: it's easier to say this here anyways.

Ana Amari: because none of you will see.

Ana Amari: because thanks to Gabe I can delete any messages that aren't read by anyone.

Ana Amari: and I know no one will read this before I do.

Ana Amari: but.

Ana Amari: I miss this.A lot.

Ana Amari: I miss all of you.And

Ana Amari: its obvious Overwatch is going trough some...well.

Ana Amari: were facing a lot of problems.But

Ana Amari: We must continue.

Ana Amari: we are going through some hard times now.

Ana Amari: but I am sure we can get trough this.

Ana Amari: Because we are more than just an organization,right?

Ana Amari: we're a family.

Ana Amari: my daughter,gabe,Jesse,Reinhardt,

Lena,Genji 

Ana Amari: and even losers like John Jack or torbron or anglea

Ana Amari: and...Amélie and Gérard too.

Ana Amari: I don't know what happened to Amélie.

Ana Amari: Im not sure shes even...alive.

Ana Amari: I trained her.She is a wonderful person and I miss her.A lot.

Ana Amari: but I am sure that,wherever she is,Amélie Lacroix is still alive.I know her.I trust her.

Ana Amari: what I mean by all this bullshit is...I love what we built.I love that I can trust all of you.

Ana Amari: I'm unhappy about [ a lo ](http://do.it/) t of things.many of them are overwatch related.

Ana Amari: but.

Ana Amari: I'm not unhappy about...knowing all of you.

Ana Amari: about being close to all of you.

Ana Amari: I'm glad we have built this.

Ana Amari: I have to go now.i have a mission.

Ana Amari: thank you for the deleting feature again Gabe.

Ana Amari: I love all of you.

Ana Amari: also.

 

_ Ana Amari changed the group’s name from Meeting at the dinning room today @ seven pm.dont miss it. to lets keep fighting :) _

_ Ana Amari has deleted all their messages _

_ Ana Amari has disconnected  _

 

\--

 

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected _

_ Gabriel Reyes has reconnected _

_ Reinhardt Wilhelm has reconnected _

_ Torbjörn Lindholm has reconnected _

 

Jesse McCree: Where is [ Ana  ](http://do.it/)

Jesse McCree: I keep calling her number but she won't reply 

Jesse McCree: Fareeha is having a literal breakdown where the fuck is she 

Gabriel Reyes: Jack Morrison why is Ana not replying where is she 

Reinhardt Wilhelm: friends let's not fight!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: she hasn't been online the past few days and she didnt answer any phone calls either.

Torbjörn Lindholm: @ _Jack Morrison_ ??you are in a mission with her.when are you both getting back?did her phone break?

 

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected _

 

Jack Morrison: ...

Jack Morrison: I don't know what to say.

Jack Morrison: I think all of us know what is going on but refuse to accept it

Gabriel Reyes: what the fuck do you even mean by that 

Gabriel Reyes: what happened to her?!

Jack Morrison: it...it was not my fault 

Jack Morrison: a...we were in the battle and there was...a sniper.we didn't see her we didn't know she was there 

Gabriel Reyes: what sniper 

Jack Morrison: it 

Jack Morrison: I couldn't.i couldn't see them,I only...I called her but 

Gabriel Reyes: what happened to Ana.where is she right now 

Jack Morrison: listen I couldn't do anything!!

Jack Morrison: it was too fast I I just heard a gun firing and 

Gabriel Reyes: no

Gabriel Reyes: no that's not what

Gabriel Reyes: where is she.where is she Jack

Jack Morrison: there was nothing I could do

Jack Morrison: she...she was shot

Jesse McCree: No no

Jesse McCree: that's not Ana she wouldn't 

Jesse McCree: she's ok I know she is Ana wouldn't 

Jesse McCree: she wouldn't go like this I know her 

Jack Morrison: I was...I was going to tell about this when me and our crew arrived.

Jack Morrison: th [ ere w ](http://do.it/) as no [ thing ](http://do.it/) I could  [ do.it was  ](http://do.it/) too late

Jesse McCree: no nonononon that's 

Jesse McCree: Jack stop This isn't funny 

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Jack you're...that's not true is it

Torbjörn Lindholm: Jack pranks like these aren't funny!!We all know Ana is tougher than that

Jack Morrison: this isnt a fucking prank!!

Jack Morrison: I told her to get in the jet but she didnt listen!!she wanted to take down the sniper!!!it wasnt my fucking fault!!

Jack Morrison: but we have to move on!!because this is a war!!!!

Jack Morrison: we can't just 

Jack Morrison: we can't just let this get to us!

Gabriel Reyes: Ana was our friend

Gabriel Reyes: we knew for years 

Gabriel Reyes: she has a  _ daughter _

Gabriel Reyes: and you tell us 

Gabriel Reyes: to just forget it 

Gabriel Reyes: what kind of demon are you Jack Morrison 

Jack Morrison: I am not being a demon or whatever I am being realistic!

Jack Morrison: we don't need someone sad now,we need a leader!

Jack Morrison: a leader who doesn't let things like these get to him!

Gabriel Reyes: Oh I'm sorry???you can just straight up say my name if you want!!

Gabriel Reyes: apparently compassion is a bad thing now!!!

Gabriel Reyes: you're not a good leader just because you decide to promptly ignore a MURDER 

Jack Morrison: stop being bitter that I am a better leader than you!and im not ignoring her murder.you dont know what ive been through ever since that happened!!!

Gabriel Reyes: .

Gabriel Reyes: I am.I am so tired of this

Gabriel Reyes: we're all pretending like this is working but it isn't

Gabriel Reyes: overwatch is pretty much.dead.

Gabriel Reyes: we barely talk.Gerard is dead,Amélie is gone,Genji left probably more emotionally scarred than when he joined,Ana is

Gabriel Reyes: I don't even KNOW what happened to Ana!how can you be sure she's dead?!did you even find her body?!did you even CARE?!

Jack Morrison: why are you telling this to me?!im not responsible for everything that happens in battle Reyes!

Gabriel Reyes: because you were there.

Gabriel Reyes: you were there with her and you left her to die 

Jack Morrison: that's not what happened.

Gabriel Reyes: if there is someone at fault for her not being here other than our enemies 

Gabriel Reyes: it's you Morrison 

Gabriel Reyes: did you even try to save her?!

Jack Morrison: you weren't there!!

Jack Morrison: I'm sorry,I won't listen to someone who's only position is being a  _ blackwatch _ leader!!!

Gabriel Reyes: oh we're doing this?!

Gabriel Reyes: you're going there Jack?!

Gabriel Reyes: Do you know what I think??

Gabriel Reyes: you're going to RUIN this organization,if you haven't done that yet!!

Gabriel Reyes: you're going to

destroy everything I ever built!!!what WE ever built,what ANA built!

Gabriel Reyes: and let me tell you something Jack Morrison 

Gabriel Reyes: I did NOT train as hard as I did and fight as much as I STILL DO for some Indiana Boy Scout ruin it all!

Gabriel Reyes: so If you think I'll just let you do whatever the fuck you want with overwatch FORGET IT!because I WONT!

Gabriel Reyes: don't message me again.dont contact anyone close to me again and don't ever mention Anas name again since you didn't even have the decency to mourn her 

Gabriel Reyes: we are.done.

Jack Morrison: you can't jus fucking end this 

Jack Morrison: We need to meet in person 

Gabriel Reyes: Well I'll be fucking waiting!!

Gabriel Reyes: as soon as you get back.

Gabriel Reyes: we're going to finish this.

Jack Morrison: stop being so childish

Jack Morrison: I hope you don't bail.

Jack Morrison: im just being a leader,gabriel.If you dont like it,its not my problem.

 

_ Gabriel Reyes has disconnected _

 

Jack Morrison: how mature of you Reyes.

 

_ Jack Morrison has disconnected  _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people disconnecting wasnt exactly supposed to be symbolic to everyone leaving ow but if you wanna see that way go ahead bro im not stopping you dsidg  
> ALSO good news chapter 5 is pretty much ready,i just need to fix some grammar mistakes and boom ill post it!(probably tomorrow!!) an it will go back to the usual comedic tune of this fic ( that tbh honest i prefer it being less serious than this nhduf)  
> ALSOOOO im working on THREE other fics,theyre not chatlogs but theyre all overwatchz and I might post at least one of them this week but dw bc I WONT drop this one,i love it too much  
> Anyways thx for reading and thx also for all the kudos,bookmarks,comments and views!!it really makes my day :,)


	5. hey remember that comic when the gays stole christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of "everyones having a good holiday time" feat over the hedge.i mean watch.jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start this can I just add.i wrote the name Torbjörn with so many different variations that my phone always autocorrects Torbjörn to one of the abominations I already used because it refuses to believe I'm writing it right for once and honeslty.mood  
> also when Lena calls Torbjörn tiny my phone IMMEDIATELY corrected it to tïñÿ and I left it in bc it was completely unintentional but I loved it too much to remove it   
> so this chapter will be a two part chapter!its set on basically the same day of the events of reflections (blessed comic.)and what everyone is doing on their holidays!!  
> ok so this chapter has REALLy heavy shipping so!  
> This part has widowsombra and slight mention of symbra(is...that the name?).theres genyatta here too and one sided gencio and a little mcgenji but not rly.Also lena and her beautiful gf emily are here and theres a little widowtracer  
> As for character/ship hate uh.I GUESS this is anti gency???i mean genji hates mercy in this fic and i wont.changed that so dont expect gency to happen here  
> also mercy hate techinically.  
> AAALSO theres some mild nsfw content here (its kinda sexual) but like only in the beggining and its joke so  
> AND AGAIN if i say something offensive here PLEASE let me know!!you can comment as a guest or message me on my tumblr (ill link it on my final notes!)  
> Thx for reading uwu

 

_ Welcome to Talons Instant Messaging Applicative. _

_ Agents @Sombra,@Widowmaker and @Reaper are now all online. _

_ Happy holidays.Work starts back on Monday. _

  
  


Sombra: this bs is literally archaic I hate this 

Reaper: So.

Reaper: Happy holidays.Peace on earth.

Reaper: whatever.

Sombra: happy holidays big reaps!

Reaper: don't.

Sombra: ;)

Sombra: hey window can you stop ignoring my texts 

Sombra: happy holidays you blue binch!!!!love you 

Widowmaker: Holidays are a waste of my time.

Sombra: God why are you two so emo 

Sombra: use some emojis!use exclamation points!!!!!

Reaper: (-｡-;

Reaper: there.are you happy

Sombra: very :)

Reaper: Also I am not emo.I am dead.and I have depression 

Widowmaker: I am almost dead.And I killed my husband.

Sombra: can you two like 

Sombra: not today

Sombra: Dios mio

Sombra: hey Gabe what are you going to do on this fine night 

Reaper: Why do you care.

Sombra: Cause you're my friend!

Reaper: no.

Sombra: my amigo?

Reaper: pandering won't work.

Sombra: my gal pal?

Reaper: I'm not a gal nor a pal.

Sombra: my shadow bud 

Reaper: do you want to get blocked.

Sombra: we're boop pals!

Reaper: I'm going to ask Talon to get another partner.

Sombra: nooooo gaaaabeeeee :,(

Sombra: come on tell me what you're going to do at least!!

Reaper: Fine.

Reaper: Well.

Reaper: I am going to spend the night hiding in a dark alley.

Reaper: glaring at all the het couples that pass by me.

Reaper: it doesn't have to do with the fact they're heterosexual.

Reaper: I'm just setting my priorities straight.

Widowmaker: w o w.

Widowmaker: wow you must be SO proud of this one.

Sombra: JnejmNiJwijdickLpKksi

GABRIEL REAPER REYES I CANt WITH YOU

Sombra: what an ICON you are honestly 

Sombra: but how can you know they're straight 

Reaper: I'll ask.

Sombra: jsjdjdjdididn 

Sombra: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GLARE YOU WEAR A MASK

Reaper: they will know.ill just stare.

Sombra: Gabi you can't be serious

Widowmaker: he is.i know him.

Widowmaker: it's what he does.

Sombra: what are YOU going to do then smurfette

Widowmaker: mourn my husband.

Sombra: I thought you didn't have feelings

Reaper: gerard?

Widowmaker: oui.

Sombra: so let me get this straight 

Reaper: ha.

Sombra: fdnj dont sytart it 

Sombra: you two act like yourselves at the holidays but...weirder instead of festive

Widowmaker: it's not weird.

Reaper: I agree.

Reaper: well what are YOU going to do.

Sombra: why do you suddenly care

Reaper: I'm just curious.

Sombra: well I'm going to meet a special someone today ;)

Reaper: what.

Widowmaker: hm.

Reaper: you're.you have a date?

Sombra: no :(

Sombra: bc windows movie maker didn't want to go to my home and watch me  **hack**

Sombra: (hack her.)

Widowmaker: I am never accepting an invitation from you ever again.

Widowmaker: especially after the

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: nevermind.

Sombra: :)

Reaper: what happened.

Sombra: Gabe here practically begging for the drama™

Reaper: I'm not 

Reaper: I'm not.im not I just want to know.

Sombra: well I'm just going to 

Widowmaker: don't.

Sombra: say I am

Sombra: pretty good with my  _ hacking _ hands ;)

Widowmaker: this is exactly why we don't date.

Widowmaker: that and because you always insist on wearing neon purple glasses when we have sex.

Widowmaker: and you always say "I'm in" any time you're inside me with your so called """""hacker voice"""""".

Widowmaker: she keeps calling herself the hackerman too when we fuck.urgh.

Reaper: I did  **not** need to know about that thanks

Reaper: you didn't answer my question.if you're not with widow then.

Sombra: I got someone else ;;;)

Widowmaker: ok.

Sombra: 

Sombra: hey blueberry you're supposed to ask 

Widowmaker: I don't care.

Sombra: 

Sombra: well we aren't dating like I just saw her on a magazine yesterday and.I am interested and i discovered her phone number

Widowmaker: like I said.

Widowmaker: I do not.care.

Sombra: :(

Reaper: Sombra.i asked you a question.

Sombra: weeeeeeeell.....let's say I'm... _ investigating  _ someone :) 

Reaper: You don't need to work.get some rest.

Sombra: thanks reaper the hedgehog but I'm not working 

Sombra: I'm doing this because I want to lol

Reaper: Why did you call me a hedgehog.

Sombra: anyways gtg!

Sombra: boop ;)

 

_ Sombra has disconnected. _

 

Reaper: what does she mean.

Widowmaker: Gabriel you are smarter than that.

Reaper: what do you mean.

Widowmaker: She has been asking about past relatives of yours.

Widowmaker: she keeps mentioning your knitting abilities.

Widowmaker: she also seems to be interested suddenly in watching western movies and copying cowboy lingo.

Widowmaker: it's  _ Christmas _ ,Gabriel.

Widowmaker: does it ring a bell?

Reaper:

Reaper:  **Sombra**

Widowmaker: ha.

 

_ Widowmaker has disconnected. _

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Lena Oxton and @Emily Oxton _

 

Lena Oxton: Luv!!!!!! <33333

Lena Oxton: Just letting you know I'll be home in a tic!!!

Lena Oxton: so we can get ready to visit Winston and Athena

Emily Oxton: Hi!! <3

Emily Oxton: I can't wait to meet your friends!!Youve told so much about them and I'm really excited!!

Emily Oxton: I'm making some hot chocolate by the way.Its very cold!!

Lena Oxton: babe i love you so much 

Lena Oxton: I'll be there in a blink!;)

Emily Oxton: haha

Emily Oxton: Please be careful though 

Emily Oxton: otherwise your juice will end before you even get here!!

Lena Oxton: don't wooooorry Ems

Lena Oxton: I have enough to go all around the world and back!!

Emily Oxton: Are you sure?

Lena Oxton: trust me!

Lena Oxton: BTW luv when i get home ill have a surprise for u ;)

Emily Oxton: i cant wait!! <3 see you in a tic love

Lena Oxton: <33

 

_ Emily Oxton has disconnected _

 

_ \-- _

 

_ Genji Shimada has reconnected _

 

Genji Shimada: so how's your count huh Angles :)))))

 

_ Angela Ziegler has reconnected _

 

Angela Ziegler: Genji?

Angela Ziegler: What count?

Angela Ziegler: I don't understand.

Genji Shimada: of ruined lives?

Angela Ziegler: I don't ruin lives.

Angela Ziegler: I save them.

Genji Shimada: Oh!

Genji Shimada: how's Gabriel?

Angela Ziegler: 

Genji Shimada: : ) how's Gabriel doing Angela?

Genji Shimada: checked up on him lately?is he doing fine?

Angela Ziegler: Genji.

Genji Shimada: Anyways it's Christmas so I won't be rude 

Genji Shimada: did you get my letter?

Angela Ziegler: you mean 

Angela Ziegler: the one where you sent me a single feather with no context?

Genji Shimada: :) 

Angela Ziegler: and a single piece of paper?

Genji Shimada:  **:)**

Angela Ziegler: that read 

"Dear Anglea

I hope you fall off a cliff.

Love,Genji"

Genji Shimada: I didn't mean to say that :/

Angela Ziegler: oh?

Genji Shimada: forgot to add "and die" after cliff 

Genji Shimada: merry Christmas (*^o^*)

Genji Shimada: I'm going to have fun now

Angela Ziegler: merry Christmas I guess.

Genji Shimada: lol bye 

 

\--

 

_ Private chat between @Genji Shimada and @Hanzo Shimada _

 

Genji Shimada: hey bro did you get my gift 

Genji Shimada: bro

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: HANZOOOO

Genji Shimada:  _ @Hanzo Shimada  _

Genji Shimada: fukcing

Genji Shimada: hanzo if you dont get online RIGHT NOW youll lose your honor,

 

_ Hanzo Shimada has reconnected _

 

Genji Shimada: UHXBS hubsu cnaoui9??????0niujs

Hanzo Shimada: Genji.

Genji Shimada: me???

Hanzo Shimada: Your...gift.I...I did.I appreciate it.

Genji Shimada: I sent you a single feather are you serious 

Hanzo Shimada: ...But it has a lot of meaning.

Genji Shimada: I know but 

Genji Shimada: Ug H any ways 

Genji Shimada: what are you going to do today

Genji Shimada: Zenyatta just mauled me with snowballs lol

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: hey it's been five minutes stop ignoring me hanzo 

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Genji Shimada: hanzo

Hanzo Shimada: I'm...I'm sorry.

Hanzo Shimada: It's just...

Hanzo Shimada: I never expected to talk to you again.

Hanzo Shimada: Especially...like this.

Genji Shimada: k

Genji Shimada: anyways just wanted to let u know that u ur ellipsis card has been revoked 

Hanzo Shimada: My...My what?

Genji Shimada: stop using so many ellipses 

Genji Shimada: or I'll kick you 

Hanzo Shimada: I.

Hanzo Shimada: ??

Genji Shimada: enough.ellipses your card is gone remember

Genji Shimada: enou…….gh……..of……...the…..se...

Genji Shimada: what are you doing rn 

Hanzo Shimada: Well.Im outside right now.

Hanzo Shimada: Im thinking of buying a cake for myself.

Genji Shimada: rly?

Genji Shimada: I thought the only thing u ate was honor

Hanzo Shimada: ...

Genji Shimada: YOUR ELLIPSE CARD!!!!YOU CANT USE THEM HANZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hanzo Shimada: This is foolish.

Genji Shimada: it isnt 

Genji Shimada: hey what's the flavor of the cake hm

Hanzo Shimada: I don't know?

Hanzo Shimada: There are strawberries in it that's all I know.

Hanzo Shimada: There's also this.Uh.

Hanzo Shimada: Child,behind me.

Hanzo Shimada: He is staring at me.

Genji Shimada: he's jdgrdf what 

Genji Shimada: do u know him 

Hanzo Shimada: No?

Hanzo Shimada: I don't even know from where he came from.

Hanzo Shimada: I looked back and he was just.There?

Hanzo Shimada: I.

Hanzo Shimada: Can I use elipses again?

Genji Shimada: no 

Genji Shimada: they are cancelled until you get another card 

Hanzo Shimada: Why am I even following this.

Hanzo Shimada: The kid is still here.

Hanzo Shimada: Why is he staring at me?

Hanzo Shimada: Genji 

Genji Shimada: Why are you asking me like I should know 

Genji Shimada: wait

Genji Shimada: are you with your bow 

Hanzo Shimada: My bow is not visible.

Genji Shimada: then why 

Hanzo Shimada: My quiver is,though.

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: Let me get this straight 

Genji Shimada: You're just.

Genji Shimada: Hanzo.

Genji Shimada: you're armed in public.

Hanzo Shimada: Genji,I need to be always ready.

Genji Shimada: are you 

Genji Shimada: why are you 

Genji Shimada: you know instead of asking me why the kid is staring at you, ask THE FUCKING QUIVER FULL OF BOLTS ON YOUR BACK HAN ZO 

Hanzo Shimada: they're for self defense.

Genji Shimada: tell that to the kid you just scared to death 

Hanzo Shimada: He's fine.

Hanzo Shimada: well I just bought an entire cake.

Hanzo Shimada: I don't know why I did that.

Genji Shimada: you did that!

Hanzo Shimada: I'm being very impulsive since...since our last encounter 

Genji Shimada: Jesus cjirsyh why are you like

Genji Shimada: THAT

Genji Shimada: you buy a fkcing CAKE and you immediately go "hjmmnnnn............I am so impul..........sive?hrm......honor"

Hanzo Shimada: I didn't just buy a cake.

Hanzo Shimada: I got some piercings.

Hanzo Shimada: My hair is now an undercut 

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: I'm sorry what

Hanzo Shimada: I changed my hair.And I got some piercings.

Hanzo Shimada: Some...Ear piercings.And a nose bridge piercing too.

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: who are you and what did you do to my brother 

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: Wait so right after that whole mess you jsut 

Genji Shimada: the first thing you did was get a bunch of piercings and a new haircut 

Hanzo Shimada: No.

Hanzo Shimada: I bought some new clothing too.Its cold where I am now.

Genji Shimada: why do you speak like that

Genji Shimada: "it's cold where I am now." Are you in like a reverse hell wtf

Hanzo Shimada: I am traveling right now.

Hanzo Shimada: Where exactly I am is not important.

Genji Shimada: sure ok 

Genji Shimada: so tell me r u going to join obertwatch or what 

Hanzo Shimada: 

Hanzo Shimada: I'm still...I'm still thinking about it.

Genji Shimada: I will die if you use another "..." I swear to god

Genji Shimada: 

Hanzo Shimada:

Hanzo Shimada: I'm sorry.

Genji Shimada: that wasnt intentional ok sorry im not provoking you

Genji Shimada: b please think about it ok 

Hanzo Shimada: Ok.

Genji Shimada: Go eat your cake.

Hanzo Shimada: ?

Genji Shimada: I'm ditching you

Genji Shimada: finally found some old ass phone numbers

have some friends to meet 

Genji Shimada: bye 

 

_ Genji Shimada has disconnected _

 

\--

_ Genji Shimada created the group hey remember that time Jesse shoved an entire cowboy boot(including the spurs) in his mouth that was weird  _

_ Genji Shimada added Jesse McCree and Lena Oxton to hey remember that time Jesse shoved an entire cowboy boot(including the spurs) in his mouth that was weird  _

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected  _

  
  


Genji Shimada: JESSE LENA 

Lena Oxton: GENJI JESSEBbbbb LUVS!!!!!!!

Jesse McCree: LENA GENJ OMDGSBS

Genji Shimada: listen I APOLOGIZE OK CAN WE SKIP THE BIG APOLOGIZING PARAGRAPHS AND UGLY CRYING FOR NOW BECAUSE 

Genji Shimada: I FINALLY GOT YALLS PHONE NUMBERS AND INMISS YOU TWO SO MUCH AND I CAN APOLOGIZE LATER OK 

Lena Oxton: YOU DONT NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!!!YOU WERE RIGHTFULLY ANGRY AND OK YOU SAID SOME SHITTY STUFF

Genji Shimada: YEA BUT I WAS ESPECIALLY SHITTY AND I MEANT NONE OF IT OK?!

Genji Shimada: JESSE LENA I DONT THINK YOU TWO HAVE HAD GOOD LIVES BECAUSE I DONT I WAS JUST HSJDHD I AM SO SORRY FOR SAYING ALL THE BULLSHIT I DID AND

Genji Shimada: wait we were going to skip the whole paragraph apologizing thing why am I 

Jesse McCree: let's jsut resume it

Lena Oxton: ok 

Genji Shimada: sorry for being a dick

Lena Oxton: sorry for ALSO being a dick

Jesse McCree: sorry for ALSO being a dick (too)

Genji Shimada: alright good were friends again

Lena Oxton: I missed you two soooo much!!!!

Lena Oxton: especially this group chat but I can't WAIT to meet up with you two in person!!!

Lena Oxton: you're both going to the watchpoint right?cause if you don't I'll catch a plane to wherever the HECK you are and drag you two here >:(

Jesse McCree: I'll be a little late 

Jess McCree: Yknow wanted criminal 

Genji Shimada: I'll be there in January probably 

Genji Shimada: who's already there btw?

Lena Oxton: well for now it's just me and Winston!!

Lena Oxton: tornjorns and Reinhardt are coming  after tomorrow !!

Genji Shimada: who the fuck is tornjorns 

Lena Oxton: it's torbo!!!

Genji Shimada: who

Jesse McCree: he Thrombjorro

Genji Shimada: who is this man 

Jesse McCree: you're joking right

Genji Shimada: who is this.person.

Lena Oxton: Genji!!!

Jesse McCree: Genji its Torbjörn 

Genji Shimada: ?????

Lena Oxton: Torbjörn Lindholm!!!!

Genji Shimada:  **?????**

Lena Oxton: tïñÿ dwarf man!!!

Genji Shimada: who

Genji Shimada: oh FUCK

Genji Shimada: ITS TORBJÖRN dfgv OVERWATCH 

Genji Shimada: FUCK I  **FORGOT** ABOUT TORBJÖRN????

Genji Shimada: I SWEAR I  _ COMPLETELY _ ERASED THE MEMORY OF THAT ANGRY LITTLE MAN I LITERALLY DID NOT REMEMBER WHO HE WAS 

Genji Shimada: HOLY SHIT 

Jesse McCree: how could you forget about him 

Lena Oxton: >:( how could you just forget about tröböjobo??

Genji Shimada: I don't 

Genji Shimada: I don't know 

Genji Shimada: * Ï dœñt kñøw

Lena Oxton: NEJDJARGHHHHH

Jesse McCree: I love this

Genji Shimada: :)

Genji Shimada: wellllll anywayssss I want to know 

Genji Shimada: how's

Genji Shimada: yalls romantic life :))))

Lena Oxton: :3c

Jesse McCree: bad 

Genji Shimada: bad ass mother fucker?its good then 

Jesse McCree: why do you do this 

Lena Oxton: tell us about yours first Genji :) 

Genji Shimada: well 

Genji Shimada: I dated a lot of people the past years lol 

Genji Shimada: I had lots of loving girlfriends and boyfriends 

Jesse McCree: God I wish that were me

Genji Shimada: God I ALSO wish that were me 

Genji Shimada: because I'm being sarcastic 

Genji Shimada: I was too busy being suicidal to think about love lol 

Genji Shimada: so :///////////

Jesse McCree: oh 

Genji Shimada: but I'm happy now

Genji Shimada: I think I ?

Genji Shimada: I did 

Genji Shimada: hey Jesse remember that guy I sent a picture of like three months ago to you with zero context 

Jesse McCree: the orb guy?

Jesse McCree: there was a caption saying "experience tranquility" and I asked if you were high 

Jesse McCree: you were in the pic too and you did look high in my defense 

Genji Shimada: yeah that one 

Jesse McCree: you never replied also it was kinda rude 

Genji Shimada: I didn't know what to say and the app crashed too

Genji Shimada: well y'all won't believe this but 

Genji Shimada: Hes my boyfriend :3c

Lena Oxton: WHAT

Jesse McCree: WHAT?????THAT GUY WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND????

Genji Shimada: don't worry Jesse we have an open relationship you can still get it from me

Lena Oxton: MHSJDJCMCCOLEKD

Jesse McCree: Genji????im so???

Jesse McCree: pardner I'm genuinely happy for you!!!whays he like is he nice 

Lena Oxton: same here omg luv!!!

Genji Shimada: his name is zenyatta.hes an angel I love him so much 

Genji Shimada: he's an omnic and I call him my metal husband (because he is.)

Lena Oxton: wait 

Lena Oxton: Terkhartta Zenyatta?

Genji Shimada: why do you know my Bfs whole name

Lena Oxton:

Lena Oxton: :/

Lena Oxton: hey Genji remember when I mentioned I loved Mondattas preachings

Genji Shimada: yea

Jesse McCree: wait

Lena Oxton: his whole name is Terkhartta Mondatta remember 

Genji Shimada: ex

Genji Shimada: excuse m ?e ?

Jesse McCree: holy fuck 

Genji Shimada: I

Genji Shimada: wait so do you know zenny 

Lena Oxton: no :( but I'd love to!!

Genji Shimada: how did I not connect the dots holy shit 

Lena Oxton: hey it's not bad!!

Lena Oxton: he's joining us right?

Lena Oxton: it's good!!

Genji Shimada: whatever you say?

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: SOOO 

Genji Shimada: how's ~love life~ going for you two then 

Jesse McCree: I am alone 

Jesse McCree: I jsut want someone to k*ss me,,,,

Genji Shimada: daw don't worry Jess you'll find your perfect pardner soon :)

Jesse McCree: are you making fun of me 

Lena Oxton: HAHA 

Lena Oxton: WELL YOU SEE!

Lena Oxton: TURNS OUT  **IM** NOT A  _ COMPLETE _ LOSER!!!

Genji Shimada: what why 

Genji Shimada: also for some reason this reads like a supervillain talking lol

Jesse McCree: you're not a loser

Lena Oxton: I HAVE A GF!!!!!!

Genji Shimada: WHAT

Jesse McCree: come on that's not fair why does everyone 

Jesse McCree: LENA COME O N 

Lena Oxton: >:)

Genji Shimada: HOLY SHIT DUDE

Genji Shimada: WHATS HER NAME????

Lena Oxton: Emily!

Jesse McCree:

Genji Shimada: 

Lena Oxton: what?

Genji Shimada: so guys 

Genji Shimada: meet my new boyfriend Gunyatta 

Genji Shimada: he's like zenyatta but with a gun 

Jesse McCree: JjejxjdmcjKIEHSID

Lena Oxton: ????????

Genji Shimada: tho in your case it's the opposite 

Jesse McCree: nogunnyatta

Genji Shimada: I hate this but I also love this 

Lena Oxton: I don't???

Genji Shimada: Lena.

Genji Shimada: Amélie.

Genji Shimada: Emily.

Genji Shimada: come  **ON** .

Lena Oxton:

Lena Oxton: itsa coincidence 

Jesse McCree: your dating the non French version of your old crush this is iconic

Jesse McCree: @GENJI BONJOURNYATTA

Jesse McCree: ITS ZENYATTA BUT FRENCH

Genji Shimada: JEJDJNDJDKCMCPROF

Lena Oxton: >:(

Genji Shimada: also meet my other crush Lucioui 

Jesse McCree: HOW DO YOU EVEN PRONOUNCE THAT JEIIDMXKDKVOFKFKIF 

Lena Oxton: shut up!!

Lena Oxton:

Lena Oxton: Genji did you just expose your crush to us 

Genji Shimada: what 

Jesse McCree: ONG 

Jesse McCree: OMFGGGG

Genji Shimada: huh

Genji Shimada: I...I did 

Genji Shimada: I'm a dumbass lmao 

Lena Oxton: I missed this :,)

Jesse McCree: Same!!!

Genji Shimada: I must admit I did too 

Genji Shimada: anyways what are you two doing on this day 

Lena Oxton: I'm going to have dinner w Winston Ems and Athena 

Jesse McCree: aw she even has pet names for her how nice 

Genji Shimada: That's gay 

Lena Oxton: yea she's my girlfriend 

Genji Shimada: I know

Lena Oxton: what about y'all 

Genji Shimada: I'm going to send blank letters to Anglea today

Genji Shimada: because I know she has to walk to the post office to get them lmaaaaaaaaaao

Jesse McCree: this is so petty,,,,,

Genji Shimada: I'm also going to hug my boyfriend who almost murdered me with snowballs like five minutes ago I almost died, _ again _

Lena Oxton: Genji 

Genji Shimada: let me  **live** ok 

Genji Shimada:  **ha ha ha** **_get it its because im fuckin DEAD_ **

Jesse McCree: _ Genji  _

Genji Shimada: anyways He's on his room rn he said he got a Christmas costume he wants to show me 

Genji Shimada: I don't know what to expect 

Lena Oxton: I kinda missed the timing from my joke but I'm going to do it anyways 

Lena Oxton: Haha Genji you sure love his balls ;)))))

Genji Shimada: die also that was horrible 

Genji Shimada: and ironically you of all people missed the timing which is just

Jesse McCree: Genji speaking of costumes are you still about that bullshit of 

Jesse McCree: you know,

Genji Shimada: listen.

Genji Shimada: I am a robot.

Genji Shimada: a man bot if you will

Lena Oxton: cyborg 

Genji Shimada: blocked

Genji Shimada: I don't need to wear proper clothes

Genji Shimada: I can just wear this crotch thing and no one notices that I'm pretty much naked 

Lena Oxton: I want to die 

Jesse McCree: doesn't your boyfriend wear pants 

Genji Shimada: can I finish?

Genji Shimada: Honestly I love being a robot because I can just walk around with a huge ass metal rod SHOVED right between my ass cheeks and NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has the balls to call me out on it.its amazing 

Lena Oxton: why

Jesse McCree: and y'all make fun of me

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: hey I know I JUST typed this out but I regret it already 

Genji Shimada: I take it back

Genji Shimada: wait no I don't I like my robot lingerie 

Jesse McCree: the duality of a man 

Lena Oxton: djfjc

Genji Shimada: shi t the hell UP!!!

Genji Shimada: hey btw Joe you didn't say where you going to spend your night

Jesse McCree: whose Joe

Genji Shimada: where did he come from 

Genji Shimada: where did he go 

Genji Shimada: (empty space because I don't remember this part and I'm too lazy to look it up 

Genji Shimada:  **watch out for cotton eye joe**

Jesse McCree: HWYXDJ

Lena Oxton: is this the cowboy equivalent of being rick rolled?

Genji Shimada: yea

Lena Oxton: I don't think “watch out for cotton eye joe” is an actual part of the song

Genji Shimada: well it is now 

Genji Shimada: @mcjoe answer my question 

Jesse McCree: well I'm going to drink till I pass out!!!!fuck it 

Jesse McCree: I'm in a bar rn and I'm gong to have fun!!!!

Lena Oxton: aren't you a wanted criminal?you said that like ten messages ago 

Jesse McCree: it was more than ten 

Jesse McCree: we need to stop texting like only one line per text lol 

Jesse McCree: also yea but it's Christmas or whatever they can't arrest me

Genji Shimada: ah yes of course that's a thing.thats definitely a thing 

Jesse McCree: anyways

Jesse McCree: can't WAAAAIT to get drunk,

Lena Oxton: jsjd

Genji Shimada: I can't make fun of him

Genji Shimada: it's less weird than what Hanzo is doing 

Lena Oxton: being a grumpy asshole?lol

Jesse McCree: commiting fratricide?

Genji Shimada: there are no brothers left Jsse

Jesse McCree: yea because he killed them

Genji Shimada:  **jesus christ jesse?**

Genji Shimada: anyways?

Genji Shimada: well he bought a cake and is currently eating it by himself since I ditched him and some kid keeps staring at him and his exposéd bolts

Jesse McCree: this is so specific lol

Genji Shimada: what do you mean 

Jesse McCree: you made up something so specific that's what I meant 

Genji Shimada: it's not made up its what's happening ?

Lena Oxton: how do you know 

Genji Shimada: I just talked to him 

Genji Shimada: he still types like a loser though 

Genji Shimada: oh yea btw I invited him to join overswatchc is that ok 

Jesse McCree:

Lena Oxton:

Genji Shimada: don't ignore me 

Jesse McCree: you...invited Hanzo

Genji Shimada: yea 

Lena Oxton: to join us?

Genji Shimada: yea?

Genji Shimada: he's chill ok

Jesse McCree:  _ he killed you  _

Genji Shimada:  that's.its not as simple

Genji Shimada: it's much more complicated ok

Genji Shimada: besides he left the Shimada and has been wandering around like a freak for fucking ten years 

Lena Oxton: oh...?

Genji Shimada: he goes to my grave every year it's.sad and tbh im shocked abt how much he cares

Genji Shimada: he's still a dumbass though

Genji Shimada: LIKE WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM HE WAS LIKE "HUUUUUUUUR????????ONLY A SHIMADA CAN CONTROL THE DRAGONS HURDDHBUUUR" AND I WAS LIKE "HEY IM  **GENJI** " AND HE JUST????

Genji Shimada: "UUUBHH WHAT NOO MY BROTNER,,,,DEAD WHO ARE YOU"

Genji Shimada: WHO ELSE COULD IT BE I HAVE THE GREEN DRAGON THE SWORD THE SCARF THE VOICE THE FEATHER **AAAAAAAAAAAA**

Lena Oxton: when did that happen 

Genji Shimada: one week ago lol 

Genji Shimada: it was actually really funny because like three days after our 'fight' I messaged him on his Twitter 

Jesse McCree: what did you say

Genji Shimada: I just sent a hey but he ignored me

Genji Shimada: I think it's because of the fact that my profile picture is a pic of a random cat I saw on the street once and I never posted anything and my username is @greenass so 

Genji Shimada: the cat was cute by the way.an angel.loved that cat 

Genji Shimada: anyways then I found out his phone number and IMMEDIATELY sent him a message 

Lena Oxton: what did you send then  

Genji Shimada: I told him I wanted my pachimari shoes back lol 

Genji Shimada: He FREAKED OUT and sent like ten paragraphs(I counted I swear he sent ten) to me of this "usurpation" and "identity Robery" and "disrespecting the dead" nonsense 

Genji Shimada: so I sent a pic of my face and he replied like two days later 

Genji Shimada: even though he had seen it when I sent it

Genji Shimada: which was just. **rude**

Genji Shimada: when I see him again I'm going to confront him about that btw,

Lena Oxton: this is a lot 

Jesse McCree: it 

Genji Shimada: I'll be honest it's not what I expected from a rencounter lol

Jesse McCree: Genji 

Genji Shimada: yea

Jesse McCree: if he does join 

Jesse McCree: our bet is still up  <|>:)

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: die

Genji Shimada: DIE

Genji Shimada:  **DIE**

Genji Shimada:  **LIKE SIX YEARS HAVE PASSED AND YOU STILL USE THIS GODDAMN HAT I HATE YOU SO** **_MUCH_ **

Jesse McCree: don't ignore what I said  _ partner _

Lena Oxton: Bet for sale never won 

Jesse McCree: it is up 

Jesse McCree: I'll beat him up and you'll have to admit I'm right!!!

Genji Shimada: don't 

Genji Shimada: listen.

Genji Shimada: I don't want this for different reasons now

Genji Shimada: I don't want you to get hurt

Genji Shimada: but I also don't want  _ him _ to get hurt 

Genji Shimada: Hanzo is much more emotionally damaged than what I thought he could ever be 

Genji Shimada: I don't want him to feel more humiliated in this life than he already does

Lena Oxton: that's sweet Genji <:)

Jesse McCree: hm

Jesse McCree: let me guess yer only being fake deep and saying that because you don't want to lose 

Genji Shimada: no 

Genji Shimada: listen.

Genji Shimada: don't fight him,please.dont be agressive to him

Genji Shimada: this includes you too Lena.I want this to work

Jesse McCree: fine then 

Lena Oxton: don't worry luv :)

Lena Oxton: so Jess how's it going for you rn :)

Jesse McCree: third drink

Jesse McCree: but I'm sober <|:)

Genji Shimada:  **STOP USING THIS CURSED EMOTICON**

Jesse McCree: let me live 

Lena Oxton: lol 

Lena Oxton: hey btw I have to get something for Winston now!!

Lena Oxton: happy holidays to you luvs uwu bye!!

Genji Shimada: to you too 

Jesse McCree: thanks

 

_ Lena Oxton has disconnected. _

 

Genji Shimada: I was holding this information because I was being serious but

Jesse McCree: what

Genji Shimada: zenys costume is a nutcracker costume 

Genji Shimada: that's.all I'm going to say.

Jesse McCree: NEICJKEPPQPQNDKEOOEOFID a IFIFIFIIC

Jesse McCree: WAIT SO ARE HIS ORBS

Genji Shimada: yes.

Genji Shimada: his nut of discord.

Genji Shimada: and his nut of harmony.

Jesse McCree: NEJDJIDOWPQKO NOOOOOOOOOOO

Genji Shimada: I want to say pass into the nut but I know he'll murder me

Jesse McCree: EXPERIENCE DEEZ NUTZ

Genji Shimada: WHHDIDJDN AAAAA DONT GIVE ME IDEAS

Genji Shimada: this is amazing 

Genji Shimada: well excuse me now I'm going to

Genji Shimada: crack some _ nutz  _

Jesse McCree: GENJID

Genji Shimada: Like literally I have to crack some nuts for our dinner lol 

Genji Shimada: bye loser missed you 

Jesse McCree: <|:,) even the hat?

Genji Shimada:  **consider yourself blocked tonight.**

 

_ Genji Shimada has disconnected  _

 

Jesse McCree: JNEIDKCIFIV

Jesse McCree: wait

Jesse McCree: DID HE SERIOUSLY BLOCK ME OMG

Jesse McCree: GENJI 

Jesse McCree: osjjsjd

 

_ Jesse McCree has disconnected  _

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Sombra and @Jesse McCree _

 

Sombra: hey amigo ;)

Sombra: enjoying your drinks?

Jesse McCree: wh...wh the fkck are you lol

Jesse McCree: how did yuo get here 

Sombra: ;)

Jesse McCree: howd know I'm drinkissb

Sombra: well I'm just that smart.lets say I just know a lot. ;)

Jesse McCree: oh thre you are ur the purple harried lady by the door

Jesse McCree: sit down lmao 

Sombra:

Sombra: I'm not

Jesse McCree: howdy

Jesse McCree: I just made fingr guns @ u

Sombra: it's not me.

Jesse McCree: then why do u look embaraserd lol

Jesse McCree: ur looking @ me

Jesse McCree: I made fingr guns again

Sombra: stop narrating 

Jesse McCree: aight

Jesse McCree: so,,,,how did u find me again 

Sombra: let's just say I've been...observing you ;)

Jesse McCree: lsten 

Jesse McCree: if yer tryin to flirt w me I'll be straight up w you 

Jesse McCree: I am..not interwsted.

Jesse McCree: I am piss drunk and sad.i even cried a bit.so leave me aloan

Sombra: I have a girlfriend.

Jesse McCree: good for u.

Jesse McCree: im not being sarcastic I'm genuinekly happy for u.good job on the gf

Sombra: well sort of.its complicated.

Sombra: but you don't need to know about that.

Jesse McCree: actudly I do 

Jesse McCree: are you ok can I help u 

Sombra: 

Sombra: anyways.

Sombra: I just wanted to talk to you,amigo.

Jesse McCree: wait do u speak Spanish or r u just adding random non enflish words to

Sombra: I'm Mexican.

Jesse McCree: ooh got it

Jesse McCree: m half Mexican,

Jesse McCree: I'd love 2 speak Spanish w u b it's been a whike I don't use it

Sombra: don't worry amigo.

Jesse McCree: so agian do I knwo you 

Jesse McCree: like u keep calling me your friend can I help u or somth

Sombra: no,you don't know me.

Sombra: let's say I just know someone close to you. ;)

Jesse McCree: r u Emily 

Sombra:

Sombra: who's Emily 

Jesse McCree: I thiugbt u were Emily lmao 

Sombra: Who is Emily?

Jesse McCree: Lenas gf 

Jesse McCree: tho I shouldn tell u this 

Jesse McCree: I thought simbra was her surname

Jesse McCree: like Emily sombr

Jesse McCree: *sombra 

Sombra: you have committed so many typos why is THIS the one you're correcting 

Jesse McCree: don't wanna bucyher wait I mean butcher ur own name

Sombra: 

Sombra: the backspace key is right there for your usage 

Jesse McCree: ok

Jesse McCree: b anyways so far uve been nice to me so I wanna be nice bac <|:)

Sombra:

Sombra: I 

Sombra: I cannot believe this.

Sombra: I told he was joking about the hat

Jesse McCree: wym

Jesse McCree: who was joking 

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: why even m mystery friend makin fun of my emoji 

Jesse McCree: who told you abt m hat

Sombra: no one you know.

Jesse McCree: imean "he" knew abt it and told u

Jesse McCree: let me fkcing guess it wa S genji 

Jesse McCree: he rly hates thsi emoji Urgh 

Sombra: ...Genji. 

Sombra: Genji Shimada.I know him.

Jesse McCree: I cnt believe he BlockED me AND sent a

Jesse McCree: who r u again 

Sombra: a friend.

Sombra: ;)

Jesse McCree: u kinda can't make fun of me u kno

Jesse McCree: u pretty mch ONLY use the smiling winkin emoji 

Sombra: what 

Sombra: it's not the same

Jesse McCree: kinda is <|://///

Jesse McCree: I'm not complainin!!!

Jesse McCree: I mean u speak Spanish u have weird emojis and I'm pretyy sure u said at least one yall

Sombra: i didn't 

Jesse McCree: YE ok ill giv u that but three evidences are stronger than jsut two 

Jesse McCree: we're both Mexican (or half mecican lel) anywYs so back 2 three HA

Jesse McCree: ur basically me!!

Sombra: I am not like you in any way.

Jesse McCree: rude <|:(

Sombra: listen here

Sombra: whoops I'm being messaged.

Sombra: brb.

Jesse McCree: donnt leave me

 

_ Talons Chat App/Private conversation between agents @Sombra and @Reaper. _

 

Reaper: SOMBRA

Sombra: new phone who dis

Reaper:  **SOMBRA** .

Sombra: I don't know her :/

Reaper: don't play dumb with me.

Reaper: Leave Jesse alone.Right now.

Sombra: he's piss drunk rn do you really want that 

Reaper: 

Reaper: what 

Reaper: don't let him drink more 

Reaper: where is he I'm going to

Reaper: wait I can't 

Reaper: I'm dead 

Reaper: I can't interrupt my glaring at couples schedule 

Reaper: what's going on 

Reaper: does he need help 

Reaper: does he need anything

Reaper: is he awake

Reaper: how drunk is he exactly 

Reaper: also how is he did you talk to him 

Reaper: how is he going is he ok 

Reaper: is he alone 

Reaper: is he still using his hat 

Reaper: is he still using his emoticon 

Reaper: Sombra 

Sombra: you.

Sombra: sent me.

Sombra:  **Eighteen** messages.

Sombra: in less than a  _ minute _ .

Reaper: 

Reaper: whatever. I don't care.

Sombra: using a lot of emo punctuation and low case won't change the fact that you JUST SENT ME EIGHTEEN MESSAGES ASKING IF HES OK 

Sombra: so

Sombra: he's ok.hes 

Sombra: 

Sombra: he

Reaper: what happened 

Sombra: he passed out 

Reaper: what 

Reaper: ?!??!WHAT

Sombra: chill he was drunk 

Reaper: ...

Reaper: so he's just.

Sombra: he's just enjoying a little nap rn 

Sombra: lol 

Reaper: you know it's kinda chilly today and 

Sombra: so what 

Reaper: can you put a blanket on him 

Reaper: I don't want him to catch the flu 

Sombra: this is absolutely 

Sombra: I just 

Sombra: big reps it's warm inside the bar.he has a sarape.jes fine 

Reaper: ok 

Reaper: 

Reaper:  [ is.is ](http://is.is/) he really fine how can you know 

Sombra: this is ridiculous 

Sombra: you're a freak 

Sombra: but you're also such a dad 

Sombra: it's sad 

Sombra: but cute 

Sombra: happy holidays Gabi :) 

Sombra: he's fine.dont worry 

Reaper:

Reaper: ..........thanks.i guess.

Reaper: if he wakes up though don't let him have anymore drinks.

Sombra: dw Gabe ;)

 

_ Sombra has disconnected. _

 

Reaper: 

 

_ Reaper has disconnected. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo i hope yall like this and im already working on the next part!!!   
> my tumblr is sombraslesbian uwu  
> again thx for reading!!


	6. remember that comic where not only the gays stole christmas but also stole a car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of "everyones having a good holiday time (except like,not)" feat team fortress with girls and a monkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blizzard: junkrat forgets everything and is distracted easily but hes just a crazy guy XDDDDD  
> Me,rubbing my dirty ADD hands together as I write this: I See :)
> 
> weeeeelll heres part 2 of last chapter!!also @yall thank you very much for all the kudos,bookmarks,comments and views,they help me a LOT and motivate me to write this SO MUCH  
> So in this part theres going to be some Roadrat,BUT it is not necessarily romantic??you can read it as platonic if you please,but im putting a warning anyways cause I know some people are uncomfy w this ship so!!  
> also some symbra(its one sided tho)  
> theres some nsfw language but like.its not realy heavy  
> theres no character hate or ship hate ( i guesssssssssssss?????????????????)  
> As always if I say anything offensive PLEASE let me know ASAP!!!my tumblr is on my final notes but you can comment here too if youd like!!

_Junkstrat has connected_

_ Junkstrat has created the group FUN TIMES WITH MY FAVORITE HOG _

_ Junkstrat has added Roadhog. to FUN TIMES WITH MY FAVORITE HOG _

 

Junkstrat: ROADLE

Junkstrat: ROADS CHECK TJEI OUT MATE!!!!

 

_ Roadhog. has connected _

 

Roadhog.: what.

Junkstrat: GOT US A CHAT APP RODHOG

Roadhog.: ...why.

Junkstrat: WHY NOT!!!LOOK AT THIS WE CAN CHAT

Roadhog.: im right next to you.

Junkstrat: WEEELLLL WHAT IF YER WERENT HUH

Junkstrat: WE GOTTA KEEP IN TOUCH MATE!!!!!!!

Roadhog.: we are always in touch.

Junkstrat: .????????THANKS???

Junkstrat: BUT I MEAN WHAT IF THOSE SUITS GET ONE OF US HUH

Junkstrat: LIKE WHAT IF THEY GET ME!!HOW AN I GONNA GET FREE

Roadhog.: ...

Roadhog.: fine.

Roadhog: why is my username "Roadhog." though.

Junkstrat: IT FITS YA MATE

Roadhog.: Did you put that

Junkstrat: UMM NO ITS AUTOMATIC

Roadhog.: so this app put 'Junkstrat' automatically too.

Roadhog: and it WASNT you who just wrote it wrong.

Junkstrat: 

 

_ Junkstrat has changed their username to Jumkrat _

 

Jumkrat: dunno what yer talkin about mate my username is all fine :////

Roadhog.: Typo.

Jumkrat:  FUCK

 

_ Jumkrat has changed their username to Junkrat  _

 

Junkrat: Alrigjt FINE I admit I wrote it 

Roadhog.: I want to change it.

Junkrat: then do it mate

Roadhog.: ...I don't know how to?

Junkrat: click the gear icon roadie 

 

_ Roadhog. has changed their username to Road(^-@-^) _

 

Junkrat: mate what is that

Road(^-@-^): it's a pig.

Road(^-@-^): let me live.

Junkrat: it doesn't look like a pig roadie!!

Junkrat: but I like yer determination 

Junkrat: I'm gonna help you find a REAL pig emoticon AY???

Road(^-@-^): my pig is fine.

Road(^-@-^): but I accept your help.

Junkrat: YE

Junkrat: ok so check THIS BLOKE OUT

Junkrat: <(o@o)> KATCHOW

Road(^-@-^): I like it.

Junkrat: hmm

Junkrat: it doesn't look like a pig tho 

Road(^-@-^): I just said I liked it?

Junkrat: Roadles I want it to be perfect for you ok 

Road(^-@-^): thanks.

Junkrat: ok but I 

Junkrat: we have a base now we jus gotta work on it 

Junkrat: (^•@•^)

Junkrat: MATE CHEKC TJIS ONE OUT

Road(^-@-^): I like it.

Junkrat: mmmmmm still feels like something's missin :/

Junkrat: let me try somethin else

Junkrat: ~(•@•)~

Junkrat: the fcking EARS 

Junkrat: mate the ears!!!alls fine except em 

Junkrat: fuck!!!

Road(^-@-^): it's fine.

Junkrat: it isn't mate AHKR I gotta do this now 

Junkrat: ok how about 

Junkrat: u(•@•)u

Road(^-@-^): the ears aren't very pig like but it's cute.

Junkrat: fgh I knoooow

Junkrat: does it HAVE to be a pig

Junkrat: can't it be somethin else mate 

Road(^-@-^): no.

Junkrat: yer making this real hard roadle

Junkrat: Alrigjt FUCK

Junkrat: I'm gonna try somethin else

Junkrat: 0(-@-)0

Junkrat: they look like eggs not ears

Junkrat: Raodhog why did you have to be a HOG

Junkrat: COULDNT U BE ROADCAT OR ROADBIRD 

Road(^-@-^): Because those would be boring.

Road(^-@-^): Also

Road(^-@-^): Would you be Junkdog or Junkfish?

Junkrat: 

Junkrat: okay you drongo you win this time

Junkrat:

Junkrat: ROAD WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY 

Road(^-@-^): ?

Junkrat: LIKE ITS 

Junkrat: HOLIDAYS!!!FUCK!!!!

Road(^-@-^): oh

Road(^-@-^): I didn't even remember.

Junkrat: we gotta do somethin fukcing

Junkrat: MATE GUVE ME TEN MINUTES AND A PEN AND ILL MAKE JUST THE BEST HOLIDAY PLAN YOUVE EVER SEEN 

Road(^-@-^): don't you need a piece of paper too?

Junkrat: NAH ILL WRITE IT ON M LEG

Junkrat: CAUSE ILL JUST LOOSE THE PAPER

Junkrat: HOWEVER I MAY ALSO LOOSE MY LEG

Junkrat: WELL FUCK ROADLES THISS GONNA BE HARD

Junkrat: WELL ILL TRY TO REMEMBER IT

Road(^-@-^): you can just give the paper to me.

Junkrat: BUT WELL THEN IT WOULDNT BE A SURPRIIIIIISE ROADH

Road(^-@-^): this was a surprise?

Junkrat: I MEAN YEAH?LI

Junkrat:  **FUCK I CANT BELIVE**

Junkrat: IM A AdfvgECF!!!!

Road(^-@-^): hey.its ok.

Road(^-@-^): ill pretend I didn't know it was a surprise.

Junkrat: THANKS ROADIE!!!!

Junkrat: WELL YOULL LOVE THE SURPRISE MATE,COUNT ON IT

Junkrat: JSUT!!!TURN AROUND FOR A BIT AND ILL GET THIS DONE!!!

Road(^-@-^): do you.

Road(^-@-^): Literally want me to turn around or.metaphorically 

Road(^-@-^): like do you just want me to go offline?

Junkrat: mate I have NO IDEA of what your talkin about so 

Junkrat: just do something while I plan k 

Road(^-@-^): ok.

 

-

 

Junkrat: don't peek drongo!!s a surprise!!!!

Road(^-@-^): I'm not peaking.

Road(^-@-^): there was a fly on your shoulder.i was just hitting it off.

Junkrat: DONT MATE DONT HIT MY SHOULDER PLEASE I ALREADY LOST SO MUCH 

Road(^-@-^): fine.

Junkrat: so I'm going to work on this the whole night so you might as well sleep roads

Junkrat: night!!!!

Road(^-@-^): are you ditching me?

Junkrat: KINDA YEA 

Junkrat: GO SLEEP YOU PIG I GOTTA WORK ON THIS!!!!

Road(^-@-^): Ok.

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Sombra and @Jesse McCree _

 

Sombra: yniw I'm glad we became friends b I didn't rly Exocet .

Sombra: expect to actually drink w you 

Sombra: also ur wlcome for dragging u home 

Sombra: I got kinda lost in the way back tho 

Jesse McCree: srry <|:(

Sombra: s ok ;)

Jesse McCree: so is tjis a thing now r we only using these

Sombra: ;)

Jesse McCree: ok takin that as a yes 

Jesse McCree: how am I still drunk I don't 

Jesse McCree: shuwndi

Sombra: r u ok 

Jesse McCree: I jsut fkcing remembered

Jesse McCree: ht was rly funny when u sang the whole goofy goober song 

Jesse McCree: tho u kinda mixed english and spnish like a lot 

Sombra: that wasnt me that was you jes

Jesse McCree: oh yea

Sombra: ....hey

Jesse McCree: 

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: oh no

Jesse McCree: I know u only sent a hey but uh I am afraid 

Sombra: y 

Jesse McCree: I feel like ur going 2 send me somth weird or freaky like anthro planes with huge dicks or ultrarealistic sonic porn 

Jesse McCree: I had to see bth of these things and I.never want to see anythng like that again 

Sombra: 

Sombra: I m not going to send any of tht

Jesse McCree: good 

Sombra:

Sombra: however I may one day send hacker porn if we keep this friendship

Jesse McCree: no

Jesse McCree: NOOOOEJDJEJD

Jesse McCree: what even is hacker PORN I dont why 

Sombra: well o mean its

Sombra: I've gone off track.i want your help 

Sombra: so uh there's ths

Sombra: girl 

Jesse McCree: <|:0

Sombra: and I kind of wnted ur help bc I've never talked to her nd I want to make a good first impression 

Jesse McCree: ha well consider yourself luckY

Jesse McCree: caus they don't call me a bad ass moTHER FUCKer for NOTHING 

Jesse McCree: so LISTN 2 me cause I simply have the BEST advice

Sombra: k

Jesse McCree: but u gotta do exactly what I say ok 

Sombra: k 

Jesse McCree: <|:)

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Sombra and @Satya Vaswani _

 

Sombra: two to the one from the one to the three 

Satya Vaswani: Uh.Greetings?

Satya Vaswani: Who are you.

Sombra: I like good pussy and I like good trees

Satya Vaswani: What?!

Satya Vaswani: Trees?!

Satya Vaswani: Who are you.

Satya Vaswani: I do not recall having any contacts with your name.Nor knowing someone with such a foul mouth.

Sombra: LSITNE I know everything about you 

Sombra: youre magazine,

Satya Vaswani: You...You're magazine?You are calling me a magazine?

Sombra: your magazine.

Satya Vaswani: Oh.I understand.

Sombra: Well I saw it,

Sombra: and am a fan,

Sombra: hi Amiga 

Satya Vaswani: ...

Satya Vaswani: Hello?

Satya Vaswani: I'm sorry.What is your name?How did you find my personal phone number?

Sombra: hey I know stuff

Sombra: i dont want to invade ur space 

Sombra:

Sombra: wrow

Sombra: your like the second friend I make tonight tjiss good

Sombra: my good friend mxree and I are having q great time right now thanks for asking 

Satya Vaswani: I do not know you,and if you don't tell me who you are I'll block you and delete this contact.

Sombra: I'm friend 

Satya Vaswani: You are not my friend,and again I do not know you.

Satya Vaswani: You have wasted my time.

Satya Vaswani: I will block you.Do not contact me again.

 

_ Satya Vaswani has disconnected _

 

Sombra: whis come on 

Sombra: rh satyaaaaa I jsut wanted to say hi and tell you ur cute 

Sombra: :,(

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Lucioh and @D.Va _

_ D.Va has reconnected  _

 

D.Va: Hey games

 

_ Lucioh has reconnected  _

 

Lucioh: hey Hana!!

Lucioh: How are you??How did the commercial go?

Lucioh: Also what do you mean by hey games

D.Va: I meant hey gameRs

D.Va: let me just 

 

_ D.Va has disconnected  _

_ D.Va has reconnected  _

 

D.Va: hey gamers

Lucioh: dude was that really necessary?

D.Va: yes

Lucioh: why are you addressing me like I'm more than one person tho 

Lucioh: this is a privt chat there's only one person here and that's me 

D.Va: hey gamer

Lucioh:

Lucioh: ok  _ anyways? _

Lucioh: tell me how the commercial went!im curious dude 

D.Va: Yea it was cool 

D.Va: When is your show starting 

Lucioh: uh I still have like an hour or so 

Lucioh: Oh man I'm sooo ready!!

Lucioh: Why you ask tho?

D.Va: I promised my dad that I would play Starcraft with him but I'll reschedule it 

Lucioh: <:0 why?

D.Va: I have a meeting to go 3:

Lucioh: oh Hana that sucks dude :(

Lucioh: What's the meeting about??

D.Va: boring business stuff (｡-_-｡)

Lucioh: XD

D.Va: don't 

Lucioh: ?

D.Va: don't "XD" me 

Lucioh: what's wrong w XD

D.Va: everything 

D.Va: hey we should create a group for us

Lucioh: 

Lucioh: but who are you going to add?i dont think we have any friends in common 

D.Va: nah itll be just you and me for now

D.Va: which reminds me you got the invitation right

Lucioh: to what?

D.Va: over hatch

Lucioh: Oh!

Lucioh: Yea I did!But Im not sure yet if...I dont know

D.Va: yea im kinda on the same page for now

D.Va: but like in case we do we could use our group to speak w our teammates :3

Lucioh: you have a point!

Lucioh: ok go ahead X3

D.Va: PLEASE stop using X as eyes for your emojis

Lucioh: I dont know why you dislike them so much >:(

D.Va: theyre cursed

 

_ D.Va created the group Game On _

_ D.va added Lucioh to Game On _

 

Lucioh: Hm 

Lucioh: Why is the title videogame related tho?

D.Va: cause I created the group

Lucioh: can i change it

D.Va: I mean yea?

 

_ Lucioh has changed the groups name from Game On to Drop The Beat _

 

Lucioh: :)

D.Va: lucio

Lucioh: me

D.Va: if it cant be videogame related it cant be music related either 

Lucioh: :(

D.Va: wait I got it

 

_ D.Va has changed the groups name from Drop The Beat to Hey Gamers _

 

Lucioh: you just said it cant be videogame related!!!!!!

D.Va: this isnt 100% videogame related 3:<

Lucioh: it is!

 

_ Lucioh has changed the groups name from Hey Gamers to Frogs Are Perfect _

 

D.Va: rabbits are perfect too what is this

Lucioh: ok then so

 

_ Lucioh has changed the groups name from Frogs Are Perfect to Frogs AND Rabbits Are Perfect _

 

D.Va: its kinda

D.Va: idk

D.Va: just

D.Va: looks bad scoob 

Lucioh: :( i dont have any other ideas

D.Va: I KNOW WHAT TO DO

 

_ D.Va has changed the groups name from Frogs AND Rabbits Are Perfect to This Group Is Too Good To Have A Name _

 

Lucioh: :0

Lucioh: it has a nice ring!good job

D.Va: :3 Yea im just really great 

Lucioh: but why is it so great

D.Va: cause were here duh

Lucioh: holy shit thanks??

D.Va: anyways I gotta go i have a meeting remember

Lucioh: oh yea!!

Lucioh: bye!!have a good meeting dude haha uwu

Lucioh: Well I guess I'll start working on some tunes 

 

_ Lucioh has disconnected  _

 

D.Va: :3c

 

_ D.Va has disconnected  _

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Sombra and @Jesse McCree _

 

Sombra: hey

Sombra: hey McCree

Sombra: macdonalds

Sombra: Big Mac 

Sombra: McCree

Sombra: hey 

Sombra: hey hey 

Sombra: oi

Sombra: HEY

 

_ Jesse McCree has reconnected  _

 

Jesse McCree: hwdyk

Sombra: hey jessi

Jesse McCree: hye friwnd

Sombra: so I talk

Sombra: I talked to her,

Sombra: it didn't work,

Sombra: you suck at advuce

Jesse McCree: sorr im  _ kinda _ single remembr 

Sombra:

Sombra: yea u _kinda_ **didnt tell me that until now**

Jesse McCree: btws I drank more I am going to  **die** tomorrw

Jesse McCree: wy are we textin agin

Sombra: I don't want h 

Sombra: drink guy to know about my drama ok

Jesse McCree: th drink guy 

Sombra: u know what I'm takking about 

Jesse McCree: I dont actually 

Sombra: th

Sombra: drink guy!!!!

Sombra: dude who servd us the drnks

Sombra: you know who I'm about 

Jesse McCree: who s that

Sombra: IM BILINGUAL OK I FORGET WORDS SOMETIMS

Sombra: FJDJDJ THE DUDE WHO SERVED DRINKS!!!I DONT REMEMBER HOW DO YO CALL IT

Jesse McCree: Sombra we arnnt even on the bar anymor??????

Sombra:

Sombra: I

Sombra: I forgt

Sombra: I am STILL upset about drink guy I comoltlg FORGOT what it's called 

Sombra: Motherfucking Drink guy jesus christ fuck dude motherfucking fuckung ALCOHOL bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit

Sombra: Goddamn served us drinks and fucking WHISKY and shit right fucking dude w the drinks goddamn goofy goober fuck yo shit i can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck i just drank drinks fuck Drink Guy man

Jesse McCree: r u ok u wanna talk abt somh else

Sombra: No man i'll just talk about this drink man all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit i have to say cause he gave us DRINKS fuck dude how did I forgET fuck Drink man he fucked over or did the FUCK this guy who served us i don't like dying i can't think of who the fucking name of the job this dude has all i can think is the drink man 

Jesse McCree: I.cnnt tell if tjis is a copy pasta or u actually typed d thi all out 

Sombra: it both 

Sombra: well I am tired and m actual gf won't reply 2 m so I guess I will sleep 

Sombra: God by

Jesse McCree: nice 2 meet u I gues

Sombra: boo p ;)

 

_ Sombra has disconnected _

 

Jesse McCree: <I:(

 

_ Jesse McCree has disconnected _

 

\--

 

_ Lucioh has reconnected _

_ There are people online on This Group Is Too Good To Have A Name again _

 

Lucioh: hey guess what happened

Lucioh: my agent just told me someone wants to talk to me???lo

Lucioh:

Lucioh: HANA DVA SONG I CANNOT BELIVE YOU

 

_ D.Va has reconnected  _

 

D.Va: >:3

D.Va: I hope you like cameos lucio cause tonight I'll be joining your show o(｀ω´ )o

Lucioh: JEIXJDKEODID HOW?????WHEN?????HANA I HOW 

D.Va: ;3

 

_ D.Va has disconnected _

 

Lucioh: FWYHNIU/?.P´??,0O

 

\--

 

_ Road(^-@-^) has reconnected _

_ There are people online on FUN TIMES WITH MY FAVORITE HOG again _

_ Road(^-@-^) has changed the groups name from  FUN TIMES WITH MY FAVORITE HOG to Fun times with my favorite rat. _

  
  


Road(^-@-^): _ @Junkrat _

Road(^-@-^): Good morning

 

_ Junkrat has reconnected _

 

Junkrat: gday

Junkrat: hey where

Junkrat: HOg??where are you????!?!

Road(^-@-^): I had to leave our hotel to get us some food.Sorry.

Road(^-@-^): Also im wearing a disguise.dont worry.

Junkrat: oh

Junkrat: ye scared me here hog

Road(^-@-^): Sorry.

Junkrat: also did you put me in the bed i have no memory of goinbg to bed last night

Road(^-@-^): Yes.I put you there when I woke up.

Road(^-@-^): Also did...did you pass out while working on the plan 

Junkrat: why you ask

Road(^-@-^): because the pen was somehow glued to your forehead.

Junkrat: oh 

Junkrat: roadhoooo g how long until you get home!!!!!!!!!!

Road(^-@-^): Im going to pay for the food now.

Junkrat: GET SOME BOBBA TEA FOR ME P L E A S E

Road(^-@-^): Ill try to.

Road(^-@-^): But just a warning,Before we go Ill remove my nail polish

Junkrat: ooh we should paint our nails today road!!!like w green and red!!!!

Road(^-@-^): I had the same idea but i couldnt find any cheap nail polish today.sorry.

Road(^-@-^): We can do it later,though.

Junkrat: hhhhhh ok

Road(^-@-^): Im heading to the hotel now.

Junkrat: HUrrYYYYY come on!!!!!its holiday time Roadles!!!!

Road(^-@-^): ok.

Junkrat: but you gotta let me drive the bike this time!!

Road(^-@-^): no.

Junkrat: roadie pleeeease!!!!!

Road(^-@-^): no.

Junkrat: road how can I make it a surprise if you're riding it mate???

Junkrat: come on!!!

Road(^-@-^): ...

Road(^-@-^): .

Junkrat: please!!!!!

Road(^-@-^): ...

Road(^-@-^): Alright.fine.

Junkrat: THANKS MATE

Road(^-@-^): do you even know how to drive?

Junkrat: I actually DO!!

Road(^-@-^): do you remember how to?

Junkrat: Yea roadie,I do!!!

Junkrat: come on,yer gotta trust me!!!

Road(^-@-^): fine.

Junkrat: also I'm gonna give ya a blindfold 

Junkrat: I want it to be a real big surprise!!!

Road(^-@-^): ok.

Road(^-@-^): I'm going to trust you on this.

Junkrat: won't be disappointed!!

Road(^-@-^): but.

Junkrat: but what

Road(^-@-^): youll have to wear a shirt.

Junkrat: what

Road(^-@-^): youre going to get soot on the bikes seat.

Road(^-@-^): thats my condition

Junkrat: urghbjmkdvcl

Junkrat: FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ok Ill wear a damn shirt 

Junkrat: are you happy now mate

Road(^-@-^): Yes.

Junkrat:

Junkrat: well if yer happy im happy!!

Road(^-@-^): Im here.

Junkrat:  **TIME TO BLOW SHIT UP**

Road(^-@-^): what about the cops?

Junkrat: oh ye

Junkrat: ok so

Junkrat:  **TIME TO** **_NOT_ ** **BLOW SHIT UP**

 

-

 

Road(^-@-^): Jamison.

Junkrat: EHIS PUT THE BLINDFOLD BACK DONT LOOK ROADHOG COME ON

Road(^-@-^): it's been one hour.

Road(^-@-^): and I have the impression were driving in circles.

Junkrat: IM JUST TAKING A SHORTCUT

Road(^-@-^): by driving in circles

Road(^-@-^): was that a police car

Junkrat: NO???

Road(^-@-^): I can see.why are there so many police cars.

Road(^-@-^): what did you do.

Junkrat: OK LISTEN MATE 

Junkrat: I MAYBE

Junkrat: KINDA?

Junkrat: GOT LOST 

Junkrat: SO I LOOKED AT MY LEG TO REMEMBER AND IT WAS GONE????????

Junkrat: THAT SHITTY PEN INK WASHED AWAY AND I FORGOT THE PLAN SO I PANICKED 

Junkrat: MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE EXPLODED SOME BOMBS WHILE HAVING ME BREAKDOWN???

Junkrat: MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BLOWN UP SOME COPS TOO?????

Junkrat: MAY OR MAY NOT BE LOST????WHO KNOWS!!

Junkrat: ALSO JUST ASKIN DIDNT YOU HEAR ANY EXPLOSIONS?

Road(^-@-^): I was asleep.

Road(^-@-^): Jamison.

Junkrat: NOOO MATE I GOTTA!!!I GOTTA REMEMBER THE PLAN AND

Road(^-@-^): pull over.

Junkrat: what 

Road(^-@-^): Listen.

Road(^-@-^): it's ok.just pull over.

Junkrat: there ar cops Roadles

Road(^-@-^): I'll deal with them.

Junkrat: thanks mate 

Junkrat: but

Junkrat: what about my surprise!!!roadhog what about 

Junkrat: listen I FORGOT but I can still!!!

Road(^-@-^): no,don't worry.

Road(^-@-^): We don't need a plan.lets just do how we always do

Road(^-@-^): I'll need your help getting rid of these policeman though.

Junkrat: no worries mate!!

Junkrat: I'll hook em!

Junkrat: 

Junkrat: Roadles

Road(^-@-^): and I'll cook em.

Junkrat: YEA MATE THATS WHAT IM ABOU

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Ana Amari and @Jack Morrison _

_ Ana Amari has reconnected _

 

Ana Amari: hey im going out do u want anything

 

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected _

 

Jack Morrison: w...where are you going?ana you shouldnt go out,people might recognize you

Ana Amari: I need some air.

Ana Amari: no one will recognize me.

Ana Amari: im on the bus right now.

Jack Morrison: Oh.

Jack Morrison: Well be careful.

Ana Amari: do u want anything

Jack Morrison: well I wouldnt mind something sweet from the streets!

Ana Amari: well too bad cause i wont buy it

Jack Morrison:

Jack Morrison: then why did you ask if I wanted anything?

Ana Amari: I forgot my money

Ana Amari: sorry lol

Jack Morrison: Oh.

Jack Morrison: alright.

Ana Amari: So are you going to join them

Jack Morrison: who?

Jack Morrison: Overwatch?

Ana Amari: yea who else lol??

Jack Morrison: they didnt invite me.they think im dead.

Ana Amari: i mean you could offer your help and join again lo

Jack Morrison:

Jack Morrison: hm.

Ana Amari: think about it

Jack Morrison: what about you?

Ana Amari: My situation is more complicated.

Ana Amari: Fareeha...I dont even know what her reaction is going to be.

Ana Amari: …

Ana Amari: I think I need some time alone.see you later.

Jack Morrison: sure.

 

_ Ana Amari has disconnected _

_ Jack Morrison has disconnected _

 

\--

 

_ Private Chat between @Sombra and @Jesse McCree _

_ Sombra has reconnected _

 

Sombra:  **THE BARMAN**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!so thx for reading again!!!  
> ALSO im bilingual(is that how you say it???) and like thats why I wrote the whole barman deal w sombra bc thats a thing that happens and I ACTUALLY forgot what a barman was called (also forgot abt blindfold and nail polish yufhvdnxc)!!BUT even tho im latinx and billingual im not mexican so PLEA S E if Im overstepping my boundaries let me know!!!  
> My tumblr is sombraslesbian,feel free to message me there uwu


	7. were almost there boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey oh boy were almost at the present days oh fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael Chus spirit,crying and begging: my story is 100% serious stop,,,making my characters so whacky ...,,jsut follow my lore,,  
> Me,holding Jeff Kaplan at gunpoint and shoving an entire shoe in my mouth as I write: reaper has an evil twin brother called gorbriel Ross Jack Morrison is into is anime armpits and torbjron is real and killed me behind arbys.all of this is canon
> 
> Yall im so sorry for taking so long the past weeks have been so...diuhud im dead i hate school and i hate life  
> Ok so!!FINALLY we got to the point where actual Overwatch's going on  
> So in this chapter ironically no one new is here YET,this is kinda of a set up as people slowly join overhatch  
> So as always there's mercy and 76 hate,and gency hate?fuck I guess i might as well call this fic “fuck grandpa piss and angle especially”  
> also genyatta but its just mentioned lel

 

 

_ Genji Shimada created the group Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Genji Shimada added Jesse McCree,Lena Oxton,Torbjörn Lindholm,Reinhardt Wilhelm and Winston to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: hey 

Genji Shimada: since we're kinda getting back together I decided we need a group chat again 

Genji Shimada: so @yall you're welcome 

Torbjörn Lindholm: There's some people missing here.

Genji Shimada: like who 

Jesse McCree: Genji didn't you invite like two people to join us 

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: oh yeah 

Genji Shimada: I'll add them when I get to the base but for now

Genji Shimada: let us all enjoy some nostalgia 

Lena Oxton: where's Mei 

Genji Shimada: ok so apparently not only did I forget about tornjon but I also forgot about Mei 

 

_ Genji Shimada added Mei-Ling Zhou to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Torbjörn Lindholm: you forgot about me???

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: no???

Genji Shimada: I forgot about  TORNJORN not  _ THORBJOR _ get it right 

Jesse McCree: iJuJWNDJIEIDJui

Genji Shimada: what 

Torbjörn Lindholm: how did you misspell my name!!!!!ITS RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!YOU ADDED ME HERE!!!!!!

Genji Shimada: oh lol 

Genji Shimada: in my defense I tried like 20 different variations before I finally got your fmcing name right 

Torbjörn Lindholm: >:(

Jesse McCree: there's still people missing tho 

Genji Shimada: like who

Jesse McCree: you didn't add Angela 

Genji Shimada: yeah that one was on purpose

Lena Oxton: Genji she's part of overwatch too though you have to add her luv 

Genji Shimada: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hhhhrhhhhhhHhhhhhhhhhrhhrhhhhhhhhjhhhhhh

 

_ Genji Shimada added Angela Ziegler to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: I hate this 

Angela Ziegler: hello everyone

Reinhardt Wilhelm: hello!

Torbjörn Lindholm: hi there :)

Angela Ziegler: What is this exactly?

Jesse McCree: we're creating a group chat for us again 

Jesse McCree: but Genji wants to be nostalgic or somth and only added the people who were here before 

Genji Shimada: I'm going to add the new people when they get to the base ok!!!!!!!let me live 

Lena Oxton: Genji not again 

Genji Shimada: I LITERALLY WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS JOKE 

Jesse McCree: you know what you should do

Jesse McCree: add Fareeha,

Genji Shimada: she wasn't a member of overwatch 

Genji Shimada: however you just reminded me I have to add some nice fellas 

 

_ Genji Shimada added Jack Morrison,Ana Amari and Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: there everyones here

Jesse McCree: NEJDJEND GENJI WHY DID YOU ADD THE ENEMY?!?!!

Jesse McCree: REAPER IS OUR ENEMY JE WORKS WITH TALON GENJI WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!?!?

Lena Oxton: :/

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :/

Torbjörn Lindholm: :/

Angela Ziegler: so uh

Jesse McCree: what 

Jesse McCree: why are y'all so chill with this he's the enemy 

Jesse McCree: he fkcing??????!?are y'all kidding me he's the ENEMY 

Jesse McCree: I thought you would add Jack Ana and  _ Gabe _ for shits and giggles not Jack Ana and  **REAPER** AKA OUR ENEMY??????

Genji Shimada: I literally did that Jesse 

Genji Shimada: did no one tell him lol 

Lena Oxton: I thought he knew?

Genji Shimada: wrow

Jesse McCree: what the FUCK is going on!!!!

Genji Shimada: Reaper is Gabe Jesse 

Jesse McCree: what 

Genji Shimada: Gabe isn't dead apparently 

Jesse McCree: nice joke 

Jesse McCree: I SAW reaper that ain't Gabe 

Genji Shimada: yea you can thank Anglea for that :)

Jesse McCree: what 

Jesse McCree: this is RIDICULOUS Gabe isn't 

 

_ Reaper has reconnected  _

 

Jesse McCree: w

Reaper: hey.

Genji Shimada: hey reaper tell me are you Gabe 

Reaper:

 

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: DONT FUCKIBG IGNORE ME???

 

_ Genji Shimada added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Genji Shimada added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Genji Shimada added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Genji Shimada added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

_ Genji Shimada added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: DONT BE FUCKING RUDE

 

_ Reaper has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: aaaaaand  **he blocked me.** **_great_ **

Jesse McCree: no let me add him

Jesse McCree: cause I want to know what the fuck is going on now!!!!!!

 

_ Jesse McCree added Reaper to Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Jesse McCree: LISTEN HERE """"REAPER"""""""

Jesse McCree: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU EXACTLY?!

Reaper:

Reaper: I'm not Gabriel.

Angela Ziegler: :/

Reaper: why is  **she** here.

Reaper: haven't you ruined my life enough 

Genji Shimada: whoop there it is 

Jesse McCree:YH7WE8!!?!!?!!!!!$$/$JUYTR653YHTR

€€$3$3NSDISJCKCICIDIIEJDNSKXGSSWHQT?!???!???!?!?,?????!!?!!???!!!?

Reaper: that doesn't mean anything.

Reaper: Gabriel Reyes is dead.

Genji Shimada: lol 

Jesse McCree: WHO ARE YOU!!!

Jesse McCree: Reaper

Jesse McCree: who are you 

Jesse McCree: if you're Gabe I 

Jesse McCree: fuck 

Reaper: I'm not Gabriel.

Jesse McCree: then who are you 

Reaper: I'm 

Reaper: I'm not Gabriel anymore.

Jesse McCree:

Genji Shimada: hey sorry to break the moment but uh shouldn't you two discuss his like in person instead of by chat 

Jesse McCree: I...I guess 

Jesse McCree: I

Jesse McCree: I think I need a minute

Genji Shimada: it's ok buddy 

Genji Shimada: but hey can you uh ask Reaper to unblock me pls thx

Jesse McCree: Ok

Jesse McCree:  _ @Reaper _ can you unblock Genji please.

Jesse McCree: this can't get any worse 

 

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected  _

 

Jack Morrison: ??

Reaper: oh no

Genji Shimada: ok I didn't know about  **that** one 

Lena Oxton: ejjdjgh everyone knew about it Genji 

Jesse McCree: YALL WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

Jesse McCree: @GOD I WASNT TESTING YOU TO MAKE IT WORSE??????!????!!

Lena Oxton: ...except for Jesse

 

_ Jack Morrison has changed their username to Soldier 76 _

 

Soldier 76: That's better.

Genji Shimada: hey um since when are you alive

Soldier 76: We soldiers are hard to kill.

Reaper: stop stealing my new aesthetic 

Soldier 76:

Soldier 76: why.

Soldier 76: why is he here?!?

Genji Shimada: fuck it really is Jack he ends everything with punctuation 

Reaper: also  _ @Genji Shimada _ I have unblocked you.

Genji Shimada: thanks 

Soldier 76: ???????

Soldier 76: Genji how could you add him to this group?!???

Soldier 76: he's our enemy!!!!!!!you are betraying us!!!!!!

Genji Shimada: well I mean technically we haven't exactly gotten together so we're not  **exactly ACTUALLY REAAALLy** overwatch 

Genji Shimada: sooooooo he's not our enemy 

Genji Shimada: ( *｀ω´)

Soldier 76: this is ridiculous!!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: How are we already fighting 

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **I BURIED YOU TWO**

Lena Oxton: ...apparently rein didn't know about it either 

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **I SPOKE AT YOUR FUNERALS**

Reinhardt Wilhelm: **I VISITED YOUR GRAVES EVERY WEEK!!!!!!!**

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **I I CRIED SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!**

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **WHERE WERE YOU TWO ALL THIS TIME!!?!?!!??**

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE DEAD**

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **WHATS NEXT?!?!?!WILL YOU TELL ME ANA IS ALIVE AS WELL?!?!??**

Soldier 76: so yeah about that,

Reaper:  **r**

Jesse McCree: exvusiExcuse me @God are you drunk 

Lena Oxton: ok I didn't know about that,

Torbjörn Lindholm: how

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **AAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

 

_ Ana Amari has reconnected  _

 

Ana Amari: hey gamers what's going on in this thread 

Reinhardt Wilhelm:  **AAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!??!!?!!?!!?!!!?**

Ana Amari: hey 

Reaper: i

Ana Amari: oh hey shadow 

Reaper: why does everyone keep calling me shadow 

Jesse McCree:  **ANA SINCE HOW WHY HWJDJ WHAT?!??**

Ana Amari: h

Ana Amari: h,ey Jesse

Ana Amari: so uh hi everyone 

Ana Amari: long time no see uh haha 

Genji Shimada: I am so sorry about all of this @yall 

Ana Amari: ok I 

Ana Amari: I guess I have a lot to explain

Ana Amari: actually WE have a lot to explain 

Soldier 76: I don't.

Ana Amari: yes you do and so do you reaper 

Reaper: I won't say Jack.

Genji Shimada: behsjJSKDKDK

JNjJNEJDKMXIXUCJCJDK

Soldier 76: fuck off.

Ana Amari: haha 

Soldier 76: Ana you're supposed to be on my side!!

Ana Amari: I'm going to quote tolojorns on this one 

Ana Amari: I follow the side the drama goes

Ana Amari: it was smth like that

Torbjörn Lindholm: haha thanks!

Torbjörn Lindholm:  **I thought you were fucking dead where were you**

Ana Amari: fgghhff yea about that 

Ana Amari: so uh here's a suggestion 

Ana Amari: we should discuss this like in person 

Genji Shimada: yea I said that earlier

Ana Amari: see this is why I like Genji 

Ana Amari: also

Ana Amari: @Jesse did you marry him yet 

Genji Shimada: sorry to say Ana but I have a boyfriend 

Ana Amari: a shame 

Ana Amari: but congratulations Genji 

Jesse McCree: ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGNORE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Ana Amari: I mean.yes 

Ana Amari: like I said we all need to meetup and talk 

Reaper: oh yeah because we can just do that.

Ana Amari: we'll find a way 

Ana Amari: listen everyone 

Ana Amari: we are going to deal with this 

Ana Amari: but since all of old overwatch is here we should all forget about it for now and just.talk

Ana Amari: what do y'all say 

Reaper: this is a mess

Soldier 76:  **no.**

Genji Shimada: yea it was literally my initial idea 

Jesse McCree: I

Lena Oxton: :/

Reinhardt Wilhelm: hm

Torbjörn Lindholm: hjjhhhh

Angela Ziegler: I disagree.

Ana Amari: well Genji agrees so 

Ana Amari: :)

Jesse McCree: whatever 

Soldier 76: this isn't right.

Jesse McCree: hm

Jesse McCree: what does 76 stand for anyways

Genji Shimada: that's how old he is 

Jack Morrison: I'm not that old.

Genji Shimada: I mean you literally are lol 

Soldier 76: I'm not 76!!!Im 

Soldier 76:

Soldier 76: around...50 and 60 years

Ana Amari: **oh my fucking god** **_do you not know your own fucking_ ** **_AGE_ **

Genji Shimada: Jack you just proved my point lmao 

Lena Oxton: I think it stands for all the nicknames we gave him!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: it stands for all the group chats he ruined because he publicly told the press about our passwords 

Reaper: it stands for all the times he suggested that someone should drink more water so it would cure their depression.

Jesse McCree: Nah it's WAY more than 76 times 

Ana Amari: it stands for all the times we made fun of him 

Soldier 76: ......Ok.

Soldier 76:  _ @Lena Oxton _ THOSE ARE RIDICULOUS AND I WILL NOT ACCEPT THEM.

Soldier 76:  _ @Torbjörn Lindholm _ SHUT UP!!!!THAT WAS ONE!!!!!!!TIME!!!!!!!!!IT WASNT EVEN MY FAULT!!!!!!

Soldier 76:  _ @Jesse McCree _ SHUT UP AS WELL!!!!!!

Soldier 76: and  _ @Ana Amari  _ WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY AGAISNT ME?!

Jesse McCree: wow these are real good arguments 

Soldier 76: AND FINALLY """REAPER"""  _ WHY _ ARE  **YOU** GIVING YOUR OPINION ON THIS YOURE LITERALLY THE ENEMY!!!!!

Soldier 76: REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS GROUP IMMEDIATELY.

Angela Ziegler: 76 stands for all the times I saved you in battle while you were trying to be the hero.

Genji Shimada: hey hmmmm Anglea you're not exactly the best life saver lel 

Reaper: 76 stands for all the people Angela experimented on without their consent.

Genji Shimada: OH HO HO HOOOOOOO **OOOOOOOOOOOO**

Soldier 76: i can't believe as soon as I got here everyone went from actual professionals to complete idiots!!this is a nightmare.

Genji Shimada: the discourse was here before you arrived janck

Jesse McCree: your not all that.png

Reaper: You're just a self centered as I remember.Wow.

Soldier 76: You're just as obnoxious as I remember.

Soldier 76: why are you still here.

Reaper: they added me here.

Reaper: why are you copying my way of speaking.

Ana Amari: anybody in this thread smoke weed.

Jesse McCree: anyone here speak like a normal person 

Torbjörn Lindholm: yeehaw look w'hose speakin yall

Genji Shimada: he törbled 

Ana Amari: hëÿ gæmërś ïm tørbörñ płś šüb 2 mÿ ÿöūtûbê çhåñńēł öwõ

Torbjörn Lindholm: I don't speak like that!!

Lena Oxton: ōwö whätś thįš

Genji Shimada: Lena don't bring that back actually 

Torbjörn Lindholm: my name is not torborn also!!!or tørbörñ,trombone,toblerone or torbo OR JRIENDKD !!!ITS TORBJÖRN!!!

Ana Amari: toebjorn.

Torbjörn Lindholm: Why did I accept the recall 

Jesse McCree: toebjorn is real actually 

Lena Oxton: it's his evil twin brother 

Jesse McCree: yes 

Jesse McCree: the only difference 

is instead of using sentries he attacks people with his long toes

Soldier 76: is this what overwatch has become.

Angela Ziegler: it's always been like this lol shut up 

Genji Shimada: this is the only time in my life I am going to say this but I agree with angle here 

Genji Shimada: also @torojrn how did you understand anas cryptic message 

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: gamers I think we all know what we're dealing with here 

Ana Amari: oh

Reinhardt Wilhelm: :0 ??

Angela Ziegler: not this again...

Lena Oxton: YES 

Soldier 76: why are you calling us gamers?

Soldier 76: life isn't a game.

Ana Amari: why is the personification of call of duty saying that djdjjxnx

Genji Shimada: bajdf

Lena Oxton: TORBORN IS A CRYPT

Torbjörn Lindholm: what 

Torbjörn Lindholm: JACK MORRISON is the crypt of overwatch not ME

Soldier 76: Jack Morrison is dead.LONG dead.

Reaper: why do you keep stealing my aesthetic 

Soldier 76: oh I'm sorry I didn't know you had copyrighted being a half dead badass.

Ana Amari: @yall I had to deal w this daily 

Genji Shimada: this is the worst sentence I've ever read

Genji Shimada: a badass you say 

Genji Shimada:  **a bamf**

Genji Shimada: wait no 

Ana Amari: bad ass mhalf fdead

Genji Shimada: thanks Ana 

Lena Oxton: Nanejjdud HEIDN

Jesse McCree: I genuinely can't tell if you two are makin fun of me or him rn 

Torbjörn Lindholm: see that's WHY he was the crypt in the first place 

Torbjörn Lindholm: >:(

Genji Shimada: here let's vote 

Ana Amari: every time we vote for something it's always to fuck with Jack anyone notice that 

Genji Shimada: really?cute  

Soldier 76: you can't make me a crypt again.

Reaper: they can

Soldier 76: literally why are you still here!!!!

Reaper: I'm stealing your brand of staying in places I'm not wanted.

Jesse McCree: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Genji Shimada: well if Jack Morrison wasn't dead THEN he sure is dead NOW

Lena Oxton: I can't believe gabe fucking killed Jack 

Torbjörn Lindholm: took him long enough!

Reaper: I'm not gabe

Ana Amari: don't start you too god 

Reaper: I'm reaper.

Ana Amari: GOOOOOOD

Ana Amari: jsut stop you two stop please this is ridiculous 

Genji Shimada: I feel so sorry for the people who are going to join us soon

Soldier 76: question.

Soldier 76: WHY IS REAPER STILL HERE?!

Reaper: my city now.

Soldier 76: GET OUT!!!!YOURE OUR ENEMY

Genji Shimada: we have to vote remember 

Genji Shimada: let's uh make this quick 

Jesse McCree: I vote yes 

Ana Amari: same

Genji Shimada: can

Genji Shimada: can I finish?

Genji Shimada: anyways let's vote say yes if reaper should stay and if you agree to make Jack WHOOOPS I MEAN **soldier seventy six.** a crypt again 

Jesse McCree: say no and y'all will  get  _ these hands!! _

Genji Shimada: I appreciate the sentiment McCree thank you 

Genji Shimada: also I vote yes so we got three votes 

Genji Shimada: Lena I'm going to assume you're going to vote yes too yea 

Lena Oxton: :/

Genji Shimada: what

Lena Oxton: I mean...y'all forgot about the museum mission?

Jesse McCree: oh yeah

Lena Oxton: Like guys.He works with Talon 

Genji Shimada: alright 

Genji Shimada: but 

Genji Shimada: are you really going to pass the opportunity to have our favorite crypt back 

Lena Oxton:

Lena Oxton: ok I vote yes 

Genji Shimada: :)

Soldier 76: JEJDIDJ GENJI YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!YOU CANT!!!!

Torbjörn Lindholm: Yes 

Angela Ziegler: no

Reaper: wow doc.i couldn't imagine why you wouldn't want to be around me.

Reaper: you don't want to remember the mess you made 

Reaper: Also I vote yes.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: friends we can't do this!!He is our enemy and we must stay safe here!!

Reinhardt Wilhelm: I vote no!

Genji Shimada: K 

Genji Shimada: is Winston even in this group 

Lena Oxton: I mean you added him but he isn't online  

Genji Shimada: ok honestly we already won so like I Am Not Going To Wait For His Vote?

Soldier 76: well how about MY vote?!

Genji Shimada: this is ABOUT you you can't vote

Soldier 76: How come reaper could then?!this is ALSO about him!!!

Genji Shimada: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Jesse McCree: it's because he's cool and you're not 

Reaper: I don't know why you think I could get anything out of this.

Reaper: I used these chats before I know we never discuss anything even remotely useful.

Reaper: What would I even  _ tell _ Talon.

Genji Shimada: "hey uh guys those.those darn overwatches are at it again making their leaders crypts.second time huh."

Jesse McCree: remember years ago when we discussed the possibility of someone from Talon invading this 

Reaper: I can't believe I'm the entirety of Talon now.

Jesse McCree: HjwndiJueiiejdoKEKKEieeid

Soldier 76: so are we really doing this.are we really rolling with this.

Jesse McCree: I mean yeah 

Genji Shimada: overwatch rolled with you so this isn't even our lowest point 

Lena Oxton: LOVE HOLY SHIT

Soldier 76: so after all those years you all are still pilling up on me 

Jesse McCree: *yall 

Soldier 76: *You all.

Soldier: You all are not going to pile up on me again.This time,we're taking this seriously.

Lena Oxton: *Yall are not

Genji Shimada: *You all ain't 

Ana Amari: *Yall ain't 

Jesse McCree: * **YAINT**

Soldier 76: Im going to quit overwatch and join Talon 

Soldier 76: I am so tired 

Genji Shimada: he's so tired he forgot the punctuation 

Reaper: Did you forget I'm the entirety of Talon.

Reaper: You'll have to work for and with me.

Soldier 76: Nevermind.

Soldier 76: I'm going to create my own organization parallel to overwatch.

Reaper: That's a great idea actually.

Soldier 76: thanks?

Reaper: you know I have an idea for a name.

Soldier 76: really?

Reaper: blackwatch.

Soldier 76: that's not bad actual

Soldier 76:

Soldier 76: fuck you

Reaper: ha.

Soldier 76: you just HAD to go there didn't you!!!

Reaper: you kinda fell for it.

Soldier 76: Blackwatch was a mistake.

Reaper: I mean.yeah.

Genji Shimada: hey uh are you two done.like is it over 

Reaper: Yeah.

Soldier 76: no!!

Soldier 76: I won't be done until he leaves the group!

Soldier 76: this is ridiculous!!

Ana Amari: dude chill just wait until like

Ana Amari: when are we ending this group exactly

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: listen I doubt anyone will agree with my idea but 

Genji Shimada: its going to be so fucking funny so please listen

Genji Shimada: ok so in some days ill add my bro and my bf here

Genji Shimada: so heres my plan

Genji Shimada: what if we like act like a real professional chat group

Jesse McCree: wym

Genji Shimada: like

Genji Shimada: perfect grammar,no swearing no weed jokes no nothing

Genji Shimada: i REALLy want to see their reaction

Lena Oxton: what about reaper

Genji Shimada: THATS THE BEST PART

Genji Shimada: reapgabe ill need you to do the same as us

Genji Shimada: i mean can you just imagine entering a group and the ENEMY is there and hes a fine classy man

Reaper: dont call me reapgabe

Reaper: also i am a fine classy man with proper grammar or not

Genji Shimada: details

Genji Shimada: so everyone 

Genji Shinada: :3 please?

 

_ Soldier 76 has left Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies _

 

Genji Shimada: wow **rude**

Ana Amari: hmm

 

_ Ana Amari changed the groups name from Welcome To Overhausyxtyeies to Overwatch Communication Channel For Members,Affiliates And Allies. _

 

Ana Amari: now were good

Genji Shimada: jufidvm

Jesse McCree: why is this so extra

Jesse McCree: is the punctuation rly necessary

Lena Oxton: i think affiliates and allies are pretty mcuh the same love

Ana Amari: yea but redundancy equals professionalism duh

Ana Amari: im glad jack left or else he would be nutting right now with all the serious business were dealing w here

Reaper: I think this one is the longest title we have ever had.

Ana Amari: lets see how long yall last 

Genji Shimada: im jsut

Jesse McCree: why are we like this 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always,thank you sooo much for reading and for all the comments,kudos,and bookmarks!!!it means a lot!!  
> also let me know if i say smth offensive here.  
> my tumblr is sombraslesbian so feel free to message me!!


	8. How to give the worst first impression to new members ft. OverTalon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenyatta and Hanzo have their first taste of how professional Overwatch is, all the while doomfist escapes prison just to consider turning himself in again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sonic voice* aw yeah, this is happening!
> 
> i FINALLY updated it!!!  
> yeah, this chap has been sitting on my files for actual literal months and I just. coundnt finish it but today i just sat down and threw out 3000 words worth of content and woo its ready!  
> Anyways I missed writing this!!!!Thank you for all the love;the views,kudos,comments and bookmarks,they all make me so happy and inspire me a lot to keep writing.
> 
> ALSO I'm working on a halloween symmarah fic,it's one chapter only but uh.Im trying ok
> 
> That's enough bs sooo,the warnings and were done!!
> 
> So!This chapter has Genyatta and implied McHanzo,however the mchanzon is more of a joke by now.Also I'm trying to write hanzo as like...he's a little dickish but he's also a rock socially,he sucks at conversation so yea
> 
> And as always.If I say something offensive LET ME KNOW.I don't care if you think it's minor or petty-It ISNT.I assure you it isn't and I want to try my best so that people can feel safe reading my dumb shit
> 
> So finally here comes the story!!

  
  


_ Genji Shimada has added Hanzo Shimada and Terkhartta Zenyatta to Overwatch Communication Channel For Members,Affiliates And Allies. _

 

Genji Shimada: Good morning, or evening, everyone.

Genji Shimada: And to Hanzo and Zenyatta, I welcome you both to Overwatches own text based communication channel.

Genji Shimada: Here, we value discipline, order and intelligence. We will discuss many important subjects here.

Genji Shimada: I want to make it clear that this is a serious and formal ambient. No comedic attempts, mindless text or conversations unrelated to our missions ;we at Overwatch value professionalism over anything else.

Genji Shimada: And I mean  _ no _ comedic attempts or anything of the like;We do not allow emoticons, jokes or puns here. They are not fit for this ambient, so consider them forbidden. You won't be directly punished at first, however we will not hesitate to call someone out for acting like a clown.

Genji Shimada: If anyone keeps on with an unprofessional behavior here, they will be kicked from this application, no questions asked. That means this person will not have as many information as the rest of us, which is crucial to success. 

Genji Shimada: And although you two are both new members. The rules here are very rigid, and we don't give new recruits any type of slack.

Genji Shimada: So, to summarize: Please remember before you type the following rules;

Genji Shimada: 1. This is a formal ambient, so you must type with proper grammar, punctuation and the like.

  1. You mustn't act as if this is a normal chat group- Do not send jokes or anything that can be deemed unrelated to us here.
  2. Images are only to be used to share information; this isn't a place to send in selfies or pictures of mindless things you see.
  3. Treat each other with respect, but do not go overboard. We are workers, colleagues- not enemies, however we are not friends either.
  4. No swearing or any use of profanity.



And finally,our most important rule:

  1. All information discussed, gathered, discovered and the like here _stays here_. You absolutely cannot tell anyone of this group or any of its content. If you do so, you will be properly dealt with.



Genji Shimada: So,  _ @Hanzo Shimada _ and  _ @Terkhartta Zenyatta  _ , I would appreciate if you both could introduce yourselves, while keeping in mind everything that I have just said.

Genji Shimada: When you two get to the base, we may realize proper introductions, but for now I think this is a good place to start.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Greetings, then. I will join Overwatch soon to help all of you to achieve peace with yourselves and the world around as well. I truly hope I can be of use, and I wish all of us can learn with each other and grow together as a team.

Lena Oxton: Hello. I can't express enough how excited I am to be working with you, Zenyatta.Your brother was an inspiration for me,and I cannot wait to fight alongside you.

Jesse McCree: Genji has told us a lot about you, and I must admit I too am excited to work with you. We hope you feel welcome here at Overwatch.

Reinhardt Wilhelm: Greetings, my friend. It is a honor to have someone like you with us.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: I appreciate the warmth of this welcome. I am sure we will soon all be closer as a team.

Angela Ziegler: Greetings. Genji may have talked about me, I am the doctor who saved his life. We will most likely be working together, Zenyatta, and I hope we can work nicely as a team.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Oh, greetings.

Yes, he has said a lot about you. But I must confess that I am not a fan of your… Way of treatment, Dr. Angle.

Genji Shimada: Zen

Genji Shimada: Z

Genji Shimada: zneu

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Are you alright, Genji?

Genji Shimada: No nIck names zeny atta ,

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Oh, I see. Apologies. So then, I mean-Doctor Ziegler. Is that alright? 

Genji Shimada: Yes .

Genji Shimada: Torbjörn doesn't seem to be online at the moment. You will meet him soon, so don't worry.

Genji Shimada: But  _ @Hanzo Shimada _ , you still need to introduce yourself.

Hanzo Shimada:

Hanzo Shimada: Oh I 

Hanzo Shimada: …

Hanzo Shimada: I am. I am Shimada Hanzo, and I'm an archer 

Lena Oxton: Well, welcome to Overwatch you two!

 

Ana Amari: Greetings to you both.

Ana Amari: I believe I do not need many introductions. I am sure my name is not unfamiliar to you both.

Ana Amari: I have built quite a reputation for myself for the past few years and I am well aware it has become common knowledge.

Ana Amari: Zenyatta, I think we have a lot to talk about. I must admit I am very interested in learning more about your…

Ana Amari: Your way of treatment. You have done wonders to Genji and I am curious about your methods.

Terkhatta Zenyatta: I 

Genji Shimada: Oh also yeah shes not dead

Ana Amari: Genji, where are your manners? You forgot some punctuation there.

Genji Shimada: Apologies. 

Genji Shimada: It’s a long story I am sure Ana will enjoy telling.

Ana Amari: I wont lol

Genji Shimada: Who is being innapropriate now?

Ana Amari: I

Terkhatta Zenyatta: Well… ? I… I am quite… Surprised, to say the least. I heard rumors but… 

Ana Amari: Well, people coming back from the dead isnt exactly rare here at overwatch so.

Ana Amari: Ill be honest you should be more worried if someone dies for real, cause that shit almost never happens

Terkhatta Zenyatta: 

Genji Shimada: Ana. The rules.

Ana Amari: Oh,  _ apologies. _

Ana Amari: I must say, then, that members who may at first appear deceased and/or those who seem to have disappeared in combat and thought to not be alive anymore quite commonly come back for various reasons; Be it the unethical use of medicine or a mistake in localizing a comrade in battle. So it is good to remember that as it is not unusual, so you won't be shocked or terrified and will be able to give the previously departed proper treatment.

Genji Shimada: Thats better.

Genji Shimada: Im sure we can now discuss what we will do once you two arrive with no interruptions.

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has reconnected _

  
  


The Entirety Of Talon: Hey.

The Entirety Of Talon: I'm Talon. 

The Entirety Of Talon: Well I'm not  _ Talon _ as in the company .Because that's uh. Impossible. Physically and technically impossible. Scientifically impossible too.

The Entirety Of Talon: Anyways. I'm just an employee, so consider me a representative of Talon here. Don’t mind me.

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: , o so pg

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Um.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: ?

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Wait. Genji, I… I am sure Talon is our enemy.

Genji Shimada: … Yes,they are.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Then… We will discuss crucial information and plan missions here. Shouldn’t Talon… Well, this Talon representative be far away from this?

Genji Shimada: Well you know what they say.

Genji Shimada: Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: that's not 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: no 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Genji 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: g

Terkhartta Zenyatta: . . .

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Genji.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: My love, my dearest, the lotus of my life.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: I love you very much.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: However there is something I cannot hold to myself that I must tell you.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: I apologize for my language before hand.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: I really do.

Terkhartta Zenyatta: But you are dumb as hell.

Genji Shimada: EJJDJDKDMWKKDMRKCKVKFOLRKDKCKKROEPEPDOFOF

Jesse McCree: Well uh that's huh

Lena Oxton: that was quick lol

Genji Shimada: ZEN I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU CURSE BEFORE?!?!JEJDJD WHAT JEJEJ WHAT???????!?

Genji Shimada: I DONT EVEN  **CARE** THAT YOU INSULTED ME IM IN A STATE OF SHOCK RIGHT NOW

Genji Shimada: THIS IS LITERALLY THE LAST THING I WOULD THINK YOU WOULD SAY TO ME?!?!??!???

Genji Shimada: OK EVERYONE I AM D O NE WE CANT GET ANYTHING OUT OF THIS THAT WILL SURPASS ZENYATTA CALLING ME DUMB AS HELL 

Genji Shimada: ITS ALL JOKES THIS GROUP IS A JOKE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE DKELDPLEOEKCKFOEOOD

Terkhartta Zenyatta: ...oh?

Hanzo Shimada: I figured.

Hanzo Shimada: You would never act with such maturity.

Genji Shimada: Fuck you 

Jesse McCree: I thought  **I** was going to fuck it up somehow and yet 

Lena Oxton:  **HAH** @ANA I WON

Ana Amari: damn 

Genji Shimada: won what wh 

Ana Amari: We made a bet to see who would fuck this up first.

Ana Amari: I thought Jesse would have,Rein thought it would be me,Tornolorn said Jack would come in and ruin it,Jesse said it would be Gabe(Entirety Of Talon),Lena said it would be you and Angle said it would be torblox

Ana Amari: only problem is torn isnt even online and rein and angle dont answer their phones so i cant make fun of them for losing

Genji Shimada: what come on I wanted to join 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Lena,I think you...Are not the only winner?

Terkhartta Zenyatta: This was a chain of events.First Anas presence set me slightly off,I won't lie.Then the...Talon representative ordeal,and I had my own contribution.Genji just finished the job.

Genji Shimada: Well see that's called working together 

Genji Shimada: A real team wins and loses together 

Lena Oxton: Why are you so poetic today 

The Entirety Of Talon: I'm not even part of this team 

Genji Shimada: a real team doesn't care about such frivolous details 

Hanzo Shimada: A real team acts mature and actually professional.

Genji Shimada: You don't know what it's like to work with a team lol

Jesse McCree: HEY UHHHHHH LETS.NOT FIGHT PLEA

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: Wait your Hanzo right 

Hanzo Shimada: My Hanzo?

Jesse McCree: rnrfan 

Hanzo Shimada: And yes. It is right on my username.

Hanzo Shimada: Yes.I am Hanzo.

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: <|:)

Jesse McCree: So Hanzo 

Genji Shimada: Jesse what are you

Lena Oxton: Love hes been waiting for years

Lena Oxton: I think its finally time

Genji Shimada: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP  **SHUT UP SJUT UP SHURTP**

Jesse McCree: I haven't even said anything yet 

Genji Shimada:  **DONT YOU FUCNG DARE JESSE JOE MCCREE I WILL FUCKING** **_MURDER YOU_ **

Jesse McCree: So Hanzo I was thinking 

Jesse McCree: As a welcome gift 

Jesse McCree: Well I think you and me should 

Jesse McCree: you know 

Hanzo Shimada: Is...Is this an attempt at flirting 

Jesse McCree: what 

Lena Oxton: what 

Genji Shimada: oh this is worse somehow

Ana Amari: Jesse.

Jesse McCree: what no 

The Entirety Of Talon: jesse……….

Jesse McCree: YALL ARE MISUNDERSTANDING ME FOR NO REASON

Jesse McCree: HANZO I MEAN.IM GONNA BEAT YOU 

Genji Shimada:  **JESSE MCCRHWHSKSJXISOKWKDKSOLWOXOCKDKDKD**

Lena Oxton: Jesse you're gonna beat his what??????

Jesse McCree: JSJDC CAN YOU STOP IM NOT 

Jesse McCree: FUCK!!!!!

Jesse McCree: HANZO.

Lena Oxton: Fuck Hanzo indeed 

Jesse McCree: silent shEEEEE

Jesse McCree: HAN.ZO.

Hanzo Shimada:

Hanzo Shimada: Hello?

Jesse McCree: I AM.

Jesse McCree: CORDIALLY INVITING.

Jesse McCree: YOU.

Lena Oxton: to fuck my ass 

Jesse McCree:  **Lena.**

Jesse McCree: AS I WAS SAYING.

Jesse McCree: I AM INVITING YOU TO A FIGHT.

Jesse McCree: YOU AND ME.

Jesse McCree: AS A MATTER OF HONOR.

Hanzo Shimada: 

Hanzo Shimada: I...huh

Jesse McCree: 

Jesse McCree: Yknow this.Isnt what I expected 

Jesse McCree: Ive been waiting this for quite a long time

Jesse McCree: planning ahead scheduling the time rehearsing what i would say 

Jesse McCree: and obviously i wouldn't be able to guess exactly what you would reply but i had my guesses

Jesse McCree: I thought you would be like  **I EAT HONOR FOR BREAKFAST.** Or some shit and you would agree 

Jesse McCree: but you just 

Jesse McCree:  **I...huh** ed me 

Jesse McCree: Genji is this the right Hanzo 

Genji Shimada: Snwjwjs kwisxi sidnspalq sjdieoodidickc when I.when I get.when I get.when I get to the fucking base Jesse Jesse McCree Jesse goddamn McCree you.you are DEAD you hear me DEAD 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Genji.No need to worry yourself so much.

Jesse McCree: well

Jesse McCree: so then I guess since we ain't fighting 

Hanzo Shimada: I didn't say no.

Jesse McCree:

Genji Shimada:  **Hanzo.**

Genji Shimada:  **Hanzo.hanzo.hanzooo**

**Han.zo.Han.Zo.H.A.N.Z.O.**

Hanzo Shimada: ?

Genji Shimada:  **no.dont.no.**

Hanzo Shimada: Im an adult,Genji,I can make my own decisions.In fact,I am more of an adult than you.

Genji Shimada:  **AH YES C L E A R L Y WERE DEALING WITH HANZO “MATURE ADULT” SHIMADA HERE, MY BAD**

Hanzo Shimada: As ridiculous as I think this is,I agree.Lets fight,then.

Genji Shimada: 

Genji Shimada: Hey uh zen.can.can you kill my brother and then myself for me thanks 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Do not worry Genji.I am sure these two are only making false promises,I assure you they will not fight.

Jesse McCree: Uh 

Jesse McCree: ive kinda been waiting for this for like ten years so,,,,,Yea 

Jesse McCree: my guns loaded I'm ready 

Jesse McCree: ive been waiting for this and training like its the worlds greatest school play

Jesse McCree: if school plays involved guns and the possibility of death

Jesse McCree: which isnt far from the truth

Ana Amari: I am glad to see that years later absolutely nothing has changed and youre all still clowns

Lena Oxton: hey!

Ana Amari: im glad jack isnt here he would have thrown a fit

Genji Shimada: jack isnt here but  **_I_ ** will throw a fit in his name 

Genji Shimada: so.

Genji Shimada: Jesse. Hanzo.

Genji Shimada:  LISTEN. 

Genji Shimada: IF YOU TWO WANNA BE CLOWNS THEN OK I DONT CARE BUT PLEASE AT  **LEAST** USE FAKE BULLETS?????FAKE ARROWS??F

Genji Shimada: MCCREE IF YOU DO THAT WEIRD ASS THING OF THE ELEVEN OCLOCK OR WHATEVER I 

Jesse McCree: it's not eleven o'clock 

Jesse McCree: its high

Genji Shimada: I swear to god if you finish that sentence I will personally murder you 

Jesse McCree: <|:I

Hanzo Shimada: I would...Appreciate if someone could explain to me what this cryptic coding is.

Genji Shimada: CRYPTIC INSUSCJUS CODING DHE XCYOT 

Ana Amari: a new crypt on the works it seems 

Genji Shimada: Hanzo can you kill me again so i can get you calling jesses emoji “cryptic coding” printed on my grave

Hanzo Shimada: No.

Jesse McCree: not this again 

Jesse McCree: I'm so tired 

Jesse McCree: it's a hat.its a hat ok.

Hanzo Shimada: Oh.

Hanzo Shimada: Its interesting.I quite like it.

Jesse McCree: so stop making fun of

Jesse McCree:  **NJ888$2$.!nKkkkBbeisosojxoswojsnwoxofjjxnKowodiducjjcueoeodpci**

Genji Shimada: Hanzo why 

Genji Shimada: hanzo kill me again im begging you

Genji Shimada: look at the hell you have unleashed

Lena Oxton: love you broke him!!!

Jesse McCree: I 

Jesse McCree: I I I WHAYIenusiw I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT??!???!????

Hanzo Shimada: ...uh...I….apologize?

Jesse McCree: NO DONT APOLOGIZE WHAT I JSUSTWIZ GENJI SOMEONE LIKES MY HAT

Genji Shimada: I know I have eyes 

Genji Shimada: honestly we've had pretty weird chats here but I think this one takes the cake I feel like I'm having a fever dream while also high what even is going on anymore 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Genji.If you need,we can talk,and I can help you.

Genji Shimada: thanks 

Lena Oxton: ok now that I can talk to zeny normally

Lena Oxton: is it ok if I call you zeny?

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Yes. 

Lena Oxton: Nice! speaking of nicknames I was curious,is it true Genji calls you his metal husband?Because that's adorable!

Terkhartta Zenyatta: He does.We both have various nicknames for eachother.

Genji Shimada: <33

Terkhartta Zenyatta: He once called me balls of steel

 

_ Genji Shimada has left Overwatch Communication Channel For Members,Affiliates And Allies. _

 

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Oh?

Terkhartta Zenyatta: Genji?

Lena Oxton: i cannot express what i am feeling with words but.

Lena Oxton: thank you zeny 

Jesse McCree: Just wrote that down for future reference <|:)

Hanzo Shimada: So,do you add the hat to all the emojis you use?

Jesse McCree: Yea <|:)

Hanzo Shimada: What if you need to use an angry emoji? 

Jesse McCree: <|>:(

Hanzo Shimada: Oh.I see.

Lena Oxton: Jesse how are you 

Jesse McCree: I'm having the time of my life rn 

Jesse McCree: I never thought someone would like my emojis 

Ana Amari: did you forget I was the one who made them cool 

The Entirety Of Talon: I don't make fun of them. In fact! one of the things I asked sombra was if you still used the

The Entirety Of Talon: nevermind.

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: excuse me 

Jesse McCree: ex

Jesse McCree: cuse me?????

Jesse McCree: YOU SENT SOMBRA???????

Ana Amari: who's sombra 

 

_ Jesse McCree has added Genji Shimada to Overwatch Communication Channel For Members,Affiliates And Allies. _

 

Jesse McCree: Genji I thought you were the one who sent sombra 

Genji Shimada:

Genji Shimada: who the hell is sombra lol 

Jesse McCree:

Jesse McCree: so then 

The Entirety Of Talon: I didn't  _ send _ her.She went looking for you on her own.

Jesse McCree: YOU JUST SAID YOU ASKED HER ABOUT ME

The Entirety Of Talon: ….,,,,,

The Entirety Of Talon: you know I  _ Just _ remembered I'm the enemy?

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has left Overwatch Communication Channel For Members,Affiliates And Allies. _

 

Jesse McCree: Everytime we get to a point where someone gets their shit exposed they leave the group yall notice that

Jesse McCree: also can someone change the groups title it sucks

 

_ Jack Morrison has reconnected _

 

Jesse McCree: oh no

Genji Shimada: something tells me our new title quote is about to be said

  
  


\---

  
  


_ Welcome to Talons Instant Messaging Applicative. _

_ Users @Widowmaker and @Sombra are now online. _

 

Widowmaker: Where is Gabriel.

Widowmaker: Sombra. Hes not answering my calls. 

Sombra: Oh he always does that

Widowmaker: not answer calls?

Sombra: Well

Sombra: didnt you see him rushing to his room with all his sewing stuff

Sombra; every time he gets mad at something he retreats to his quarters and starts to sew

Sombra: why do you think we have been getting all these sweaters and blankets lately hes stressed

Widowmaker: how do you know….?

Sombra: Well 1. hes not really subtle 

  1. I put a program on his phone so i can see all his texts. he really thinks i wont discover that his password is just “password” in all caps
  2. i dont think weve managed to accomplish a single mission like ever so thats a reason to be uh. not so happy



Widowmaker: were not that bad.

Sombra: amiga.

Sombra: volskaya? failed

numbani? failed

gilbratar? failed

Widowmaker:

Sombra: i dont know how were still going lol

Sombra: personally i think our uh… team composition isnt the best

Widowmaker: What do you mean.

Sombra: I mean we need a healer

Widowmaker: no we dont

Widowmaker: We are fine.

Widowmaker: speaking of team. this is exactly why im looking for gabriel

Sombra: oh were doing a team sleep over again??

Widowmaker: no.

Widowmaker: We are getting a new member soon. 

Widowmaker: gabriel was supposed to pick him up

Sombra: oh so gabes the designated driver now

Widowmaker: no 

Widowmaker: Well, a little

Widowmaker: he cant fly the aircraft. he just wants to be there so he can act though

Widowmaker: he said hes going to help our new member come out

Sombra: oh thats nice of him 

Widowmaker: i have the impression youre misunderstanding him “coming out”

Widowmaker: hes coming out from prison

Sombra: the closet can be a prison sometimes amelie

Widowmaker: Why do i still talk to you

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has reconnected. _

 

Sombra: OH NEHUFDS I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THAT

Widowmaker: Who is  _ this? _

The Entirety Of Talon: why didnt my name change

The Entirety Of Talon: i cant change it whats happening

The Entirety Of Talon:

The Entirety Of Talon:  **SOMBRA**

Sombra: gabe!

The Entirety Of Talon:  **EXPLAIN**

Sombra: yeah so uh

Sombra: hm

Sombra: oh jesucristo

Sombra: yeah so uh fun story haha

Sombra: seems like your phone is more garbage than what i thought

Sombra: so the app switching plus the program i installed kinda glitched your name out

The Entirety Of Talon:  **THE WHAT YOU INSTALLED**

Sombra: relajarse!!!

Sombra: its fine 

Sombra: you just wont be able to change your username for a day while i fix this 

Sombra: easy amigo

The Entirety Of Talon: Urgh.

The Entirety Of Talon: Well I just came in because someone kept calling me, but i guess ill go back to what I was doing and pretend nothing happened

Widowmaker: Actually

Widowmaker: You have a mission today. Remember?

The Entirety Of Talon:

The Entirety Of Talon: What

Widowmaker: Youre going to escort monsieur Akande out of his confinement.

The Entirety Of Talon: 

The Entirety Of Talon: does it… have to be today

Widowmaker: Yes.

The Entirety Of Talon: But im like in the middle of crocheting a

Widowmaker: Gabriel, the aircraft is ready and waiting for you. 

The Entirety Of Talon:

The Entirety Of Talon: Alright. 

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has disconnected. _

 

Widowmaker: Sombra.

Sombra: ...yes?

Widowmaker: do me a favor. when he comes back could you hack his door so he gets stuck inside his room?

Sombra: haha sure

Widowmaker: thank you.

Widowmaker: ...why is he carrying a bag to the aircraft.

Sombra: oh

Sombra: is it a red bag

Widowmaker: yes

Sombra: With roses embroidered in it

Widowmaker: yes.

Sombra: OH MAN

Sombra: akandes going to have an interesting first impression of us let me fucking tell you

Widowmaker: mon dieu.

 

\---

 

_ A private chat between @Akande Ogundimu and @The Entirety Of Talon has been initiated. _

  
  


The Entirety Of Talon: Hey

Akande Ogundimu: Hello… Talon?

The Entirety Of Talon: Oh no im not talon im just reaper

The Entirety Of Talon: please dont ask about my username.

Akande Ogundimu: ...Alright.

The Entirety Of Talon: basically im your driver.

The Entirety Of Talon: am outside.

Akande Ogundimu: Outside? 

The Entirety Of Talon: Yes.

The Entirety Of Talon: the driver is trying to find somewhere to park but the streets are full so uh were going to be a little far is that ok

Akande Ogundimu: Arent you the driver? Why are you speaking in third person

The Entirety Of Talon: its complicated.

The Entirety Of Talon: ok well you cant park here unless youre a cargo truck so uh nevermind. were going to try and stay behind the building.

Akande Ogundimu: what do you mean you cant park there

The Entirety Of Talon: its illegal. were going to get fined.

Akande Ogundimu:

The Entirety Of Talon: are you there.

Akande Ogundimu: I. Im sorry, but this doesnt make sense

Akande Ogundimu: I thought i was breaking out of prison? To steal a gauntlet? Which is a weapon of mass distruction??

The Entirety Of Talon: well yeah youve got it right whats the question marks for.

Akande Ogundimu: everything ive just cited is ilegal

The Entirety Of Talon: yes and?

The Entirety Of Talon: were on tin ice, do you have any idea how many traffic tickets we got the past few months. the drivers horrible.

The Entirety Of Talon: one more misstep and they take our drivers license away.

The Entirety Of Talon: were criminals yeah but lets not get too crazy here

The Entirety Of Talon: Ok try looking outside of your window were here

Akande Ogundimu: . . .

Akande Ogundimu: Alright I see a… blur outside of an aircraft

Akande Ogundimu: Listen I am pretty sure aircrafts dont obey the same transit laws as cars

The Entirety Of Talon: well you tell that to our driver.

The Entirety Of Talon: anyways the blur its me 

The Entirety Of Talon: im waving can you see me

Akande Ogundimu: are...are you recording me?

The Entirety Of Talon: yes.you're doing amazing sweetie 

Akane Ogundimu: i havent done anything yet

The Entirety Of Talon: well youre gonna do it now

Akande Ogundimu: Alright.

Akande Ogundimu: so whats the plan?

The Entirety Of Talon: what plan.

Akande Ogundimu:

Akande Ogundimu: how am i going to get out

The Entirety Of Talon: thats up to you really

Akande Ogundimu; i thought you were going to help

The Entirety Of Talon: i  _ am _ helping?

Akande Ogundimu: thats a very broad definition of helping

The Entirety Of Talon: ok. ill keep you busy while you think of a plan.

Akande Ogundimu: dont you think the guards will be a little suspicious of you

The Entirety Of Talon: Oh no dont worry Im inside the ship now, wearing a disguise.

The Entirety Of Talon: if anything happens im just a hostage.

Akande Ogundimu: jesus christ.

Akande Ogundimu: Alright, ill think of something.

The Entirety Of Talon: How are we communicating also? do you have any type of device with you

Akande Ogundimu: I installed a device on my prosthetic that works as a tablet

The Entirety Of Talon: oh.

The Entirety Of Talon: well ill leave you to think for now then.

The Entirety Of Talon: hit me up when youve thought of something.

Akande Ogundimu: ok.

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has disconnected. _

 

-

 

_ The Entirety Of Talon has reconnected. _

 

The Entirety Of Talon: was that you calling

Akande Ogundimu: yes.

Akande Ogundimu: i have a plan

The Entirety Of Talon: what is it then.

Akande Ogundimu: I will punch my way through 

The Entirety Of Talon: Ok.

The Entirety Of Talon: what does that mean.

Akande Ogundimu: It means exactly that

The Entirety Of Talon: how

Akande Ogundimu: with my prosthetic

Akande Ogundimu: i am halfway out

The Entirety Of Talon: huh

The Entirety Of Talon: well i am waiting then.

 

-

 

The Entirety Of Talon: I can see you

The Entirety Of Talon: is this prison made of glass how did you break through

Akande Ogundimu: I am going to be honest I dont know.

Akande Ogundimu: uh

Akande Ogundimu: Is that you outside?

Akande Ogundimu: standing by the aicraft?

The Entirety Of Talon: yes.

Akande Ogundimu: and...what are you wearing…?

The Entirety Of Talon: it's my disguise 

Akande Ogundimu: a fake mustache and glasses

Akande Ogundimu: over your mask

Akande Ogundimu: _ that _ is your disguise.

The Entirety Of Talon: I know I'm irrecognizable right 

The Entirety Of Talon: were are your shoes

Akande Ogundimu: _ what  _ are your shoes

The Entirety Of Talon: theyre boots

The Entirety Of Talon: anyways ill let talon know youre with me now.

The Entirety Of Talon: and youre late.

Akande Ogundimu: why did you repeat here what you just said to me in person

The Entirety Of Talon: im emphasizing it

Akande Ogundimu: also Im only late because i  _ literally  _ broke my way out of prison and

Akande Ogundimu: what is that

The Entirety Of Talon: now whos repeating what you just said out loud huh

Akande Ogundimu: what is that

The Entirety Of Talon: now you repeated it again

Akande Ogundimu: is that a… sewing machine?

The Entirety Of Talon: maybe.

Akande Ogundimu: what…. are you doing exactly

The Entirety Of Talon: its a sewing techinique called non.

Akande Ogundimu: non?

The Entirety Of Talon: non of your business

The Entirety Of Talon: also ill need your measures.

Akande Ogundimu:

Akande Ogundimu: do you think theyll let me back in prison if I build it back

The Entirety Of Talon: no

 

_ @Sombra has entered the chat. _

 

The Entirety Of Talon: w

The Entirety Of Talon: this is a private chat how did you

Sombra: hola!!

Sombra: hey akande welcome to talon

Sombra: hope you liked this first impression because it only goes downhill from here amigo!

Sombra: also give gabe your measurements, you wont regret it.

Akande Ogundimu: is this a prank. this has to be a joke

Sombra: its all real amigo

The Entirety Of Talon: speaking of jokes.

The Entirety Of Talon: your outfit for our venice mission is done, Sombra.

The Entirety Of Talon: its a harlequin. since you always want to be a fucking clown.

Sombra: aww gabe are you still mad about the door thing

The Entirety Of Talon:  **what makes you think so.**

Sombra: well ill make it up to it

Sombra: one day

Sombra: OH akande whats that youre searching???

Akande Ogundimu: what

Sombra: thats a lot of hate for talon huh

The Entirety Of Talon: what did he do

Sombra: Akande heres a tip

Sombra: please at  _ least _ use icognito mode when youre doing shit like this so i can pretend it was harder to find you out

Sombra: look at this

Sombra: good old Akande “I use yahoo to search” Ogundimu has looked up in the past two minutes the following:

How do be re-admitted in a prison you just escaped

What to do when your co-worker asks for your measurements

Talons history of professionalism

Can I sue for misleading advertisement of a company

and my favorite, the one thats still on the search bar because he got called the fuck out

Sombra: _talon_ _reaper door incident.clowns?_

Sombra:  _ c l o w n s ? _

Akande Ogundimu: …

The Entirety Of Talon: the door incident had nothing to do with clowns

The Entirety Of Talon: were not that bad, akande

Sombra: you know we really arent

Sombra: I just had an idea!

The Entirety Of Talon: please dont

Sombra: akande

Sombra: today we have our monaco mission so we cant do it, and you still need your gauntlet but

Sombra: in some days we will all have some free time

Sombra: well not gabe because i know hes going to be sewing like a maniac for hours but

Sombra: im going to show you,Akande, that talon isnt that bad

Akande Ogundimu: Thats not a bad idea, actually.

Sombra: not by proving were actually competent because like thats impossible. were garbage

Sombra: but by showing you that our rival is much, much worse

Sombra: ;)

 

\---

  
  


_ Sombra has entered Ana, please unblock me. I dont know where my socks (the golf themed ones) are and im suffering- Morrison, Jack _

_ Sombra has added @Reaper, @Akande Ogundimu and @Widowmaker to Ana, please unblock me. I dont know where my socks (the golf themed ones) are and im suffering- Morrison, Jack _

 

Jesse McCree: Lightining McQueen can't be a dilf he doesn't have any kids!!!!

Genji Shimada: Mater is the real dilf 

Lena Oxton: Jesse did you like not watch cars 7 you fake fan 

Akande Ogundimu: U _m_ _?_

Sombra: wow what a great discussion you all were having 

Sombra: hey everyone 

Jesse McCree: Sombra?!

Sombra: Jesse!

Genji Shimada: WAIT ISNT THAT THE GUY WHO ALMOST KILLED ME

Lena Oxton: hanzo?

Genji Shimada: no the other one

Lena Oxton: wait 

Lena Oxton: OI 

Akande Ogundimu: What is this

Lena Oxton: Oh hey look it's the guy who almost killed  _ me _ !!!

Lena Oxton: heya!

Akande Ogundimu: 

Akande Ogundimu: you seem calm about that

Lena Oxton: yea at this point I'm used to people who tried to kill me getting in the group chats lol!

Lena Oxton: I mean like windows,reapman 

Lena Oxton: everyone's gonna try to kill me at  _ some _ point 

Lena Oxton: I mean even McCree did!

Jesse McCree: I'm sorry when

Lena Oxton: ok  _ technically _ you didn't 

Lena Oxton: but I'm making my metaphor stronger by adding a fourth culprit

Lena Oxton: angle probably did too lol 

Akande Ogundimu: Ok. I am officially lost. What is happening. What is this.

Sombra: first of all

Sombra: @Akande i appreciate your attempt of using incognito mode this time 

Sombra: mister “cars 7 free download good quality full movie” Ogundimu

Akande Ogundimu: Its a good movie.

Sombra: yea SURE it is

Sombra: and second of all

Sombra: Welcome to overwatch, amigo!

Akande Ogundimu: ...im just going to leave.

Sombra: Oh no you wont

Sombra: I installed a little mod on your app. You literally cant leave or mute chats.

Sombra: So I hope you all have fun, because I sure will!

Sombra: Especially you, Doom “How do i leave a chat” Fist. 

Akande Ogundimu: how to leave talon

Sombra: you forgot to type that one on the search bar amigo.

 

\--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annd thats it!in next chapter doomfist has to deal with overwatch while also in a mission over at venice ft. me trying to think of a way to introduce Moira. Also a small part with the good old junkers bc honestly theyre hilarious and i need them and sombra to interact.  
> Thanks for reading!!  
> And oh, im also working on two other fics right now, theyre both one chapter only and also both halloween aus.


End file.
